Mama Birth

Actually, Home Birth Mothers Still Love Their Kids and Care About Their Safety

2012-02-15T23:51:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh.......Home Birth.

Lately there have been a few publicized cases of home birth deaths, most recently the death of a mother in Australia after her home birth.

I have NO IDEA what happened in that instance, so I won't even guess. In fact, I think it is kind of inappropriate for people to take pot shots at a grieving family just because somebody died. That is truly rude and totally lacking in both class and compassion, no matter what we think of their life choices. (Yes, the same goes for hospital deaths or circumcision deaths. Don't bash people who have dead family members. It is rude, no matter whose side you are on.)

But every time one of these stories surfaces, not only do people attack the grieving family/woman, but then the commentators come out of the woodwork. Lots and lots of comments about how, "I don't take chances with my birth, that is why I had my baby in the hospital" or the like. (You can read some at the end of this little bit on home birth midwives.)

No, I don't want to say, "Home birth is safe" or, "Hospital birth sucks" or anything like that. But I do want to say this:

Home birth mothers love their babies!

In response to those who think home birth mamas are reckless, selfish, or uneducated, I would like to say this.

I love my babies. I do NOT value the birth experience over their safety.

I RECOGNIZE that home birth has risks. I am not blind to them.

I believe that the risk of home birth can be MINIMIZED by choosing a skilled home birth midwife.

I realize that not all home birth midwives are skilled. I choose mine carefully.

I also think that trying my best to stay healthy and low risk can make my home birth safer.

I DON'T think women are uneducated if they choose HOSPITAL BIRTH. In fact, I had a wonderful, natural hospital birth. It was a good choice for me at the time. I totally understand why women make that choice.

But I do not believe that birthing in the hospital eliminates all risk of giving birth. In fact, I believe that there is some inherent risk to birth, no matter where it is done.

I realize too- (and I don't think everybody realizes this) that hospital birth ALSO carries risk. Those risks, that I took into consideration included-

1) about a 30% C-section rate
2) a very high induction rate (at some hospitals near my home when I had my first out of hospital birth, the induction rates were over 90%) Don't even get me STARTED on the risks of induction. Or c-section for that matter.
3) exposure to infection that does not exist in my home

When I choose home birth it wasn't with stars in my eyes about orgasms and candlelight. It was a choice I made seriously, with care, and which I took responsibility for. I believe that EVERY woman should take responsibility for her birth, her health, and her care, no matter where she chooses to birth.

I believe that the right to make birth choices is a woman's right. Since when did feminism stop when we got the right to legal abortion? In my utopia, female bodily autonomy also applies to my right to birth at home, and your right to VBAC. Oh yes, it does. Why don't other people think this? It boggles my mind.

For the record- babies with wrapped umbilical cords can be delivered safely at home, home birth midwives often carry lifesaving anti-hemorrhage drugs (but they don't need them as often as they are needed in the hospital, because mom isn't pumped full of Pitocin through her labor, nor is heavy traction applied to a still attached placenta immediately postpartum) and YES THEY CAN MONITOR THE BABY! For goodness sake, they don't show up with a stick for you to bite on and some beads to wave over your head in case something goes wrong.

Now, rant over.

It is too late. I should take my own advice and not get offended.

Good night.

Oh, and I love my kids, and their safety is paramount to me, far more important to me than my feelings, my experience, or what Ricky Lake thinks of me.

An Unassisted Birth (With A Houseful of EMTs!)

2012-02-14T15:17:00.000-08:00

There is just something special about a mom and dad just birthing their baby together. No interference, just family and love. But one of the things I love most about this story is at the end. Let me just say, a man who encapsulates his wife's placenta for her is my kind of guy! What a blessing.

Enjoy!

Birth of Bachman

We’ll start off on the morning of February 6, 2012.

Firstly, in case anyone was not aware, my due date was Valentine’s Day. I wanted to avoid that at all costs, so I was definitely happy when I went into labor early.

Anyway, to the story!

All week I had been having light contractions on and off…nothing that would suggest I was in labor at all, but they definitely weren’t Braxton Hicks contractions. On Monday, the 6th, I woke up around 530am to get the girls ready for the day, and I started having stronger contractions. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time other that just being aware that they were there. I asked my darling husband to get Reilly ready and off to the bus stop for me so that I could lay down and relax for a little bit while Ophelia slept. Shortly after he got back, I got up and got myself and Ophelia ready for the day. At 38 weeks 6 days, I had been scheduled for my 39 week midwife appointment.

At the appointment, everything was normal and as planned. My pregnancy had been really low-key…nothing out of the ordinary at all…I even passed my 1 hour glucose screening with flying colors, when with my two previous pregnancies I had failed the 1-hour test. I had been contemplating getting my cervix checked again at this appointment….at my last appointment (38 weeks), I was 3cm dilated, 60% effaced and LBB was at a -3 station. I assumed that if I got checked again, I would probably be a little more effaced, but that was about it.

I decided that after the contractions I had been having, I was curious enough to get checked again. My midwife was surprised when I was 4.5-5 cm dilated. I was 75% effaced and he was still at a -3 station.
She suggested that after my appointment, I go walk around the hospital for an hour or two, get a bite to eat, then head up to Labor and Delivery to get checked out again.

I honestly didn’t think anything of it…my contractions had been tapering off all day. They were still around, but nothing that I couldn’t handle. I was still walking and talking through contractions. So instead of walking around the hospital with a grumpy husband and crabby toddler, we went and grabbed a bite to eat (Ham and cheese omelet! Yum!) and then went home to take a nap before picking up Reilly from the bus stop.

It was an awesome nap by the way. Not to mention, I didn’t really feel comfortable going up to L&D…the would have checked me and either tried to admit me for “being in labor” when I didn’t feel like I was (and possibly try to “speed things up”) OR they would just send me home, where I was going to end up anyway. I just decided that it was in my best interest to avoid L&D at all costs that day unless I was truly in labor.

So I picked Reilly up from the bus, went home and took a shower. We hung out all night….Brad had to go to work at 5pm, so the girls and I had Mac and cheese for dinner. My contractions were kind of picking up here and there, but then just dying down. Brad called me from work around 630 to let me know to time them at some point and call him when they were coming about every 10 minutes. I put the girls to bed a little after 7pm, and Brad surprised me by getting kicked out of work specifically because I was in “early labor”. It was definitely a pleasant surprise and I was happy he was there, even if I didn’t go into labor.

After Ophelia went to sleep, I decided to time my contractions, just to see where they were. For about an hour, they were lasting a minute and coming every 6-7 minutes. I went and got ready for bed and they tapered off to lasting a minute and coming every 10-15 minutes or so. I decided it was time to go to sleep…this was probably between 1030-11pm.

Nothing happened during the night. I woke up around 130am because Ophelia woke up, so I went gave her her cup. She went back to sleep and so did I. I woke up once or twice during the night to use the bathroom….ya know, all the typical stuff of a woman who’s 9 months pregnant! But I didn’t wake up to any uncomfortable contractions what-so-ever.

I woke up at 5am because Ophelia had woken up and was knocking on her bedroom door. I brought her into bed with us for a little bit…usually I can get her to lay down and go back to sleep for 30 minutes to an hour…but not this time. Not that I was complaining…I started having contractions again shortly after I got up with her and I needed to stand up and not lay down. They were stronger than they had been the night before and I decided to give it a couple more before deciding to do anything, figuring they would fizzle out again.

Around 530am, I started having painful contractions. Not that the previous ones weren’t painful, but these were like a shock to my body. They were like “Hey lady! We’re here!!” Boy were they! I had one as I was brushing my teeth that made me squat down in my bathroom to get some relief….and as I watched Ophelia copy me, I had to giggle to myself. And then it hit me that I was actually in labor and I thought “everyone needs to get up, NOW!!”

I yelled out of the bathroom at my husband who was still sleeping that we needed to get a move on with getting the girls up…get Reilly ready for school and get Ophelia ready to go to our friend/neighbors house…I would try to help where I could…which basically was me brushing my teeth and walking downstairs to get a diaper for Ophelia.

I had one contraction while I was downstairs getting a diaper. I gave Brad our friend Coleen’s phone number so he could call and give her a heads up that the girls would be on their way over shortly. I grabbed some clothes for Ophelia on my way back upstairs. I tossed all of Ophelia’s clothes and diaper that I had gathered on the bed, had another contraction, and walked into the bathroom.

Brad called Coleen and finished getting the girls ready, got all the stuff in the car and came up to get me. I was sitting on the toilet having back to back contractions with a small rest in between. I told him just to take the girls and come back for me. Walking down the stairs didn’t sound like fun at all. As he left, I asked him to shut off the lights.

While Brad was gone I only had two or three contractions, but I knew we were well on our way to baby. I had a flash of delivering baby while Brad was gone (turns out, he expected to come home to a crying baby as well). I alternated between kneeling on the floor and sitting on the toilet. Nothing really felt “good” but the toilet offered me more support.

In the back of my mind I realized that Bachman was not going to be born at the hospital like we had planned. I decided to check and see if I could feel his head and sure enough, when I reached in, he was about a fingers length up. I could feel the amniotic sack around his head and it was still intact. At least I had that going for me. I remember getting really emotional around this time. I was tired and in pain…people think that quick labor is a lucky thing, but I honestly beg to differ.

With a slow labor, your body has time to stretch out and get where it needs to go without rushing…but with a quick labor, everything is piled on top of everything else and it is intense. I remember “crying” — I don’t want to say I was actually crying real tears, but I was emotional. I just wanted all the pain to end and for him to be born. I remember trying to tell myself that labor wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

Yea, that didn’t last more than me saying it once or twice. Guess I’m not a mantra-type person.
Around this time, I remember my butt starting to feel heavy…I think my uterus was pushing him down, not out yet, but down. Brad came home shortly after this and as soon as he walked in the bathroom he knew we weren’t going anywhere. Not just by my actions…I told him we weren’t going anywhere.

He tried to get me into the bathtub at one point…not sure exactly what the plan was. I didn’t plan on running a bath or anything. I remember we had talked about it before. Maybe to contain the mess? Anyway, he grabbed the house phone and called 911 to get an ambulance there to transfer me to Tripler.

Apparently, the woman on the phone said no toilet…but I argued against that. There wasn’t a crane that could have moved me from that spot. My water broke shortly after Brad got off the phone with 911 and the urge to push surged through me. Brad went down to meet the MP who had shown up. Bless that MP who was there…whether she was sent or she just happened to be the closest one to our house, I am just glad…she was so calm…much more calm than I think any male MP would have been and I needed that. Brad stayed with me while she went down to meet the EMTs.

My contractions were still coming back to back with small breaks in between — and I mean small…like a minute or so. I grabbed onto my husband and roared through my contractions. If that MP doesn’t have kids already, I’m pretty sure I scared her out of having any. I’m also positive that my neighbors think that someone got murdered in my house. Quiet I was not.

My throat is still a little sore from vocalizing. It was literally the only thing I could do to combat the pain. Funny enough though, at this point during Ophelia’s birth, I was telling my husband how much I wanted drugs and how much I wanted to just be done with labor. I don’t recall mentioning anything about an epidural, and quite possibly just complained about how much it hurt.

So I’m vocalizing, Brad is being my support, talking to me through contractions and all of a sudden there are at least two EMTs in my bathroom, turning on lights and telling me what to do. I yell at them to turn the lights off. They still keep trying to tell me what to do…that I need to stop what I’m doing and leave the bathroom. It goes in one ear and out the other…thankfully, I have my strong husband there.

He tells them that they won’t be telling me what to do, that I’m not only a labor doula, but this is my third baby. They got all uppity with him, asking then why we called 911 if we didn’t want their help. This part is a little blurry for me as I’m having contractions and pushing with them, making loads of noise and concentrating on birthing my son.

But from what I heard after, Brad kicked one of them out, telling him that he wasn’t going to be telling me what to do. They seemed to kind of hang around near the bathroom….which was fine…but I didn’t need to or want to be treated like I was dying when all I needed was a transfer to the hospital from my house.

Up until this point, I had been sitting on the toilet still. When he was starting to crown, I stood up and leaned on Brad. When he was starting to crown, the EMTs told me I needed to go lay down on my bed so they could deliver him. I told them I was not going anywhere and that I was fine. I’m not sure I’ve ever yelled at someone like that. I was not a happy mama…so I stood there…pushing my sons head out.

His daddy had a hand on him to catch him. I waited for the next couple of contractions and continue to push. It seemed to take awhile to push his head all the way out, but I’m sure it was only seconds. His shoulders and body slipped out relatively easily compared to his head and into his daddies arms. Brad passed Bachman up to me as he took his first cry and then all hell seemingly broke loose around me. The light was suddenly flipped on, there were paper towels wiping off blood and fluids (not the bath towels that were actually sitting on the floor to be used), a suction bulb in his face and an EMT at my side.

All I could concentrate on was my husband, who I looked at like a drugged up teenager (in a loving way), and my gorgeous son, who looked exactly like his older sister. I double checked to make sure it was a boy too. I was smitten. The lights, the noise, the help didn’t bother me anymore…I was on a birth high like none other.

As soon as I could, I told Brad that I wanted some ice water. I was so parched. He left while an EMT finished cleaning up Bachman and wrapped a towel around him to help keep him warm. They clamped his cord and went and got daddy to clamp the cord. I don’t remember much of, if anything they said to me during this point…it was completely a blur.

If they said anything to me, I’m sure I answered their questions. All I recall thinking about was this baby in my arms and where the hell was my ice water. After they let Brad cut the cord, they wanted me to stand up to go downstairs. I stood up (I had sat back down on the toilet to let the blood fall out and…well…I needed to sit down for a second) and told the EMT that we needed to wait. I don’t recall telling him why, but I birth the placenta’s quickly after my babies, so I knew it would be coming shortly.

I was standing up, when I felt a contraction coming. I told the EMT to wait, squatted down over a towel and delivered the placenta right there. I told them specifically that we were keeping the placenta, so it needed to be contained and somewhere that I knew where it was. After that, the MP was asking about underwear and pads and pants and Brad was helping her. I put all of that on so I could go down to the ambulance. I was still holding Bachman…just completely in awe of him so my motions were kind of half assed.

I walked out of my bathroom to about 4 or 5 guys standing in my bedroom and upstairs hall way. I gave them a hearty “Morning guys!!” Out of no where I picked out the phrase “Oh god, she’s walking out of there?!” I dripped blood all over our carpet (sadly, we’ll be paying for it to be professionally cleaned now) and walked to the stairs. A firefighter asked if I needed help, but all I needed to do was hand Bachman off to his daddy, just to make sure I didn’t drop him or fall with him. I walked down the stairs just fine and climbed onto the gurney.

They wheeled me out to the ambulance. It was raining a little bit and I tilted my head up to get the rain on my face. It felt so wonderful.

The ride to the hospital was pretty uneventful. The EMT took some of my vitals and some of Bachman’s. He was pink and cozy when we got into the ambulance but for some reason, they didn’t get a good oxygen read on him, which resulted in doing some blow by oxygen. No big deal. We got to the ER where they did a preliminary exam on both of us.

They, again, got a low oxygen read on Bachman, which resulted in more blow by. For some reason, they called a midwife down to the ER to check on me. Funny enough, it was the midwife who I had seen the previous day at my appointment! She was asking me why I never showed up to L&D (which I explained to her). The question of the day was “was it a planned home birth?”

Eventually, we were stable enough to go up to the Labor & Delivery ward. Thank goodness…Brad didn’t ride up to the hospital in the ambulance with us, he had to drive and was facing the horrible morning Hawaii traffic. I figured the time it took us to get through the ER and up to L&D would give him some time to get there about the same time I did.

We finally got up there, and they started their more thorough checks on me. They made me tell them the story of what happened again while the midwife checked me over for any bleeding issues. They were a little concerned over the bleeding that was going on, but I felt fine. She examined me, and found that I had no tearing what-so-ever and the reasoning for my bleeding was that some membrane was left over inside my vagina. Turned out to be a piece of the amniotic sac that just got left behind that passed with no problems.

So no tearing, no placental problems, just some bruising on my end. I was happy with that. They took Bachman to do their newborn assessment, which included being weighed. Brad and I had guessed about 8lbs 8oz or so…between the two of us and the girls, that’s what the average would have been. Well, color me shocked when the nurse weighed him at a rolly-poly 10lbs 5.2oz!!

It totally explained why I was so horribly uncomfortable during the majority of my pregnancy. Even family and friends didn’t guess much over 9lbs! His daddy was 9lbs 6oz so we didn’t expect anything really over that.

The rest of our stay wasn’t all that eventful, minus the “breathing issues” that one nurse seemed to be concerned about (which turned out to be a whole lot of nothing, like I had assumed). Bachman nurses like a pro, I feel wonderful and, again, we were the talk of the town that night.

I have to say that it wasn’t our intention to have an unassisted home birth. And while technically, there was “assistance” there, I am still classifying this as unassisted. It was my husband and me and our baby, working together. No one touched me until after he was born. It was a shock that it happened…I honestly wasn’t expecting it to go that quickly.

I am so thrilled though that both Brad and I got to bond over the birth of our first and only son. This is our last baby. When we found out we were having a boy this time around, we decided that three was enough for our family and we are perfectly happy with that decision. This makes it even better. Needless to say, we’re both pretty damn proud of ourselves.

We had an amazing birth where we didn’t let anyone sway us from our choices. We trusted my body and our son to work together and get it done. Brad read over my birth plan last night as we were waiting for discharge paperwork and we basically got everything that I had listed down on that sheet.
I also want to say that I honestly could not have done this without my husband. Well…I physically could have…I don’t think I would have had a choice in the matter. But he played such an amazing role that this will never be something we can forget.

Not to mention, while I was in the hospital freaking out about maybe staying another night (because of the breathing issue) he kept me sane, he took care of the girls and held down the fort, he also started working on the placenta encapsulation process.

If that isn’t love then I don’t know what the hell is.

Bachman and I are back home now…I am still blissed out on baby-having hormones. I feel wonderful…a little tired (big boys like to nurse…especially at night) and I’m sore of course, but I feel like a million bucks. I know the coming months won’t always be easy…Brad won’t be on paternity leave forever…we’ll have to go back to life and cranky kids and school and sleep issues and all that kind of normal, parent stuff. But right now, everything is perfect.

Also, any fellas out there reading, according to my husband, delivering your child is pretty much the manliest thing you could ever do. And I’d have to agree with him. (The second manliest thing according to him? Draining blood out of your wife’s placenta. Just sayin’.)

Mr. Bachman Turner (yes, after the band Bachman Turner Overdrive) clearly took care of business that morning. Well worth it. :)

A Home Water Birth

2012-02-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Anniston’s home birth story

On December 3^rd, 2011, a beautiful sunnySaturday, I woke up at 9:15am to apainfully full bladder that I had emptied only 3 hours earlier, extreme low backpain from SPD, and gas pains. I personally never need to go number two firstthing in the morning, so that was strange. I got up and got my son up and satwith him & our 4 year old daughter in their play room and we just hung outand had breakfast, like any other morning. I kept having these ‘gas’ pains anddecided to time them. As I timed them, we listened to Coldplay “Paradise” andsome other soothing music. They were rather close together. About 5 minutes.

I called my Husband and told him I was pretty sure I was inlabor. He was on the way home but was about an hour away. I just needed him. Ifelt overwhelmed having to care for my other two children alone. The painwasn’t too intense, but I knew I needed his support.

I was so relieved when hecame home right around 11am. We cleaned the house and I took a nice bath anddid my makeup. I knew this was it, we were having a baby today! Me and my Husbandwe along and picked up Olive Garden To Go for a nice lunch and stopped byBabies R Us because I felt as though we needed more blankets for her.

The gas pains [that’s the only way I candescribe them] started becoming more intense and strong on the drive home. Istarted vocalizing through them. Clay blew the pool up and started filling itwith hot water. At right before 3 in the afternoon, I went to the restroom andmy lower belly and vagina was feeling really tender. I had a couple loose bowlmovements and that confirmed what we already knew, my body was prepping andcleansing itself! I wiped my vagina and had some pink-tinged mucus.

I felt somethingcoming out and wiped again and lost my mucus plug and had my bloody show! Gameon!!! I’m not sure, but I’m guessing I was about 5 centimeters at that point. Icalled my Midwife, Brenda and told her about having my bloody show. She said itsounded promising and to keep her updated with the timing of my contractionsand to let her know when they got to be 5 minutes apart and were lasting 40-60seconds each. Mine were very sporadic, some being 4 minutes apart and somebeing 8 minutes apart.

I started really hurting and having to loudly say“Ohhhhhhh!” through them. We figured it was time Brenda head our way since shewas an hours drive. I got on my ball while Clay continued filling the birthpool. I bounced and it felt good. I had one contraction that got me off of myball and brought me to my knees at the end of our bed. I started crying becauseI was afraid. I kept going to the restroom to empty my bladder to keepcomfortable.

As I was coming out one time, I saw my Midwife round the corner ofour kitchen and I felt so relieved! She got to our home at around 10 minutesbefore 5. She brought in all of her supplies with Clays help and as she wassetting up I sat back on my ball. She knelt down and got on my level and showedme the proper way to breathe through a really tough contraction.

We decided Ineeded to be checked and my guess, along with hers was that I would only be atabout 4-5cm. She started checking me and said “Oh! Goodness, you are…..about…aneight!”. My first thought was “NO WAY!”. I thought maybe she was just trying tomake me feel better. The Midwife’s assistant came shortly after! I got reallyexcited and decided I needed to let my Mother and Sister know she would be herevery soon.

I couldn’t believe I was in transition. I felt fine. Only a fewreally intense waves. After I called my Sister, I was in our kitchen, alone andthought to myself, I can’t get out of this now. I’m stuck here and just have todo it. It scared me a little, but I knew I had gotten so far without medicationand I had already shown myself how strong I was.

I came back into our bedroom and got back on my ball. Wedecided the water was at a level and temperature I could get into. I was kindof hesitant, because I was feeling really modest and didn’t want to take my clothesoff, but as I stood there looking at the pool a wave started coming over me andI took my pants and shirt off and just got in. OH man, it felt great!!! I leftmy sports bra on, which made me feel better and covered.

I just rememberlooking at my feet under water and playing with the liner with my toes. We alltalked and chatted between contractions and I told her about my fear ofpushing. She was so great a reassuring me that everything would be fine and itonly lasted a very short time. I sat inthe bottom of the pool during about three or four contractions but I startedfeeling her move down and sitting flat on my bottom was very uncomfortable. Ihad one contraction that felt like it was all in my bottom. I decided to get onmy knees and lean over the side of the pool. I remember frequently saying Ican’t do this.

My Midwife would say “You already are”. Which was so nice tohear. I WAS doing it! Getting on my knees must have opened me up and allowedher to move down even more because the intensity of the contractions picked upimensely! My mother came in around this time and I had to get her to be quiet.All I wanted was silence. I held onto my Husbands hand and it made me feel likehe was helping me. He would look me in the eye and that was all the reassuranceI needed.

It was quite stuffy in the pool and we put a cold rag on the back ofmy neck, which Clay and my Mother would keep re-wetting for me. I also had oneto use for my face, but ended up burying my face into during each contractionwhich felt great. I asked Clay to pull out my little red fan and set it up soit would blow on me. That felt great too. Brenda told me to listen to my bodyand push when my body said to push. That urge snuck up on me so quickly!

I wasshocked at how my body started pushing on its own! I started helping it, but Iwas scared of the pain. It felt good to bear down, but I was really justtesting myself and practicing. I could feel her in my birth canal and knew I’dhave to help if I wanted this to be over anytime soon. So with the next urge, Ipushed with everything I had until I felt burning. The noises I was makingfrightened me. Kind of a gasping noise.

I felt her go back up and my Midwifesaid if I just kept at it, we might have a head, next contraction. Brenda held medown there to keep me from tearing and it hurt because of all the otherpressure I was feeling. With the nextwave, I couldn’t control it. I helped my body and pushed so hard, yelling, andfeeling her come out. I felt the stretching and as soon as I knew it, Brendasaid “We have a head!” I guess my body just kept pushing and so did I, but hershoulders and body just slipped right out and I could feel her between my legsunder water. Faith loved seeing her baby sister swimming!

Brenda unwrapped thecord from around her body and I reached down and picked up my baby! She was sotiny and purple. I immediately noticed her dark, long, thick hair! She was sobeautiful and I was just in shock that it was over and my sweet baby was here!I sat back against the pool and put her on my chest and we covered her with atowel. She wasn’t turning pink fast enough s o Brenda gave her a rub down andgot her going. I put her to my breast and she started nursing. I was crampingand just wanted to get out of the tub, but needed to deliver the placenta.

Wekept her attached to her cord for about 15 minutes before I was just ready todeliver my placenta and get out. I watched them clamp and my husband cut thecord right in front of me. There was barely any blood in her cord which made meso happy, my baby got all of that good blood! I needed to work to get theplacenta out, so Clay took Anniston.

She gave me an herb under my tounge tohelp expel it faster. I think it was called placenta ease or something of thatnature. It tasted awful so I sipped some coconut water after I swallowed it. Wetried to push and it felt like it was coming out so Brenda held the cord justto give some traction and to help me. It came out fairly easily, and I’ll neverforget her telling me it would be easier because it didn’t have bones. Thatmade me laugh.

I got out slowly and wrapped myself in a towel and went andshowered quickly. I stared at my baby the whole time I was waiting for theplacenta to come. The shower felt amazing and I washed my hair and leaned overand let the warm water run over my bottom and it was really soothing. Once Iwas out I wanted my baby. I went and sat in our bed and nursed her and brushedmy hair. She was the most beautiful baby. So pink and alert and happy! I was sodeeply in love!

The rest is a blur. I got examined and had no tears! Onlybroken skin, which was great! Anniston did great during her newborn exam andwas so wide-eyed! My midwife stayed with us for about 4 hours, talking andgoing over details. I enjoyed having her company. She made me feel so secure.Clay was in awe of what happened and how fast she came! We sat in bed togetherfor a moment and kissed and just looked at her together. It was perfect.

They packed up and left with the promise of apostpartum visit a couple days later. I was told my baby was perfect and howgreat I did! I was one proud momma! We spent the rest of the night snuggling,eating and enjoying our new precious little baby. Anniston Claire was born at6:30, weighing 7 pounds 14 ounces and was 21 inches long. She had beautifullong black hair and was very alert and had big, wide open eyes!

Sex During Pregnancy

2012-02-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

Before we get started.

Dad- don't read this. I am serious.

Moving on.

I have debated in my head if I should write this post for quite some time.

Maybe, despite my birth obsession, I am really a little prudish underneath it all. Maybe talking about sex during pregnancy somehow qualifies as marriage advice and....Well, I think the last person I gave marriage advice actually left her husband.

So, I know I am not so good at that.

But really, the thing that makes me uncomfortable about talking about sex is that I think it is really a sacred thing. I see it as the power of procreation entrusted to men and women. I think it is a very serious endeavor and not one to just be spoken lightly of or treated irreverently in online, faceless forums.

Not only does sex give us the power to create life, it also is simply amazing it it's ability to bind two people together, to cement love, to wrap emotion forever around a relationship.

In short, I think sex is both pleasurable and also pretty serious business. And I don't think everybody thinks that. Frankly, the idea of tons of horrid comments kind of freaks me out too.

With that glorious introduction, let's get started.

Sex and Pregnancy....dun dun duuuun!

Like birth, I think every body's experience with this is really very different. When I talk to couples about this in class it seems like many of them (the ones who speak up at least) find pregnancy sex to be kind of fantastic because...............there is no pressure! (Well, obviously there is pressure if you are pregnant.) What I mean is there aren't worries. You don't have to worry about TRYING to get pregnant and you don't have to worry about PREVENTING pregnancy. You are already there! Yahoo!

So, in that way, being intimate when you are pregnant can be a great thing for a couple, it is kind of stress free and you can just enjoy your time together.

But---this isn't how it works for everybody.

I have talked to women who have zero interest while pregnant. Others have a very strong sex drive during pregnancy. Men can be just the same. Some men find their pregnant wives very desirable and others are simply not interested. Some women have even told me that their husbands refuse to touch them until they have the baby and lose the baby weight. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW! WTH?!)

Pregnancy impacts women differently. For some the hormones and the changes associated with them cause either more or less desire. Some women are quite ill and the idea of doing anything extra is just mind boggling.

Let's not forget that pregnancy impacts the dad too. Many men who I talk to are really excited about having a baby, but also a little overwhelmed. Some are planning on being the sole money maker after the baby comes and feel a lot of stress about that. Others just worry about how it will impact the relationship with their partner or HOW they will be a dad. This is new stuff!

Having a baby directly involves three people, mom, dad, and baby. And of course, it impacts the intimate relationship.

(Now, despite my horrid track record in relationship advice, I am going to tell you what I think. Don't feel obligated to listen.)

So, here are my thoughts on pregnancy sex.

If you love somebody enough to have a baby with them, then having a healthy relationship is probably worth the effort. What does this mean?

It means compromise.

If dad still has a strong drive and mom is feeling tired, then you find a middle ground. You show your hubby that you love him physically if he needs it. He shows you sometimes that he can let you rest if that is what you need. You give and you take and you keep things kind and civil and loving.

It actually makes me really sad to hear about a man who finds his wife kinda yucky just because she is pregnant. I know that I feel so fat and disgusting when I am pregnant. Even if I didn't want to have sex, it would just break my heart if my husband found me fat and disgusting too.

It also makes me feel kind of sad to hear of women who refuse to touch their partners when they are pregnant because they just don't feel like it, are tired, or whatever. He may still need you in that way. He may still need to be shown love by intimate touch.

The thing is, we all have needs. Pregnancy sex isn't just about weird sex while pregnant- it is about relationships and keeping them healthy and strong. That requires give and take, sacrifice and kindness, and love and respect from both people in them. This doesn't end just because you are pregnant. In fact, it is probably more important than ever.

So, be creative, (I am not going to draw pictures, but you can still enjoy each other- SHEESH!) be kind, be loving, and be willing to compromise. Your relationship is worth showing one another physical love- especially during transitional times like pregnancy.

(Disclaimer- if you are some kind of pervert reading this just go away and don't leave a comment. It will stress me out. )

A Hospital VBAC, Dedicated Mama-

2012-02-12T20:10:00.000-08:00

Recently I shared a birth story from on of our readers- a VBAC with a big baby and a little mama. This is the story of her FIRST VBAC. I thought you might enjoy it too.

Enjoy- and GO VBAC!

This birth was a gift. It was beautiful, and peaceful, and so filled with love I could hardly contain it.
A short time before my due date, my friend Dana emailed me that she was praying that I would hear a specific word from God regarding this birth. Immediately afterwards, my friend Jen emailed me with several Bible verses filled with words of peace. Several of them stood out for me and were comforting for me during labour, and remarkably descriptive of the emotional and physical space of this birth.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.
Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.
~John 14:27

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord.
For (s)he will be like a tree planted by the water,
that extends its roots by a stream
And will not fear when the heat comes,
But its leaves will be green,
And it will not be anxious in a year of drought
Nor cease to yield fruit.
~Jeremiah 17:7-8

Shortly before I went to bed on Sunday evening, February 27th, I had some mild contractions. I ignored them, figuring they would disappear once I went to bed, as usual. I was able to sleep soundly and peacefully, but the contractions continued all night. By six a.m. they kept me awake and were steadily ten minutes apart, so at seven as the household woke up for the day I told my husband Brent and tried to distract myself between contractions.

I let my labour support team know so they could plan their day, and paged my midwife. I knew it was early but I wanted to give everyone lots of notice. My midwife lives closer to me than to her office, so she came by to see me around eight in order to assess whether she should cancel her clinic appointments, or continue her day until I kicked into active labour. I knew it was too early to cancel clinics and expend a bunch of energy focusing on contractions, but she wanted to be sure so she came by. The baby was well engaged and my cervix was very soft and very thin, but too posterior to feel dilation, which means early labour.

She went to her clinic, and I had breakfast and helped scoot the older boys off to school. As I moved around and distracted myself, I noticed the surges were spacing out. Fifteen minutes, twenty minutes, half an hour...

I pulled out my breast pump to add to my stash of expressed breast milk to take with me to the hospital in case my gestational diabetes caused blood sugar regulation problems in the baby and the hospital staff wanted to feed her. A bottle of formula can help regulate a newborn with low blood sugars, but for long term health formula puts an infant at increased risk of developing type II diabetes later in life.

A baby who develops in the womb of a woman with gestational diabetes is already at increased risk for diabetes, so I was determined my baby would be fed only human milk to decrease its overall risk. I had asked a friend to donate me three ounces of her milk, and added what I could of my colostrum, just in case. The pumping helped bring things back to ten minutes apart, and regular again.

My photographer friend Louise came over to take some photos at about 9:30 or so, and stayed for over an hour chatting and taking gorgeous photos of my kids and my clock and me on the phone...I love her kids, and they play well with my kids, so we had an impromptu playdate! The surges were spacing out again so as she left, I went for a walk.

I was continuing to watch the clock to time contractions and to time my food intake, since good glycemic control is important during the last few weeks of pregnancy and during the birth process for women with diabetes. I ate every three hours and took my insulin as usual.

Riley wanted to have a nap, so I lay down with him and nursed him to sleep. Breastfeeding him made my contractions jump from every ten minutes and moderately strong to every two to three minutes and stronger. Breastfeeding releases oxytocin, which is also the hormone that stimulates contractions. It was handy to have this tool to help keep things moving along during this long prodromal stage!

I had expected this labour to go quickly, but the early phase was long and relaxed. I felt a bit impatient, but mostly relaxed and peaceful. I phoned my midwife and let her know that things had picked up a bit. She came over to assess me, and I was 2-3 centimeters dilated and the baby had progressed to +1 station, cervix very soft and very thin, and no longer posterior.

This was all good information to have, but I knew I wasn't in active labour yet. It just didn't feel quite like my productive labour had been with Riley yet; that feeling that I was riding a river current that was deep, fast, powerful, and unrelenting. My midwife went home, but told me she expected to be back within an hour.

This was around two o'clock in the afternoon. I let Louise and my friend Rowenna know, so they could prepare to leave for the hospital once things picked up (Rowenna's role was to look after my kids, who wanted to be present for the birth). However, things slowed down again!

I had been trying to balance distracting myself so as not to waste my focus or energy on early labour, with being able to cope with contractions I couldn't ignore, and paying attention so I would know when my body made the shift to active labour. I got in the bathtub for an hour or so to relax, which made things slower again but warmed up my feet and helped me to get a regenerative rest.

At six thirty I pulled out my breast pump again and pumped a few ounces to add to my hospital stash, and within fifteen minutes, my body shifted and I knew I was finally in that fast, powerful river of active labour with little chance of slowing down again. I ate dinner, and then we all headed to the hospital shortly after seven p.m.

When we walked onto the Family Birthing Unit, it was shift change and a large number of nurses were at the desk. We walked past with our entourage of photographer, midwife, Brent, my mom, three little boys, birth ball, pillows, food, and a rather full suitcase: an unusual sight on a maternity ward! It was a homebirth in the hospital, just like I wanted! Riley had his baby doll in his arms and two pigtails in his hair "jus' like mommy" and his favourite spiderman pajamas on, and the nurses all thought he was SO cute.

When we arrived and got to our room there was paperwork for my midwife, and several routine things for the hospital with regards to women who are delivering VBAC. Here's where there is the most potential for conflict with hospitals in my part of Canada, when it comes to me. I tend to be a pain as a patient, because I have some weird preferences that go against standard policies.

My nurse came in. Lets call her Amber. She was very businesslike and 'efficient'~which is a nice way of saying brisk and detached. She had the external fetal monitor with her, and my midwife turned around and said, "Actually she has refused the external fetal monitor. She won't be going on the monitor." Amber was stumped, "Oh, I don't know about that," she said, indignant.
"Both myself and Dr. Drake (my OB, not his real name) have discussed it with Melissa, and she knows the risks and has chosen to refuse it. All you need is the refusal form, and she won't be going on the monitor."

First of all, if Dr. Drake was in the room telling Nurse Amber I wouldn't be going on the external fetal monitor, she wouldn't be saying 'I don't know about that,' and second of all how fantastic is it for me to have a midwife to advocate for my wishes, which we had discussed at length for the previous eight months, while I focused on labouring. I knew this conversation was happening, but I didn't need to contribute to it. My midwife also said, "It's in her birth plan. You really need to read her birth plan, which is in her chart."

I wasn't aware of what happened next, but my midwife and Amber wound up at the nurse's station talking to the head nurse. Of course, the head nurse knew that a woman can refuse anything she doesn't want in Canadian health care, so she settled the matter in my favour and nothing more was said.

A similar thing happened with my I.V. Women who are VBACs in hospital are always given a large bore I.V. saline lock in case they require surgery and/or a blood transfusion. I choose not to consider myself a potential obstetrical emergency and dislike extra discomfort or apparatus while giving birth, so I refuse this I.V. However,

I have tested group B strep positive for both my natural births and decided in both cases to accept I.V. antibiotics to treat it, which are administered every four hours during labour. Most women would choose to have a saline lock in place so they only need to be poked once with a needle, but I prefer repeated pokes and no saline lock.

Amber bustled up with a eighteen gauge needle and the longest saline lock I’ve ever seen with about a billion ports.
“Why are you using an eighteen gauge for an in and out I.V?” I asked, eying the huge needle with a green port (green is eighteen gauge).
“Oh, this is the standard size in obstetrics,” Amber assures me.
“Yes, I know it is, but it’s not staying in so can you get a smaller one?”
“No, this is all we have.” POKE, fiddle, tape, op site, more tape…I rolled my eyes. Then my midwife Cathy noticed what was going on and reiterated that Amber really needed to read my birth plan, because that I.V. would be coming out as soon as the antibiotics finished running. Amber's eyes widened in surprise:
“You would rather be poked more than once?” I laughed.
“YES! I know I’m weird, but that’s what I want!”

I’m not sure if it was the joke about me being weird, or if she figured my birth plan really deserved a read, but she was no more trouble after that. We didn’t need her much, so she was only in the room for a few more minutes and then for the birth itself, several hours later. This whole interaction took only about fifteen minutes but was an interesting example of the intersection between a medical approach and a humanistic or midwifery approach.

The kids all grouped around the room, eating timbits and looking around with wide eyes at the hospital room. Matthew was curious about all the machines, my I.V., the fetal monitor, the cupboards, the bathroom…

Ayden settled back in the soft chair and watched like a pro~he was present for Riley’s birth process and remembers it well. Riley was establishing territory with Matthew and settling his doll on the windowsill, waiting for the “baby come out.” All three soon settled in reading stories.

Brent was perfect labour support, he was very in tune with me and applied counter pressure to my back during contractions and rubbed my back in between whenever I asked him to. He was never far away. If he was occupied with one of the kids my mom filled in with counter pressure on my back.

It was interesting to me the amount of pressure I felt in my back during each contraction this time~my labour with Riley was almost all in the front. I didn’t have ‘back labour,’ because the pain was absent between contractions, and Amarys was in a good position (not posterior), but with every contraction my sacrum felt pulled with such force that it flexed in the middle. A few times I commented that it felt like my back was going to break in two pieces!

Brent’s mom and sister arrived and came into my room to say hello. Everyone was quiet and peaceful, but I like to have a number of supportive, loving family and friends around when I give birth so it was nice to feel like we filled the room and that there were a number of conversations going on at once.

When the I.V. antibiotics were started, I moved to my exercise ball on the floor by the bed. Early evening was generally the baby’s most active time of day, and so it wasn’t surprising that she started doing some major gymnastics at this point, causing her heart rate to increase to the 170s and 180s. Cathy recommended some time on the fetal monitor and I agreed. The monitor paddle kept being kicked by a very active baby and the sound made me giggle;

“thwockathwockathwockaTHUMPBUMPthwockathwockaKKKKKTHUMPBUMP!”

The movements were very visible. It was remarkable how everyone’s focus, even my own, moved from my body to the readout and noise coming from the monitor. We are a fairly low tech bunch of people who believe in physiological birth and a woman’s body knowing best and yet that machine is quite captivating! Once she settled down her heart rate returned to the mid 140s and stayed there, and Cathy removed the monitor.

For me, as long as I stayed vertical, either sitting or standing, and I had counter pressure, my contractions were very manageable. The antibiotics finished and the ridiculous eighteen gauge gadget was removed from my hand. I was free! The kids went to a waiting area next to our room to watch a movie, and I emptied my bladder and then climbed in the enormous bathtub.

WOW the tub was awesome! I loved the tub, I praised the tub, I determined I wanted to MARRY THE TUB! It was obviously designed for labouring women because it was enormous and deep. (Water births are not officially “allowed” at this hospital as yet, but this tub will be perfect once they are). The water really soothed me and helped me to maximize my hypnobirthing techniques to really get deeply relaxed during surges. It was still more comfortable for me to be upright so I mostly sat in the tub rather than lay down.

The best techniques that worked for me this time were counting backwards from ten, silently, and relaxing twice as much with each number. Usually by the count of six or seven, the height of that surge was finished and a few more breaths and it faded away. Sometimes the counting didn’t work so I would repeat, silently, “Relax, relax, relax,” or “Peace, peace, peace,” or if it was really intense, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!”

A few times I visualized my cervix melting away into the thinnest ribbon and lifting up and disappearing, and a few times I pictured that tree planted by the water in Jeremiah 17. Whenever I remembered that my friends and family were praying for me, I smiled, and a few times I laughed even during contractions if someone said something funny. Ina May mentions the dilating power of being positive in labour, so I tried to be as positive as I could.

This really helped me, as did the Birthing From Within concept of non focused awareness, because last time noises really bothered me, but this time full conversations didn’t bother me, nor did the Doppler, nor did the camera. There were floaties in my tub, but they didn’t freak me out. My strong fear of germ contamination was totally absent. It really was incredible how peaceful it all was, and how calm and capable I felt.

The kids were in and out of the bathroom during the several hours I was in the tub. I lost all track of time on purpose, and didn’t want cervical checks because I try to get away from my left brained, measuring, logical brain during birth, particularly the active phase. It's better in my experience to get deeply engrossed in the present moment, it makes things easier to cope with.

Counter pressure would have been helpful~before I got in the tub it brought my back pain from 7/10 down to 3/10 or less! But the tub was so large and deep that without his bathing suit it would have been awkward and pretty wet, and we forgot to pack Brent’s shorts. It wasn’t as bad in the tub, or I didn’t care as much, because I was managing well without the counter pressure.

I ate my evening snack in the tub, a pear and some cashews. When we arrived, and later when I got out of the tub, Cathy had me test my blood sugar. It was high after that snack so she had me give myself four units of short acting insulin to bring it down a bit.

I was also working to stay hydrated, but at one point in the tub my water bottle was too cold and each time I drank some of it, it gave me painful contractions. I asked for it to be warmed up and Cathy poured most of her peppermint tea into my water bottle: there’s a true example of midwifery care going above and beyond! I had expected warm tap water, but peppermint tea was infinitely better!

Suddenly, I hit an emotional wall, and I said, “Okay I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want to do this anymore.” Part of this was deadpan humour, but the other part was dead serious. I knew I was near the end, I didn’t want to face greater intensity, and I did not want to push. Cathy reassured me that because I didn’t want to continue, it meant I was almost finished, and that I was doing really well.

It was what I needed to hear. I told her I was afraid to push, and that I thought my vagina was too small to push out a baby, but she reassured me there, too, saying vaginas are built like accordions and designed to stretch. My mom reminded me of another analogy, where a tiny bud seems far too small to become a flower without violence or damage to the bud, but nature knows that full bloom is not only possible, but beautiful and natural.

After expressing not wanting to do this anymore, I felt bad for being negative and apologized for being whiny. Both Cathy and my mom laughed, because in general I was so quiet and peaceful, it didn't seem to them that I was being whiny at all. Cathy wanted me to get out of the tub for my second round of antibiotics and I kept saying, “Uh-huh,” but not actually doing it!

I had been feeling pressure but not a strong urge to push, and I had a feeling the decreased gravity in the tub was keeping me from really feeling a strong urge to push. I didn’t want to get out of my nice, warm tub oasis, and I figured that once I got out I wouldn’t be able to get back in. I didn’t mind too much the idea of pushing outside the tub, although I had hoped to break hospital policy and just ‘accidentally’ give birth in the tub.

This idea wasn’t something I felt strongly about but I couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t get out of the tub until it occurred to me that I was afraid to be cold. I remember the transitions in and out of the shower with Riley’s birth being quite uncomfortable. So I asked for some warm blankets to wrap around me when I climbed out, and they worked wonderfully.

I went over to sit on the bed for the second round of antibiotics but realized I should empty my bladder again. While I was on the toilet I got really pushy, and I thought, “Well, lots of babies are born on the toilet!” Cathy didn’t want me to give birth while she was fiddling with an I.V, especially on the toilet, so she abandoned the I.V. and asked me to move to the bed.

I did NOT want to be relegated to pushing on that darn bed like a beetle so I asked for the birth stool so I could be vertical while I was pushing. Both Cathy and myself anticipated this second stage to go quickly, so the second round of antibiotics was set aside as something we didn’t have time for. Ironically, I pushed for an hour!

I spent about half that time on the birth stool, and it was very nice and peaceful with the lights low, my mom on one side of me, Brent on the other side, Cathy waiting watchfully and encouraging me, and Louise taking photos very unobtrusively and occasionally encouraging me also. Eventually my tailbone got tired of being compressed on the chair during each push and I felt that lying down would be better because I could rest more completely between pushes, so I requested to lie on my side on the bed.

It was remarkable to experience the difference between a first and second delivery with regards to pushing; it took me a long time and a lot of help and coaching to push Riley out, but this time my body transitioned into the second stage seamlessly, and I breathed through contractions until the urge to push was too strong to resist, and my body did it for me. Cathy said this is normal, to need coaching for pushing the first time but be able to follow your body in subsequent labours.

Eventually the second round of antibiotics was given to me by a nurse that I loved because (a) she used a smaller needle without hesitation, and (b) she was quick, thoughtful, and worked hard to ensure it went in my vein between contractions despite them being very close together at this point.

I breathed and moaned and Cathy said a few times that my still intact waters were bulging and that once they broke, the baby’s head would be right behind them. I felt them once with my hand, and it was like a balloon filled with water, but with seams in the balloon. Eventually I said, “Can you please break them [my membranes]? I’m a strong believer in letting them break on their own, but this is ridiculous!”

Everyone laughed and Cathy tried to break them with her finger, but they were very strong so she needed an amnio hook. Right behind the waters, there was the head. When the baby’s head was crowning I swore, because the fullness was so intense and everything was stretched to its maximum. I think I was surprised that it stayed that way between contractions, and that is why I had such a strong reaction.

I tend to be quiet in labour and turn inward very deeply, so it was funny that I laboured so silently and then hollered at the end! The experience of pushing this second time was far more coordinated and natural than the first time, and I just followed my body.

The baby’s head emerged slowly and without tearing, with one loose loop of cord around the neck, but when her shoulders came out it was more difficult to control and I had a second degree tear. I had extensive tearing with Riley and scar tissue is not as strong as intact tissue so I wasn’t surprised, although Cathy was frustrated; we had worked together so well to ease the baby’s head out without trauma, and then the shoulders caused a tear!

I was so relieved that the baby was out! I reached down and Cathy passed her warm, slippery body to me, and I lifted it towards my chest. The cord was not long enough to come all the way up to my chest or for me to check if it was a boy or a girl, so we stayed cuddled up with her on my tummy while she was rubbed dry. She opened her eyes and let out a cry, and I was overcome with emotion and repeated, “You’re awake! You’re awake!”

This moment made me realize that a small part of me was still emotionally wounded from Riley being born unconscious and needing resuscitation and immediate separation. This birth helped to heal that memory for me. My mom couldn’t wait any longer and checked~she jumped up and down and shouted “YES!!” so we knew it must be a girl!!

Once the cord stopped pulsing Cathy clamped the cord and I cut it~our first time separated. I lifted her up to my chest and we stayed skin to skin for two hours, nursing and cuddling. It was perfect. I had knit her a hat, and she wore only the hat for two hours, and stayed on my skin under a towel and blanket acclimatizing to life on the outside.

The placenta took awhile to come, and although it had detached it was large and having difficulty coming out, so about half an hour after the birth Cathy proposed the idea of a shot of oxytocin to help expel it. We had been trying more natural methods, breastfeeding and being patient. I agreed to the shot and that did the trick; out came a large, healthy placenta.

Shortly after she was born, Brent went to tell the kids and grandma and auntie in the waiting room that we had a girl! The plan had been for the kids to be in the room when she was born, but it didn’t happen that way. They were very excited to have a sister though! And they had been a big part of the whole experience, so it was okay in the end. Brent gave them the choice to come in now, while there was still a lot of blood and the placenta yet to come out and suturing to do, or to wait until that was done.

They opted to wait. By the time we were ready to call them in, Matthew and Riley had fallen asleep and they were so exhausted that we couldn’t wake them up for more than a quick peek, but Ayden was enraptured. We all were! It was a wonderful, joyful, peaceful birth and I am so grateful to have experienced it. And we are all grateful for our baby girl!
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you.
~John 14:27

(Amarys was totally healthy with no blood sugar problems. We went home less than eight hours after she was born. She weighed 9 lbs 1 oz.)

Bio from the mom-

I am the editor of Mothers of Change www.mothersofchange.com

and I also have a blog, White Noise www.vosefamily.blogspot.com

Short bio: I am an artist, writer, women's advocate, doula, and kid-wrangler. I live in Western Canada with my wonderful husband and our four noisy, crazy kids. I blog at White Noise, and am the Editor of Mothers of Change, a birth advocacy organization working to improve maternity care services in Canada. I am passionate about breastfeeding, attachment parenting, ecological living, advocacy work, art, social justice, traveling, and raising awareness regarding mental illness.

Home Birth Video- With Big Sister As Stunning Doula

2012-02-12T12:51:00.000-08:00

What touched me most about this fantastic home birth video, was the sweet presence of big sister stroking and comforting her mother.

What a powerful lesson to teach our daughters-

Real female power, the beauty of nurturing, the joys of motherhood.

Share it with somebody who needs to know the beauty of birth.

Birth from Josh Rask Films on Vimeo.

2 Vessel Cord, Home Birth After In-Vitro

2012-02-11T20:00:00.000-08:00

You know, I just love miracle babies! This mom told me in her e-mail that she was 37 when she gave birth, after 3 rounds of IVF and that the baby was diagnosed with a 2 vessel (rather than 3) cord. Baby is healthy and beautiful toddler today! Yea for mamas who birth safely at home when they are "high risk"! (Still flabbergasted that 35 is high risk!)

Enjoy- and share with a friend!

So, after the sunset beach walk, we came home and decided that dinner was in order. I had been craving nachos all day...so we headed up to IV to Freebirds and split a very "healthy" meal of carne nachos. Little did I know that this would really be my final pregnant meal. I did enjoy it!

But on the way there and while eating and then again on the way home, I started to feel what seemed to me to be intense menstrual cramping...there wasn't really a rhythm to the feelings as they came and went yet. But when we got home Ryan started keeping track on a little notebook. We settled in to watch a movie and every once in awhile I would hold my belly and stretch out my legs and have to take some very deep breaths. I eventually gave up on the movie and decided that the best thing to do would be to try to go to sleep to rest up for labor tomorrow, which seemed likely. So I washed up and got in bed...and that lasted for about 30 mins...and through what were becoming more and more intense contractions. Laying in bed was the last thing I wanted to do.

Looking back on Ryan's notebook of contractions, it appears that I started active labor around 10:50ish. At the time I did not know this. But the notes show that contractions went from varying between 15-30 mins around 8pm - 10:45 to consistently under 6 mins after 10:45. Our rule of thumb for calling the midwife in the middle of the night was 4-1-1. Contractions 4 mins apart, lasting for a minute each, for a length of one hour. Ryan called Alice @ about 1:30am.

Most of my contractions did not last for a full 60 secs...most were about 30-45 seconds. My side note at this point, is that I was finding this very do-able. I was surprised at how "doable" it was actually. The big relief was having a full 3-4 mins of rest (no pain!) in between the intervals of pain (or rather waves of energy as we call it in the home birth world :) ). I spent most of time either on all fours on my yoga mat, or standing bent over with my hands on my upper thigh (much like my favorite recovery stance after a big run). I employed the breathing techniques that I learned that worked for me. These were mainly just deep breaths and centering the exhale breath long and slow in the direction of the "wave of energy" and murmuring a low, almost moaning sound.

When Alice arrived, she checked me. She quickly reported "Sweetie, you are very dilated. You are going to have a baby soon!" We had agreed ahead of time that I did not want to know the exact cm to which I was dilated in the hopes that I wouldn't be discouraged and start calculating. (for example if she measured me at 4 cm, I would immediately start thinking that I am less than half way there and possibly become exhausted just thinking about how much more work I had to do). We were in our bedroom and Alice went out to the loft where Ryan was setting up the birthing tub to talk to him. He quickly came back in to the bedroom, where I stood there contracting to report to me "Honey, you are already at 8 cm!".

This is where things really heated up and seemed to go quite quickly. I hope I can remember some details. I needed to have antibiotics administered to me (positive GBS) and we had asked Dr. Kristi to do insert the IV. She was on call and came immediately over. She put the IV in my hand with a butterfly ( I didn't want a Hep-Lock IV which I felt like would keep me from moving freely). She stood on the edge of the bed above me (she's much shorter than me) while I continued to stand and contract. I laugh when I think of this now, actually I think we laughed then. But it was all so normal and comfortable and exciting! The IV only took about 30 mins I think and then I got into the birthing tub. The tub felt great...quite a release of pressure. I kneeled in the tub like a frog and also reclined on my side for a bit. Ryan was there on the edge of the tub rubbing my hair and back.

Meanwhile another midwife, Anna and a birthing assistant, Jen had shown up. Very soon after being in the tub I felt the urge to push. I had read about this, but it was really an amazing feeling that naturally I could feel the baby moving down and I just knew it was time to move on to the next phase. It really felt good to push; I felt like I was really doing something active now. A short time ( I have no concept of time at this point) after I starting pushing I felt a popping sensation. I said I thought something just popped out of me. I wondered if I pooped! They looked around in the tub with a headlamp (it was all dark, except for some candle light) and didn't find any poop, but concluded that that was my bag of waters breaking.

I stayed in the tub for awhile, but then needed to move on to other pushing positions. I pushed for a total of 2 1/2 hours, and in that time was on all fours on the floor, in a form of child's pose on the bed with my head resting on a stack of pillows (I liked that one), I squatted on the floor resting against Ryan who held me up, on my side on the bed and finally on my back with my feet together pulled up close to my chest. I pulled against my legs/feet, Ryan laying next to me also holding against my leg. All during the pushing phase at various intervals the midwives took the baby's heartbeat. I was very concerned to hear from them that things were OK with her and that she was not in distress. The report was always that she is going great! That she was as good at this as her mommy. That made me feel great.

They encouraged me to look in the mirror as she was crowing. I really had no desire to at all. Maybe I thought it would freak me out, but I really think I was just in a zone and preferred to keep my eyes shut. But when her head started to emerge, everyone, including Ryan was commenting on how much hair she had and how dark it was. They encouraged me to reach down and touch her, which I did. It was amazing! I think I shook with excitement. I was very determined to GET HER OUT! Some contractions I pushed to a count of 10 5x before it ended.

Ryan has remarked several times, in reflection on the birth, that I never once said "I can't do this.", or even "It hurts" and I certainly never got mad at him and accused him of "doing this to me!". I do remember saying "ouch, that really hurts" however. At the very end, when she was crowning and I felt the burn. The midwives directed me to not push through the contractions but rather to puff, puff, puff out through them so as to allow my skin to stretch. This was certainly NOT easy and NOT fun and quite painful. I did the best that I could despite the fact that I really, really wanted to just push her out. Which is what I did at exactly 6;56 AM!

Margaux Elice Harding arrived in full voice announcing her arrival. She was strong and forceful from the moment she emerged. Bessie was downstairs in the guest room and when she heard Margaux screaming she started to bark. It was her way of saying "Hi!" I think. Margaux was placed on my chest and I held her and Ryan held me and we just couldn't believe it. Our long awaited "peanut" was here! Margaux, we love you!

Stats: Born 11/22/10 @ 6:56 AM, 9 lbs. 2 oz, 21 inches

We were so fortunate to have the team of the SB Midwives to care for me prenatally, encourage us, and support us through the birth safely. We continue to see them regularly with home visits nearly every day in postpartum follow-up. We will always remember these remarkable women and how they helped us bring our daughter into the world with such tender loving care.

Bessie was kicked out of her space on the loft and somehow managed to sleep by the fireplace throughout the commotion.

The birthing tub getting a fill-up.

Laboring with the support of Ryan.

I preferred to keep my eyes closed during most of labor and pushing.

Just moments after Margaux greets us in the world. We are amazed.

Ryan cuts the cord.

I am soooo happy to be face to face with my lil peanut.

Yes, I will absolutely chose to give birth at home next time, given the option. Home delivery is NOT just for pizza!

One Hour, 10 Minute Labor?! Wowza!- An Unassisted Surprise

2012-02-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

Can I just say I LOVE LOVE LOVE this birth story. That is how it is DONE ladies!

This pretty much says what I thought when I heard this,
"I just wrote my birth story. I was in labor for one hour and ten minutes. It was insane. I wanted to share it with your readers. "

I have to say, my fastest labor was also my most insane! And I want to share this with my readers too!

Enjoy!

When I saw those two purple lines, my first thought wasn't "YES! Another baby!" It was "YES! Now I can have my home birth!"

Not that my three hospital births were traumatic or bad, in fact, they had been very text book and "normal", as far as a medicalized birth in the United States goes. They had all been about the same: start labor at home in the morning, piddle around the house and take care of some projects for a few hours, eat a hearty meal because I knew the staff wouldn't let me eat, make my way to the hospital when the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart and lasted for one minute.

Then when I get there, get a cervical exam, an IV, fill out paperwork, be asked a million questions, have my waters broken, get tagged and put my uniform (oh, I mean hospital gown) on, go to my room, be put in a bed with a fetal monitor on my belly, a monitor on my finger, and an IV in my arm. Hopefully they wouldn't blow any of my veins in the process, but eventually they always would, and they'd always have to come in and adjust the monitors on my belly when I moved.

A few hours would pass, and the labor that stalled a little during admittance would pick back up. I would still be in bed, and around 6 or 7 cm, ask for the needle in my back to numb me from the waist down. For me, the epidurals always work really REALLY well. Then a few hours later, after resting, someone would come stick their fingers where the sun don't shine and declare me "ready" and count to ten over and over while I laid on my back with people holding my heavy legs up, pushing until I was blue in the face, until miraculously a baby came out.

The lusty cry, aided by a bulb syringe and vigorous rub down by the nurses, I had my baby laid on my chest while the Midwife swiftly clamped the cord, it was cut, and, when I was ready, the baby taken to the warmer while I delivered the placenta and people kneaded my uterus for a good while. Baby would get some shots, a heel stick, and other routine things, and then be left with me the rest of the night.

Nurses would pop in every few hours to make sure I peed, pooped, nursed ever 2 hours for at least 20 minutes, that the baby was pooping, seeing if I was no longer numb and was able to walk, check my bleeding, etc. Then the next day, we get to wait. And wait. All day, until finally, after someone comes to tell us how to be parents and give us a stack of paperwork as big as the one I got when I bought my house, I can drive away, baby securely in the car seat. I look at my husband in the drivers seat and think...

"They really let ME be a MOM?!" And it was the most scary, awesome feeling in the world.

Fast forward two and a half years since the last time, and I'm standing in my dining room with a stick in my hand, telling my husband, ready or not, baby #4 is on it's way. My youngest son started calling him Cookie, and life went on.

I had already seen Business of Being Born and decided I wanted something different. I'd seen midwives for all my pregnancies, and had family that had given birth at home or in a birth center. I had a few new friends who were doulas, and I became impassioned about becoming one, too. The Lord told me to wait until I was done having children to pursue it, but I still continued with the DONA required reading list, learning everything I could about normal childbirth.

I read Ina May Gaskin's book "Ina May's Guide to Child Birth", and it was an eye opener. I loved everything about the idea that my body could do what it was made to do without being poked or prodded, manipulated, or any of that. I just had to listen to my body, let go, and do what it told me to. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had prepared as much as I could: learning ways to relax and how to birth, what to do in case of complications, watching birth videos on youtube with my children, and reading all the birth stories online I could find.

I ordered the birth supplies, found an awesome, laid back, hands off midwife, and I was ready to have a baby the way I wanted to, on my terms, without having to fight for it. Fortunately my husband understood how important this was to me and supported me the best way he could.

Waiting, waiting, waiting for what felt like forever, when really, it wasn't that long, I was still more excited about crossing "have a home birth" off my bucket list than I was about the baby. I didn't really feel bonded to him, we were fighting about a name for months. Our son was almost named Alden.

A lot of this waiting was worrisome, as dad is a truck driver and when the weather is bad, the mountain passes close and he was stranded hours away with no way to get home. The two weeks before the birth, we never knew if he would be home or not, the weather was awful. We waited until 38+3 weeks, exactly a week, almost to the hour after I had "dropped", when Grandma said "Don't you usually have the baby a week after you drop?"

We went to bed Monday night after watching some TV. Well, my husband went to bed. I couldn't sleep because Cookie was so active. I stayed up and watched more TV and eventually fell asleep on the couch. It was normal that every evening, braxton-hicks contractions (more uncomfortable with each pregnancy) would creep up and bug me for a few hours.

At 1:45 am on Tuesday, January 31st, I woke up from a dream that I had had two really painful contractions, the kind I'd been waiting for, the kind that, unlike the teaser ones I'd had for weeks, some caused by a bladder infection the week before, wrapped around my back and over the top of my belly. Those were the ones I wanted, and they were finally here. Maybe. Were they? I don't know, my labors usually take all day, so no sense in waking everyone up in the middle of the night if I'm not going to deliver until the evening, as usual.

I headed to facebook to alert my birthy friends (on a separate list with all the gory play-by-play) that I thought I was actually in labor. But I couldn't even get through the status update without having a contraction. To see what I was in for, I went to contractionmaster.com and found after a short while that all my contractions were over a minute long and were about 4 minutes apart. They sure felt like they were getting worse each time.

At 2am I went in to wake up my husband. I tried to crawl into bed, but my body was not having it. John slowly woke himself up and got dressed while I kept moving, ordering him around. I called the midwife and the photographer (our cousin who lives an hour away) right after. I had a contraction while on the phone with the midwife and she said she'd hurry. I don't know why I told her to take her time. I guess I was really relaxed! I was planning on making the bed the way the midwife specified, getting the dishes done, cleaning up the mess from the day before, helping my hubs with the birth tub, etc. You know, those early labor projects I'd done with all my other kids.

HA! hahaha. Really? did I really think I"d have time for all the last minute things I had left to do? My husband ran around the house, trying to read my mind on what I wanted him to do. He amped up the water heater, got the tub in the house and started filling it, but by this time, I was in transition. I was walking, moving, pacing. Swaying my hips side to side didn't feel as good as front to back. But it was getting harder. I could feel the baby's head in my butt, pressing on my tailbone.

I knew I was in transition, the worst part of labor, the part I'd never got through without an epidural. I leaned over the side of the bed with a chux pad on the floor in case my water broke. Breathing deeply and slowly wasn't working anymore and I had already done the low moaning thing and it was now out the window, too. I had done so much visualizing of my cervix opening like a flower before labor that I didn't think anything different now.

I was trying to stay quiet, as the kids were all still asleep, and I kind of wanted it that way. I started singing Primary songs from church. For three verses (about two contractions) of "Teach Me to Walk in the Light", I coped really well with the pain. I thought that singing was something I could do for the rest of the labor, no sweat. It was not concert quality at ALL, but it really helped me focus and relax, and the pain subsided so much during contractions when I was singing.

At 2:30am, I could hear the tub filling across the house, and I wanted in so bad, but it was too hot to get in yet. So I went to the bathroom to relieve the pressure on baby from my bladder (part of my birth plan: stay hydrated, pee every 1/2 hour). That's when I heard a "POP!" and my water broke exactly where I wanted it to: in the toilet. no mess, no fuss. Immediately after that, I was feeling the urge to push and I started yelling "OOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!" as loud as humanly possible.

Needless to say, that woke up my oldest daughter, age 8, who had promised to help me during labor and moo with me during contractions. My younger daughter, age 5, was just behind her. My 8yo asked in the most chipper voice "what do you want me to do, mama?", completely unphased by my screaming.

She had helped pack the home birth supplies and knew where everything was. "TOWELS! CHUX PAD!" Was all I could mutter when the next contraction came on. By the time it was done, she had it laid out on the floor in front of the toilet. I called for my husband, I wanted him with me, to hold me, but when he got there, he couldn't read my mind as to what I wanted. He went back to tend the tub while I rolled off the toilet and on to all fours. He declared, "The tub is ready!" and I responded with

"I'm croooooowniiiiing! OOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!" I started praying between the contractions. Hubs came running "What do you want me to do?!"" CATCH! OOOOOWWW UUUGGGGGHHHHH!"

I'm sure he was wondering where the midwife was. This was NOT his job! He grabbed a towel from the good closet (knowing which supplies were which wasn't part of his training, oops). My body was pushing and I could feel the head descending through my pelvis with each push. It freaking hurt so bad. I felt that burning, but it also felt like I was going to get ripped in two. I had my hand applying pressure so that I wouldn't explode, like I felt like.

Everything was bulging and I could feel the top of his head get bigger and bigger each time my body squeezed him. I wasn't doing it, my body was. I was just along for the ride. After three contractions on the floor and the worst pain of my life, I could feel his head pop the rest of the way through and the rest of him slid right out behind, all at once, into daddy's hands behind me. The pain was immediately gone. It was 2:55am

Somehow this baby got passed under me and that rush of love came right away. I was still burning, but now I was shouting, "Ben! Oh baby! I love you! Oh my gosh, Ben! you are here!" I knelt there in awe with my family (except my 3yo son, he was still asleep) behind me. Ben was pink and breathing and beautiful. Only a tiny spot of vernix on his ear. His head, perfectly round. He was here! He gave a little cry and I checked to make sure he was still a boy. All body parts present and accounted for.

I heard some quiet crying behind me. I thought "oh, no! I have scarred my daughter for life!" But no. She had the biggest smile on her face. "I'm okay, mama, I'm just happy." The girl is amazing. She really stepped up and did just what I needed her to, what we had prepared for.

There was a knock at the door and my midwife's assistant came in as my dear husband, who has delivered his share of calves on the farm, with his nervous laugh said, "She's done! He's already here!". She later told me he was practically floating.

She gave us a quick once over and since we were fine, helped me deliver the placenta, since I was now feeling the urge to. She helped me make the trek to the bed, get changed, and wait for the midwife. She came about 15 minutes after the birth. They checked me for tears, and there were none. It was actually the first time I'd been checked at all, because cervical exams really aren't necessary, and I'd never requested one.

As we laid in bed as a family, Ben was finally awake enough to nurse, and has been doing so with no trouble since. He has a great latch. When the tools were ready, Dad cut the cord. Ben had plenty of time for the placenta to do it's job and pump all that good cord blood back into his body. We waited for a good while longer to weigh and measure so that the photographer would have something to take pictures of. Benjamin Joel Taylor was 7lbs 5 oz and 20 in long.

We hung out in bed for about an hour before I got showered and we all migrated to the living room. It was so nice to be able to walk around, use the bathroom, and eat. When I came out and saw that nice cooshy birth tub my husband had worked so hard to fill, I was a little bummed. That would have felt awesome during pushing. Our now "older" son woke up and came out with dad for some father/sons bonding time.

He was sleepy, but upon seeing his little brother, got the biggest smile on his face. When he was awake enough to hold him, Ben wiggled and his brother busted out laughing. He patted his little hands and Ben jerked with a startle. This made him laugh even harder. It was such a joy to see these brothers meet for the first time earthside. Our MWs left three hours later, and our cousin hung out with the kids and got them breakfast while we slept.

People said that I was crazy for wanting to have a homebirth. I didn't think it was that crazy. It's statistically safe and emotionally gratifying. But I gotta say now, it was crazy. It was the most crazy, intense, awesome hour of my life. Words cannot describe how it felt. A true journey in the human experience, which is what I came on earth to have. The thing about this birth is that I was so glad to have planned it for home.

Can you imagine trying to figure out if you are in labor, get ready, get the kids ready, take them to grandma's, and make it back to the hospital, check in, and get into a room in an hour? No? me neither. That baby would have been born in the car. So, I skipped the drama and stayed home. Would I do it again? If you could guarantee me that by going to the hospital I could have an epidural that enabled me to walk immediately afterward, left no sharp pain in my spine for a week or more, didn't give me headaches, and no IVs, too, I'd go back to the hospital. But that's not the way it works.

So, I trade my epidural for 5-10 minutes of sheer pain (the contractions were manageable, the pushing, OMG!), and I don't have to be poked or strapped down with monitors, or asked a ton of questions, or be separated from my family. I guess I'd do it again. Not tomorrow, but someday if...

What A Difference A Doula Makes- Natural Hospital Birth Story

2012-02-11T00:51:00.000-08:00

The Birth Story of Aislyn

There is just something wonderful about women helping women give birth. Feminine energy is a fantastic thing. I wish we always supported each other like this!

Share with a doula you love-

Enjoy~

On the bright and sunny,and surprisingly very warm day of April 10, 2011, my six year oldson and I took a little trip to the museum, then took a nice long,leisurely walk along the lake shore. I sat down, legs tired afterwalking almost 2 miles at 38 weeks 4 days pregnant, and watched mylittle guy splash in the water and giggle with each wave that washedupon him. As the sun warmed my skin, I closed my eyes, and toldmyself to really enjoy this moment, because it would likely be one ofthe last I would share with my son as an only child. We were very,very excited to be welcoming his sibling, and knew our very closerelationship we'd had the past six and a half years would changesoon.

A couple of days later, onApril 13, I did my Easter shopping, trying to gather all thechocolate, egg dye, grass and trinkets in enough time before havingthe baby. Because I'd been 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant when my sonwas born, I expected to be at least 3 days “late” with this one.I wanted to have everything set in case I happened to be in thehospital or in active labor come Easter morning. I had Braxton-Hicksall day long.

Later on, a friend gave me a ride to register my sonfor camp. We talked about some hand-me-downs she had for me. When shedropped me off, she yelled from the car as I walked toward the door“Hey, if you can, have the baby tomorrow for my birthday! That'd bethe best birthday present ever!” I told her “Ok, but I'm nothaving this baby for another week or so! Just wait until Eastermorning!” (my son was born Halloween, so I guess I just assumed allthe rest of my children would be born on holidays).

On the morning of April 14,2011, at 39 weeks pregnant, I woke up to some light contractionscoming on about every 6 or 7 minutes at around 6am. I walked my sonto school at 8am, trying not to get too excited about my contractions(I'd learned my lesson from 3 days from promodal labor last timearound). All the staff at the school asked me when I was going tofinally have that baby. I said maybe today! I don't think any of themtook me seriously. I told my son I might have the baby today, andthat the neighbors would pick him up if I was going to be in thehospital. He said ok and I kissed his forehead.

Luckily, on this day I didnot have class and I was working from home. I began to work on apaper I had hoped to finish before the baby came. About an hourlater, I began regularly timing my contractions. They were a littleirregular, lasting anywhere from 6 to 9 minutes apart, and lastingabout 30 to 40 seconds. I did my work through them for about 2 hours.After that, it started to get too intense for me to be on the clockwhen I was spending half the time rocking my hips and squatting todeal with all these contractions!

I called my mom and my doula, andtold them my contractions were about 5 to 7 minutes apart. My doulasaid “I think we're having a baby today!”. My mom could hardlybelieve today would be the day. I could still hardly believe itmyself, and kept half-expecting the contractions would stop and thatI'd be pregnant another week or so. After all, I hadn't lost my mucusplug or had any bloody show, or broke my water, some of the typicaltelltale signs of labor that would actually never come!

I hopped in the showerthinking it would make or break my contractions and I'd know once andfor all that I was truly going to have a baby today. Fifteen minutesin the shower drew my contractions to about 3 to 4 minutes apart,lasting about 45 seconds. They were gaining lots of intensity. Icontinued to rock my hips, and cursed at each contraction.

I finallydecided that I was indeed in labor. My doctor told me she wanted toknow well in advance that I was in labor, since she had a bit of adrive from home and knew I'd be coming to the hospital late in labor.So I called and gave her the heads up around 1pm. For some reason, Itried to sound composed, like everything was real smooth. It wassmooth, but I was definitely in active labor. I also gave my doula anupdate that my contractions were closer now. She asked if I wantedher to come, and I said yes. She was at her nanny gig, so sheinformed me she'd call the mother of the children she was watching tocome home.

I tried to fix some lunch.I made gorditas. Making lunch is not easy when you have contractionsbringing you to your knees every couple of minutes. To no surprise, Iburned my gorditas. I ate about half of one, then tried to get somerest. I realized I was past that phase where you should 'eat and tryto get some rest for later'. This was later!

I got back into the bathtub hoping I could relax in there. The bath tub was my haven! I lovedit there. It felt like a belt was squeezing me as tight as possible,and like a pile of bricks was stacked on my lower back. Layingagainst the back of the inside of the tub was a great relief. At thatpoint, my doula text me and said that it'd be a while until she couldget off from her job, and informed me she'd sent another doula overto help me.

At this point, I could hardly text. Living in a high riseuniversity campus housing building without intercom, I wondered how Iwould make it downstairs to let her in without looking like a womanabout to have a baby very, very soon. Right before I went downstairs,I threw up.

Around 2pm, the other doulaarrived. I tried to introduce myself properly and be hospitable,offering burnt gorditas and introducing my son in the pictures on thewall. She asked about how my labor was going, and I told her I waspretty sure I was in active labor. She said from the way I looked andspoke, it seemed like I was still pretty early. She started blowingup her birth ball and I went back into the bath tub. I cursed mycontractions some more.

When I came out, she told me her air pumpwasn't working. I could have cared less. I felt like an Amazonwarrior at this point. Instead, she gave me lower back massage andsome hip squeezes, which were soooo nice. She told me my doula couldarrive around 4, and asked if I wanted her to stay or not. I told hershe could do whatever she wanted, but my doula better be able to dohip squeezes like her! She assured me she could, but that she wantedto stay. Yay, 2 doulas!

At this point I could notmove much. I laid bent over the bed, with my doula at my side.Between contractions she asked me about my son and my studies. Sheanswered phone calls from my mother and my sister, who could not bewith me. My original doula also came at this time. I was sick to mystomach an additional two times. The contractions were so intense, tobe honest, I kept saying I wanted to jump out the window (5^thfloor). But really, I didn't actually want to.

Both doulas gave memassage and hip squeezes, and we worked on some visualizationtechniques. In my mind, I could see my baby moving further andfurther down. I could feel a bit of pressure in my vagina. I had beenthinking all day, I should get to the hospital around 5, definitelyhave to be there at 6. We started talking about going to the hospitalaround 4. I was weary—on one side, I knew my baby would arriveshortly. On the other, I was afraid I'd ask for an epidural, or thatI'd get a bunch of unnecessary interventions from my hospital-happydoctor who'd been waiting there since 1, and had actually called once in between to see where I was. We decided to hold out.

Within about 45 minutes, Iwas almost positive I was VERY, VERY close to having this baby. Ifelt a lot of pressure, and a bit of burn around my cervix. In mymind I could see my baby's head nearing the opening of my cervix intomy vagina. I kept trying to 'blow the baby down' with eachcontraction. However, at this point, I was often panicking andhyperventilating with each wave.

Around 5pm, I decided to try thebath tub again. As I was undressing, I let out a long grunt, to whichmy doula responded “What was that, Lindsey?”. I said I could feela burning ring of fire. The other doula rushed out the door to gether car. The doula that stayed with me helped me get my things andget dressed and led me out the door. I had a contraction at theelevator, to which one of my neighbors getting off the elevatorcongratulated me.

A little after 5pm, Iclimbed into the back seat of my doula's car. I stayed on my handsand knees. There was no other position I was comfortable in. Thehospital was only about 3 blocks from home, so we arrived quickly.However, I had to pause for a contraction before heading in the doorof emergency, where for some strange reason is where they register L&D patients. It seemed like it took forever for the L&D nurse toarrive. I couldn't sit or stand, just needed to get the baby out.

Thenurse practically ran down the hall to the elevator, pushing me inthe stupid wheelchair and my doulas hurrying behind. At L&Dtriage, I was given a cup to pee in. I tried, but considering my babywas squishing my bladder, I couldn't. The nurse then said, with anattitude, “OK you can have a seat in the waiting room.” I said“who?” She said, growing angry, “you!”. “Me?” I honestlydidn't believe she was sending me to the family waiting room.

My doulas and I went to thefamily waiting room, where an older lady and her daughter weresitting. The lady leaned over and said to her daughter “That'll beyou soon,” referring to me. I leaned over the chair and my doulasoffered their support. Within a couple of minutes, my water broke. Iwas so excited—with the birth of my son, I had been induced becauseof preeclampsia, and had my water broken and had my son deliveredwith forceps. To be have gone into labor naturally and for my waterto break on its own was already so liberating.

At that point, a team ofnurses got a bed and wheeled me into a delivery room. My doctor andher attending ran in. Everything went really quickly. I requested aroom with a tub, but it wasn't available, I guess. I quicklyundressed, being SO ready to have this baby. I hardly got my gown allthe way on, and hopped onto the bed. I laid on my side and my doctorchecked me.

She had hardly stuck her hand inside me when she lookedup, jaw dropped, and said “You're 10 cm and at about a +2 station,you can push”. Oh, thank you doctor, for giving me permission! Iinstinctively got on my hands and knees. The nurses and doctor yelledat me to flip over, even though when we'd discussed my birth plan shesaid I could birth in whatever position I chose. I pretty muchignored them and pushed at my own pace. The attending assured themeverything was “alright” and that he was going to show them athing or two about birthing positions.

As I heard the doctorstalking behind me, I was in my own world, visualizing my daughtermaking her way through the birth canal. As I pushed, I could see hercrowning. I could see her squished up face, her long black hair. Icould see that she was OP, which was why she was “turtling” as mydoctor termed it. However, after only about 5 pushes in about 10 or11 minutes, my baby girl Aislyn was born at 6:11pm on April 14, 2011,weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces, 19 inches long.

I could feel her head comeout, and then with another push the rest of her body slid out. I wasso excited that she'd arrived that I quickly flipped over to see herand hold her. At the same time, her cord ripped. I had not evennoticed. The nurses made a quick move to grab each end of it, hersand mine, and especially mine.

Soon after she was placed on my chest.I kept saying over and over to my doulas “I did it. I can't believeI actually did it. I pushed my baby out. I did it”. I was soelated. I was so glad I hadn't dressed all the way—we were skin toskin with lots of blankets over us, and she nursed right away veryeasily. I could not have felt more happy and empowered at that momentholding my little girl on my chest with my doulas at my side,praising my work and congratulating me.

Cheap and Healthy Pregnancy Foods

2012-02-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

(Photo from livelighter.org)

One of the most important things to me while I am pregnant is to eat healthy. I know what a huge difference it makes in the way I feel and my overall health. But, if you do your own shopping, you know that it is really much more expensive to eat healthy than it is to eat Ramen noodles for every meal.

During one of my pregnancies our family had all kinds of "fun" stuff going on like unemployment, moving, and starting a business. Though stressful, it gave me the opportunity to learn some tricks about eating as healthy as possible even when money was tight or non-existent.

I realize these won't work for everybody. Maybe you are a vegetarian, or you don't have any room for a garden, or no time for baking. Or maybe these are even a little too expensive for your situation. But take what works for you and use that to make your pregnancy as healthy as you can with what you have. Lots of these work well with growing young families too.

Make your own broth-

Making your own broth is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to add extra nutrients back into your diet that ordinarily you would just throw away. Also, you save money not buying canned broth which is full of sodium and MSG.

I like to make mine with chicken bones or a carcas. People tend to like eating only chicken breast, but if you are broke, they cost SO much more. Buying the cheapest chicken, legs or thighs usually, or a whole chicken is FAR cheaper. You can almost always get them for 99 cents a pound or less.
Make the meat one night and then save all your bones, (and skin if people don't eat it.)

That night, put all the chicken leftovers in a crock pot and cover with water. Throw in a little white vinegar- maybe 1/2 a cup or more. Turn it on high and let it cook about 24 hours. The cooking combined with the vinegar is said to pull the nutrients out of the bone. (I also cut or break my bones before hand.) There is a lot of nutrients in the marrow that we normally toss, but if you cook it this way, you can use it. (You can also make vegetable stock with the leftover pieces of veggies. Just keep a container handy in your fridge and make stock once a week.)

Divide your broth into containers and put in your fridge or freezer to use later instead of water or commercial broth. Soups, rice, beans, sauces, pretty much anything that would have used water can be replaced with homemade broth. It will add flavor and nutrients and costs you nothing to make.

Rice and Beans-

When you get tired of rice and beans you can switch it up and make beans and rice.

Seriously, we still eat this at least once a week. Soaking your own dry beans and then cooking them in your crock pot all day is much cheaper than buying canned beans. They are actually about the same price in the bulk organic bins at my local health food store as they are in bags at the grocery store.

Make them with your broth, an onion, some garlic, and seasonings, and you have a cheap complete protein. My kids beg for rice and beans. If you can afford it some cheese and sour cream, tomatoes and greens on top make it taste better.

Soup-

Again, you can use your broth and cheap veggies. If you have some meat you can throw it in there too. I usually make home-made biscuits with mine just because then everybody likes it better. Soup is a great way to get vegetables in, especially if you need more greens. As far as nutrients go, you can often find carrots, celery, and greens at decent prices. Which brings us to our next idea.

Garden-

If you have space for a little garden, you can save some money on vegetables during the summer. We got a lot of vegetables from our garden last summer. Why- because I grew the stuff I knew I could actually grow, which was....

Zucchini.

Zucchini is super easy to grow, hard to kill, and it produces like mad. You can throw it in pasta sauce, soup, bread, pancakes (shredded), eggs, casseroles, and even make a fun zucchini boat. Even one plant can produce a lot and help your budget. They like lots of sun and water though, so if you pay a lot for water that is a consideration. You can even shred it and put it in the freezer in bags for zucchini all year long!

Gleaning-

Depending on where you live, gleaning may be an option. There is an entire street in my town lined with walnut trees and they just fall on the ground and rot. Yes, you look homeless, but there is a lot of nutrients and protein in walnuts. Free is about as cheap as you will ever find them. You can even take the kids. Then open them and freeze them.

Sometimes if you live in an area where there are crops, they let people go after the harvest to get the extras. You can get pounds of fruit or vegetables that way. If you are really talented, you can even can your own fruit.

Eggs-

Eggs are a very cheap source of protein for a pregnant mama. Protein rich foods tend to be more expensive, so people who have less money tend to eat lots of carbs. But eggs can be added to carb rich dishes to get some more nutrients.

Eggs can be stirred into hot dishes like plain oatmeal, batters, even macaroni and cheese, in order to increase the protein you get. Even if you aren't a huge fan of eggs, you won't notice them in these dishes.

Pasta-

We eat a lot of pasta because...pasta is cheap, and it has the added benefit of the kids loving it. Plus, it makes you feel full. When I am pregnant though, and I need more nutrients I would make my own pasta sauce.

The cheapest way I found was by buying those HUGE cans of crushed tomatoes at a store like Costco. They usually cost under three dollars and yield around 4 jars or more of pasta sauce. Add your own cheap vegetables (like zucchini) onions, garlic, and whatever you have on hand.

To add extra protein, we would put cottage cheese on top of the pasta and sauce. It just kind of tastes like lasagna, without all the work. Cottage cheese isn't super cheap, but the price per gram of protein is usually less than most meats you would buy.

Cut out the junk-

Sometimes people are broke, but still spend a dollar here and there on candy. This is extra food that doesn't feed your body nutrients, but still costs money. The dollar you spend on the candy or gum could have bought a few bananas instead. Rather than spending money on things that don't feed you good stuff, switch it out for something healthy.

What are your tips for cheap and healthy meals for families? Add them in the comments-

Why Our Children Have Flaws

2012-02-08T22:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think parenthood exists to make us better people.

Today I had a conference with one of my children's teachers. She pointed out something I knew, but didn't want to hear. Not a big deal, just something about my child that he would struggle with.

Of course I can look at ALL my kids and see their strengths and weaknesses. They all have things they are good at and things they struggle with.

Maybe one is deeply honest, while another finds it easy to say what gets them out of trouble. Maybe one is incredibly verbal and another physically gifted. One is good with people and another good at building things. One loves to read and another loves to draw.

Suddenly today though I realized that somebody else noticed not just a strength, but a weakness of one of my children.

Then something amazing dawned on me- everybody is somebodies child.

Obvious yes, but important.

If my child is imperfect what about the child of another?

I am patient with my child when something is difficult for him. I realize that it was always difficult. I realize that maybe they inherited this tendency. I remember it being hard even when they were tiny. I notice the way I have influenced this trait. I also see all that they are GOOD at. I know that the "flaw" or difficulty is simply a wonderful part of them. I recognize how it makes them stronger, push themselves harder, or humbles them when they need it. Maybe they will have to work on it, but it doesn't make them BAD. It just makes them human.

Sometimes though when I am dealing with other people though, all I notice is their flaws. What they suck at looms so large that I fail to see their gifts, their trials, their talents.

This is when I realize that parenthood isn't just a gift given so that we can raise some kids and keep them alive. There are lessons woven through it, if we care to notice.

Everybody has flaws. Everybody has struggles. They all also have a story, a gift, a person who loves them.

Noticing the imperfections in my own children, helps me realize that I should be more gentle with the children, even the adult children, of those around me.

I am so grateful to be a mother. Not just because I get to have cool kids who bring me joy, but because it helps me find more love for the people I know who are also a loved child of someone else.

Maternity Art- Learning to Love the Pregnant Form

2012-02-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

I feel a little ashamed to admit this. But even though I love pregnancy and birth and think that pregnant women are gorgeous, I don't actually apply those thoughts to ME. So while pregnant I have very few pictures of myself. I always just feel fat.

This weekend I saw these amazing maternity paintings. I wanted to share them with you. If I had the money I would LOVE to have something like this of me- beautiful, pregnant, but no cellulite. (Not that there is anything wrong with cellulite. I love it on other people. Just not me.)

(If you really LOVE these, they are actually for sale. 400 each and the artist is located in Dallas and is a University of Dallas graduate. They are both 24x30. The top one is acrylic and the bottom one is oil. These would be perfect for a birth center or a midwifery office. She also takes commissioned pieces and can paint from a photo. You can contact her at 972.824.3015)

Everything I Know About Natural Birth I Learned From Chuck Norris

2012-01-30T23:53:00.000-08:00

If you know me in real life, you know I have an unhealthy love for Chuck Norris. Who could help but love a guy who is so awesome?!

Less known about Chuck are his thoughts on natural birth. Of course, I agree with him. Let's take a look.

~Since Mr Norris is incredible, he could of course give birth, even though he is a man. But he wouldn't because he respects women too much.

~But if Chuck did give birth, he wouldn't do it on his back. He COULD, because, let's face it, he can run around the earth fast enough to punch himself in the back of the head. But he WOULDN'T. Because nobody tells Chuck how to give birth. And if they did, they would regret it. For about 10 seconds. Then everything would go black.

~If Chuck gave birth, he would do it naturally. Chuck is a precision athlete. Death is afraid of him. This is not a man who believes in epidurals. The needle probably couldn't penetrate his spine anyway, but he wouldn't let it, because he knows that in order to experience peak performance, you must be free to move and free of drugs.

~An IV? NO WAY. First, needles can't puncture his skin. Second, Chuck drinks his fluid through his mouth, the way it was intended. Plus, who wants to look all bloated when filming Walker, Texas Ranger?

~Hospital gowns? Not on your life. Chuck's boots simply don't go well with hospital gowns. Plus, even Chuck Norris isn't taken seriously if you can see his tail end every time he walks down the hall. Pants always beats no pants.

~The words, "They Let Me" have never passed Chuck's lips. We are talking about a man who has dinosaurs HIDING FROM HIM (No, they are not extinct, they are hiding from Chuck Norris.) Chuck doesn't let anybody determine what he can or can't do. Chuck is in charge of Chuck. The End.

~Would Chuck allow a vaginal exam while he was pregnant? Would he even want one in labor? Are you kidding? Chuck knows that his baby will come when it wants to come. He doesn't need to know how dilated he is so that an expert can "guess" about time of birth.
Who is in charge?

Chuck-

Who stays clothed until he wants to get naked?

Chuck.

~Does Chuck allow somebody else to "predict" a "due date" for the Chuck baby?

WHATEVER.

Chuck's baby comes when Chuck's baby is ready. A man who can count to infinity twice, can have a baby come whenever he darn well pleases.

~Immediate cord clamping? Did you know Chuck Norris was in Star Wars? He was the FORCE. Why on earth would somebody like that want his baby to be denied any precious blood? No way in heck. The Chuck baby gets all the blood it needs, because everybody knows that stuff is powerful.

(Disclaimer- I am going to go ahead and stop here. It is apparent that the hour is late and I am losing my mind. For the record, I don't actually know, nor have I ever spoken to Chuck Norris. I have no idea what his thoughts are on natural birth, or if he in fact even HAS thoughts on natural birth. I made all this stuff up. I do enjoy Chuck Norris jokes, but I don't believe my love of them is actually unhealthy. This post may prove otherwise. But, even so, maybe you can read it to your husband. Men usually like Chuck Norris jokes.)

A Good Hospital Birth- And A Funny Hubby

2012-01-30T21:30:00.000-08:00

I am so pleased to share this birth story from one of our mamas. She has been a wonderful presence on the Mama Birth Facebook page for some time and is always positive and kind. And of course, who doesn't love a nice Monty Python skit while in labor?!

Enjoy-

This was a hard pregnancy on me. I hadmorning sickness for the first 4 months along with insomnia. Those two don’tmake for a happy pregnant mama. But they both passed and I was able to enjoythe next few months of pregnancy. When Iwas about 24 weeks pregnant, I started having some mild stress/activity relatedcontractions which was really hard on me because I had two kids and wasbabysitting two kids at the time. I had to drastically change things and takeit very easy for the next 3 months. My other two boys were late so I was partlyexpecting to run ‘late’ with this one but at the same time, with all thecontractions I was having, I was trying not to get my hopes up that he mightcome early.

I had beenhaving contractions for the past couple weeks but nothing consistent orpainful. Wednesday the 1^stof June,I got up and got the boys ready and decided to take them to the mall since theyhad been asking to go for quite some time. We walked around for about an hourand then went to the grocery store. After that we came home and stayed busy andmoving around by made some cookies and banana bread.

I called to make anappointment to get pedicures for Husband and myself for Thursday since I toldhim I would go and get one with him before Baby got here. I made arrangementswith my sister and she said she would take the boys for the night and then allday Thursday (since she wasn’t working), so Husband and I could get thepedicures and spend some time together-- just us.

Wednesdaynight, I took the boys over to my sisters and brought home some deliciousSubway for Husband and myself. Yum! We went to Bible Study and as usual I wasuncomfortable sitting in those pews, but it was ok. I knew this was coming toan end soon. After the Study, we went to get some ice cream with some friends--and of course the usual “So when are you going to pop?’’ and also the “I thinkI would be pushing for an epidural! I couldn’t handle it…’’ phrases from theonly single (and obviously uneducated) man at the table. My comment back wassomething along the lines of “well, that’s what makes women stronger” orsomething like that. Before we left, one of the ladies said “Hopefully you willbe skinnier the next time I see you.” Good laugh at that one.

I woke uparound 5:00 Thursday morning having contractions that were surprisinglyconsistent! I got up and took a shower just knowing that today was the day! Ifixed my hair and did my make up… I was going to go in looking fabulous!! About8am, I lost the mucus plug and knew that this was real.

For the past couple days I had the feelingI was “leaking” but didn’t even THINK that it could have been my waters. I wentabout my morning, finishing up some things I wanted to get done before weheaded to the hospital. I needed to get laundry sorted for either my husband orsister to do while I was busy pushing a baby out, and I needed to clean mykitchen. Both tasks were completed and then we headed out.

When I got tothe hospital, we waited for about 20 minutes and at 9:45 am, they called usback to get checked. They checked to see if my water had broken and how fardilated I was. I was very disappointedthat I was only 1 cm. I thought for SURE (due to how long they were consistentand the increase in pain) I would be at least a 3. It was very heartbreakingfor this woman in labor. The RN came back in and said that my water was in factbroken so I got to stay at the hospital!

This was it….I wasn’t leaving till I had my baby in my arms. Oh I couldn’t wait!! I was soincredibly nervous and incredibly in pain but I knew that in a few short hoursI would be holding a baby. MY BABY! The baby I had been growing inside of mefor 9 months, who decided to break the pattern set in place by his brother andarrive one day before the “guess date” instead of a week late!

I am thankful this is where I part withthe RN. If she would have been my nurse during labor, she would have probablybeen punched in the face. Maybe not that drastic, but my husband would havekicked her out and got me a new nurse. Right away, after she told me that mywater was broken, she immediately told me I needed to get a pitocin drip to‘speed things along’ since I was unsure how long my water had been broken andthere was a chance I could get an infection which would stop me from dilatingand then I would end up with a c-section. “and we know you don’t want that.”she said. (That’s where the punching part would have come in.)

I had never heard of an infection likethat but I surely wasn’t going to just ‘ok’ the pitocin. I told her no, and she told me, quite rudely, with a frustrated tone, that my Dr would have to talk to me about it(but, when my Dr came in to check on me a couple hours later, did she mentionanything about needing a pit drip? NO!! ) I texted a doula friend of mine andtold her about it and she gave me the reassurance I needed to not freak out atthe moment.

They sent meto a delivery room right away and there I met one of the fabulous nurses Iwould be spending the day with, Edie. We showed her my birth plan which sheabsolutely had NO issues with. For thefirst hour or so, we did the necessary paperwork and got settled in. She wasvery courteous when it came to my birth wishes and I agreed that once an hourfor 20 minutes, I would be put on the monitor so they could check the baby.

After all the paperwork was done, we talkedabout the IV. I was GBS+ and therefore the antibiotics needed to beadministered 2 times, 4 hours apart before baby came or hospital protocol wasto immediately give baby antibiotics and keep the baby 48 hours for observation. NO THANKS! I’ll just make sure Iget the 2 full doses. So about 10:30 Igot my first dose. Thankfully, after the first dose I didn’t have to be hookedup to the machine for the next 4 hours (thank you heploc!)

During thefirst dose (which took an hour) I sat around and watched some TV, ate some ofmy “secret” food, and was left alone. My contractions were slowly getting morepainful, but between that first dose and second dose, I was able to soothemyself by rubbing my back (I had horrendous back labor). The birthing ball wasamazing! Sitting on that, while laying my head on the bed, with propped pillowseverywhere allowed me to get a decent amount of rest while I could!

Husband had some things he had to takecare of so he was out for a majority of the day, leaving me to labor in peace.

At 6:30, Icalled Edie into the room telling her my water had just fully broken. Yikes.THAT was a mess. It felt like it just kept gushing in waves forever! Edie asked me if I wanted to be checked and ifso, if I wanted the OB on call to check me or wait until my Dr came up to checkme. I was anxious at that point to see how far dilated I was so I told her tojust go ahead and have the OB on call check me. I was only 3cm dilated. 3! Thatwas it. I said, “Really?!” with a disappointed tone and look. I guess because I wasn’t laying on my back(like the previous two births) that was the reason that it kept gushing in waves.

They noticed that it was a lightshade of not clear fluid, meaning that there was meconium present. My Dr camein and talked to me for a minute about it. She told me that since there wasmeconium that the NICU team would be present at the birth to make sure that hehadn’t inhaled any into his lungs. This meant that they would cut the cordimmediately and I wouldn’t get the delayed clamping I had wanted., but all inthe best interest of my baby. Of course I wanted my baby to be ok, so I toldthem that was fine and went on laboring.

( It wasn’t till afterwards I learned thatisn’t a “true” emergency/ reason to cut the cord. Oh well… live and learn.)

But after that,things sped up tremendously. I went from a 3 to a 10 in just an hour and ahalf.

My Dr came in shortly after that and shestayed in there and helped me through the contractions, which was a huge relieffor me. She helped me find a comfortable position to labor in was the toughest part.I HAD to have pressure on my back during a contraction so lying down was NOT anoption. I ended up sitting the bed up all the way, sitting on my knees leaningmy belly against it and laying my head at the very top. This was where thefocus got serious. All day I had beenpraying through each contraction, which was an easy way to focus, asking God tojust help me through each one. My breathing stayed smooth and slow and eachcontraction was a breeze.)

At this time,things were serious. NO ONE could talk to me, I had to tell myself-out loud- tofocus- and then I prayed HARD that He would help me through each one, becausenow they were almost unbearable. I focused on each breath because if I didn’t,I would lose sight of everything and go into panic mode-- which happened a fewtimes.

A little after7 pm, Edie came over to introduce the new nurse who just came on shift torelieve Edie. Her name was Amelia. She was amazing-- So awesome and a perfectfit for me. While in the upright position, during contractions, she juststepped right in and started putting pressure on my back when I needed it. Mypoor husband, he tried, but just couldn’t do it right.

(And of course it was also about thistime, that he brings the iPad over and plays this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcHdF1eHhgc

WHAT was he thinking!? He said he wastrying to “lighten the mood” Ha!! Yeah, the iPad almost made a 3 story drop tothe pavement. )

I think Istayed like that for about 30 minute before that position wasn’t working anymore,so I scooted to the end of the bed and sat on my crossed legs, rocking back andforth. I think this was the point where I started to fade, and wasn’t verycoherent. I'm not sure if it was just because I was worn out or if it was mybody’s way of dealing with the pain, but I would say “Pressure!” andimmediately someone (Amelia or Dr Spears) would be at my back putting pressureon it. I don’t really remember the painwhile I was in that position either. Iwas there till about 7:45

And then itcame. The first urge to push! And then again. I lay back on the bed because my Dr told me that she had one patientfall off the bed and crack her head open and she didn’t want me to do the same. This was the time when I NEEDED to stayfocused but found myself losing my focusand went into a slight panic state. As I lay there, in a panic, focusing wasn’teven in my thoughts anymore. I couldn’t control my body and from there I feltthat I couldn’t control anything.

Dr Spears gother stuff ready and the NICU team came in, and before I knew it the urges keptcoming. Dr Spears asked me if I wanted to try to push and at first I said yes,but then told her no… my body wasn’t ready. Almost, but not quite. After a fewmore minutes, it was time. There was no more holding back. My baby was almosthere!!! After 7 or 8 minutes of my body doing all the work, we had a baby. 8:02pm on June 2^nd 2011, Logan Carl finally made it earthside.

Dr Spears asked Daddy if he wanted to cutthe cord and he said no. Then she asked me but I just couldn’t. I was too exhausted. The NICU team whiskedhim away but he was back in my arms 2 minutes later. In my arms, nursinghappily. He was content. He nursed for the first hour and a half of his life. Iwas so happy to finally have him in my arms.

About 2 hours later, he was finallyweighed-- 8lbs 2oz 21.5inches long. My biggest baby, my all natural baby.

Sisters In Birth- How One Sister's C-Section Led To Another Sister's Home Birth

2012-01-28T15:30:00.000-08:00

This story illustrates how the impetus to have a home birth for many women has nothing to do with what celebrities are doing, and everything to do with how women are treated in the hospital. A tale of two sisters-

Enjoy-

Sisters and birth- Finnigin's (and Ozius's) Birth story

Before I can write my birth story for Finnigin I guess I need to write a pregnancy story. My story is so tangled in my sister's story.I found out I was pregnant with my third child when my younger sister, Merissa was at the end of her pregnancy with her first. (Yay! hand-me-down maternity clothes!)

She had decided to go the traditional route and have a hospital/ OB birth. I had always wanted to have a midwife and a homebirth but I guess I was scared of going outside the box of 'norm'. My Aunt had had all of her children at home including a set of twins, who weighed in at 6lbs 9 oz and 6lbs 11 oz! (My preemie daughter had weighed 6lbs 10 oz) but my Mom had had me and my 3 siblings in the hospital.

My sister Merissa 41 weeks

Merissa had actually gone to her first prenatal visit and realized that HER Dr. Williams was the same Dr. Williams that had delivered all of us back in the 80s (I can't make this kind of stuff up).

She really liked her and was comforted by the fact that she was a very experienced Dr. and we knew that she had delivered my brother breech vaginally, which even then was uncommon. My sisters biggest fear was having a c-section (who ISN'T afraid of a c-section??) so she felt more comfortable knowing Dr. Williams was a veteran.

I was about eight weeks along when my sister went into labor. She was a week and a half past her due date and big as a house. After having contractions all night Saturday night she headed to the hospital about noon. Dr. Williams wasn't there and wouldn't be expected until the next day.

She was about 4 cm dilated and the first thing they did was break her water. My sister had been there less than four hours when the Dr. started talking about a c-section. We were all very much against that, which seemed to piss the Dr. off. The Dr. was horribly mean so of course the nurses followed suite. A little back story: My sister has severe anxiety and had been off her med through her entire pregnancy, so I think the mere mention of the word 'c-section' stopped her labor dead in it's tracks.

We mentioned this to the doctor,my mother and I, rather forcefully (I guess bitchy would be more accurate) which really incensed her. My sister had been adamant that she didn't want pain meds either. I went med free with my first son and knew from experience how hard it was to get the nurses AND doctors to respect those wishes, and it was no different for Merissa. A c-section looked more and more eminent.

I had to finally go home and take care of my two older kids. I wanted to go back but it was REALLY hitting me because my sister's fear was my fear. My Mom stayed with her while she labored all night. After telling the doctor off, she pretty much left Merissa alone. In a bed. By herself. ALL night.

The doctor told her she wasn't allowed to get up, and told the nurses she couldn't have anymore ice chips. I really feel like the doctor was trying to punish Merissa. She wasn't fitting into the hospitals 'plans". The next day Dr. Williams finally got there but Merissa was exhausted. She was stalled at 9 1/2 cm, hadn't eaten in over 24 hours and was starting to get delirious.

My beautiful nephew was born via emergency c-section Monday afternoon weighing in at 10lbs 3 oz.

Me 41 weeks

......Oh yeah this was supposed to be My birth story LOL

I hurt so bad for my sister. I knew, KNEW that she could have done it. The doctor totally sabotaged her labor....but sadly that is a typical hospital birth. I still hadn't had my first prenatal visit and at 13 weeks finally MADE myself see an OBGYN.

She was nice, the staff was nice, I HATED it! It felt like the hospital. I never went back. My mom was disapproving about finding a midwife "Just go to the doctor like EVERYONE else." I started scouring the internet LOOKING. As I was looking I stumbled upon Multiple Blessings, a midwife who had helped deliver lots of twins, named Robin. She made me think about my aunt SO much, so I took this as the sign I needed and sent an email.

I know I must have sounded like a nervous wreck when we talked on the phone. Robin was SO reassuring. She soothed my fears like nothing else had. I was amazed that she came to my house for each prenatal visit.( 'You mean I don' have to leave my house?!") I had had high blood pressure with my first pregnancy and delivered at 36 weeks, so that was always an issue.

I learned so much about pregnancy being cared for by Robin. You would think that I would know all of this since I had two babies before this but doctors don't seem interested in educating their patients. The weeks went by and we developed a great relationship. Her student midwives, Jean and Heather would practice determining the baby's position on me (being a guinea pig is fun! lol) And my appointments felt like visiting with friends, not the emotional ordeal that doctors visits had been in the past.

My due date came and went. We looked back at my dates and figured out that my Oct. 8th due date was probably more like Oct. 15th. There is NOTHING more horrible than being 40 weeks pregnant and being told, Nope you have maybe 3 more weeks to go. Uhhhg I was miserable trying to take care of my kids and house. Getting my son on the bus was almost impossible.

A 50lb 4 year old with autism and a hugely pregnant Mommy who can't pick him up or chase after him don't mix well! :( My wonderful sister would bring the baby over and I would hold him while she got Emerson on the bus, or more accurately carried him to the bus while he threw an atomic meltdown because school was "YUCKEEEEEEYYYYY!" I don't know what I would have done with out her!

Okay now, after that novel of a back-story on to the birth story!

On Friday,almost a week after my 'new' due date, Robin checked me to see how my cervix was doing. 75% effaced and 1/2 cm dilated. I could CRY! (I think I did) So we were going to wait and see what happened over the weekend. After my appointment Merissa and I met our Mom for lunch.

I started having some good contractions while we were out but nothing too regular. In my head I kept thinking maybe tonight. It's got to be soon." ....YEEAAAH, I don't know why I was giving myself false hope. lol The contractions continued on like this ALL. Damn. Weekend. 8-10 minutes apart for 4 hours, then every hour, then nothing, and then start right back up again. I called Robin every time any little thing changed, bless her heart.

My husband works a rotating shift and he was starting up on the night shift Monday night. I was nervous to be alone with the kids in case business started happening. Monday night around 12:30 (Tuesday morning?) I called Robin because the contractions were getting more regular and intense. When she got to my house, she checked and I was fully effaced but only dilated to maybe a 2 1/2. (I could cry AGAIN) She had me take some Benadryl and said that was a good way to see if this was real labor or not. If it was the real deal then the contractions would continue and if not then I could at least get some sleep. She went home to get some sleep of her own and said to call back later with an update.

Well they continued to get more regular and intense I started walking around the living room. My couch is in the middle of the room so I just kept walking around and around. That afternoon Robin, Jean and Heather showed back up and we got down to the important business of waiting, again, more. ...waiting...

When Robin checked me again I think I was close to 6 cm dilated, which was progress but felt like not enough since I had been in labor since Friday and this was nearing Tuesday EVENING. Around and around that couch. Around and around. Everyone was just sitting, chatting, my kind of gathering.

My mom made a plate of fruit and cheese and every time I came around I would grab something. A bite of a strawberry, or pop a grape in my mouth. Every so often Robin would ask "Have you had a drink of water recently?" or 'When was the last time you peed?" I added a glass of water to my orbital path around the couch and made sure to yell it out every time I went to the bathroom(which was maybe every 10 minutes) TMI has no place when you are having a baby.

Jean asked if I need anything and what I really needed was a distraction. So out came the mad libs! Hilarious and sort of a mistake because it hurts to laugh during a contraction, but who CAN"T laugh during mad libs?? Very diverting. ;)

At this point I had not been left alone for even a second and felt very well taken care of. Finally Merissa showed up. She had been dealing with the children and had to wait for someone to take over before she could come.

I instinctively knew she had to be there for the birth. My Mom had been there for my first two hospital births but with Merissa's HORRIBLE, traumatizing experience I knew I wanted her to be with me. I mean it was her experience that had given my the push to look for something different. Something better. (hehe, push)

I think I must have relaxed a little after Merissa got there because everything started to happen all at one. I went to the bathroom and as I was sitting there, I hear, and feel this loud POP. (I think it was just in my head) Finally, my water had broken! By then another midwife, Joy, had arrived and I called for Robin. They both came and checked to make sure the water didn't have any meconium in it. As the next contraction came It was excruciating! It was time.

Heather and Jean had set up the birthing chair in my room, so Robin and Joy helped me get there. The birthing chair looks like a metal frame with a pink pool noodle on it for comfort. It was the best! As soon as I was on it I started pushing. I had a death grip on my sister's hand. She was counting and rubbing my back, just like I had done for her in the hospital all those months before. I think I was was on that chair for a total of 2-3 contractions and then, there is my sweet boy! 8lbs 14oz 22 inches long! It's not 10lbs 3 oz but that's still a pretty hefty baby!

Mind you it had been a mere EIGHT minutes since my water had broken. I held him until the umbilical cord stopped pulsing. All of us crying( my husband was there too, did I forget to mention that? lol)

Later my sister told me that being there, watching me have my baby in the MOST natural way, was like a healing balm to her memories of her horrible birth experience. Those two were her only reference of birth and they couldn't have been more night and day! Hope is the word.

I could get on my soap box and preach the poor treatment of women in the hospital system but I think my experience speaks for it's self. When people hear that I had a home birth the most common reaction is "Wow, you're BRAVE!" I don't think so. I think my sister is far more brave than me to have gone through what she has.....

Finnigin

Ozius

An 11 lb, 12 oz HBAC- Home Birth Equals Healthy Birth

2012-01-28T00:10:00.000-08:00

Wow- Just wow. What an amazing birth. One thing I love about it is that it highlights how HEALTHY and SAFE natural birth can be. Natural birth and home birth isn't the option for everybody. But sometimes it is quite simply the safest and healthiest option for some women. Thank you to this mother and her mind blowing story! And thank you for sharing your journey with us!

First of all I just want to start off by saying...Trust your body and your baby always...Don't let anyone ever tell you that your baby is 'too big' to birth if it's not what you believe. No one knows your body and your baby better than YOU!

Our little (BIG) baby girl is finally here! She arrived at 41 weeks and is super healthy and beautiful! I want to share a little bit of my birth history with you. My story starts almost 4 years ago with the birth of our firstborn son, Nolan. We had planned on a natural childbirth but all that went out the window upon entering the hospital and after 13 hours of labor and 3.5 hours of pushing Nolan was born via C-section due to baby being malpositioned. He was 8lbs. 5.5oz at birth and very healthy.

In July 2009 we found out we were expecting baby #2! We did all the right things and hired a doula and took Bradley Method classes and were preparing ourselves for an unmedicated VBAC....We almost got the birth experienced desired but plans went south, yet again when she wouldn't descend and after 21 hours of labor, 7 hours of pushing she was delivered via forceps at 10lbs. 5oz.

Both of these births resulted in very healthy babies but horribly awful and deathly allergic reactions in myself due to unknown meds given after the births. That is the short of my previous experiences. I knew that any subsequent births would not take place in the hospital...The hospital is for sick people, and I am not sick!

When we found out we were expecting for the 3rd time in April 2011 and we knew we would be be planning things differently. We knew that the best plan of action was for me to stay the hell out of the hospital and to have this baby in the comfort of our own home. After many struggles of finding the right midwife and dealing with supportive and then unsupportive OBs, we finally had the right birth team constructed and moved forward with our plans for HBAC (homebirth after cesarean). We hired an amazing midwife from Wisconsin and was also being seen by my OB since our midwife lived 4 hours away from us.

I had a great pregnancy and knew we would be expecting another rather large baby by term. At 40 weeks, I consented to an ultrasound/biophysical profile to check fluid levels on baby and got the news that they had expected baby to at least be 12 lbs. but were thinking she would be more in the 12-15 lb. range! An immediate repeat C-section was recommended and I got all the scare tactics of how baby would not make it and blah blah blah, "babies THAT big do not come out in one piece vaginally." Again, blah blah blah...That appointment did shake me up quite a bit and I really didn't know what to do at that point.

Obviously I wanted to do what's best for our baby but didn't quite know what that was anymore. I know there is a huge margin of error with late term ultrasounds but I knew baby was at least 10 pounds at that point and probably a little bigger. I got online and posted my story on the 'Birth Without Fear' facebook page and got hundreds of responses of people supporting me and cheering me on saying, I knew my baby and my body best.

My husband, Catlin also never lost faith, not for one second..After talking with him, our midwife and the rest of the world wide web we were back on track! I had weeks and weeks of prodromal labor and our midwife and her amazing assistant who is also an RN traveled to us to make sure all was well and to wait for labor to start since we knew it would be soon. This was Monday, the 9th, 2 days before 'real' labor. Okay, now moving to the good stuff..........

On January 11th at 5:00am I woke up to a very strong contraction that I knew was different from the ones I had been having for 3+ weeks..I went back to sleep and then 5 minutes later another one...even more intense. I flew out of bed and asked Cat to draw me a bath and told him what was going on...We headed downstairs and the contractions began to pick up. Got in the bath and told Cat to call the midwife (who was staying at a nearby hotel) just to let them know things might be happening.

He decided not to call since I had on/off regular contractions for weeks prior and he wasn't quite sure this was it...I, on the other hand knew we would be meeting our baby very soon. Contractions picked up right away to about 3 minutes apart and I was already having to vocalize through them.

I think at that point Cat finally agreed 'this was it' and he called the midwife. I knew at that point that THIS WAS IT! Midwife arrived at 8ish and immediately knew things were moving so they got their supplies set up and the birth pool filled. I got in at 8:30ish and tried to relax through contractions but was already beginning to feel the urge to push with each one.

This was amazing as it was something I had never experienced....you know, that urge to push...Something I was never able to feel in my previous births since I was all drugged up with the epidural...So happy to be at home this time....

Anyway, after having a few grunty pushes and switching positions frequently all of a sudden it felt as if my vagina was trying to throw up a bowling ball and I flipped from hands and knees leaning on Catlin to squatting and just kept ppuuuuuuuuusssssssshhhhhhiiiinnnnnngggggg!

POP!

I exclaimed, "SOMETHING BROKE!" (It as my water breaking) followed by AAAARRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!Catlin said to me in a very calm voice, "okay good, now let's try and not push through the next one so you save some energy."

I was like, "Are you freakin' kidding me??? I caaaaaaaaaannnnnnn'ttttttt stop, THE BABY IS COMING, I FEEL A HEAD!!!!!!After just 15 minutes of active pushing our little 'BIG' baby emerged into the water and Cat immediately placed her in my arms! After several minutes of pure bliss we thought, "what do we have?" Cat announced "It's a GIRL!!!" Tears filled the room.

She's here! She's healthy and in one piece, she didn't get stuck! I'm here and healthy and NO hemorrhage (like in the hospital). We waited for the cord to stop pulsating before clamping and cutting and the placenta came within 6 minutes after birth (all on its own). I began to nurse our baby girl right away and all was absolutely perfect...After a couple of hours of bonding we were anxious to see what this big girl weighed.....and here are her stats:

Vicki Jo

January 11, 2012

born at 9:47am after under 5 hours of labor and 15 minutes of pushing

11lb. 12 oz.

22 3/4"

I DID IT! I birthed this sweet baby girl at home and in water just how I've always wanted, knowing it is what was best for both of us. This birth resulted in a super healthy baby and super healthy Mommy (something that has never been the outcome of my hospital birth experiences) I would never do this any other way. I also didn't have a single tear and I was not a gestational diabetic. I'm still on a 'high' and she's already 2 weeks old!

10 Pound VBAC? 5' 1'' Mama? Not Possible? Think AGAIN!

2012-01-26T23:12:00.000-08:00

Small women can't birth big babies? Now that my dears is a big fat LIE. Just read this story. How better to introduce this than with this powerful mamas own words. "I think I will start with my 10 lb 2 oz VBAC. I'm a very short woman who was declared 'lucky' to have had a cesarean with my 9 lb first baby. Eyeroll. I showed them."

Enjoy

My oldest son was born by cesarean section in 2003 for breech presentation.
My second son was adopted in 2006.

Riley Alexander

I was very pregnant with my third baby, and due on August 17th 2008. In the afternoon on August 12th I had a burst of nesting energy~I cleaned the downstairs bathroom including scrubbing the floor, and swept and tidied the rest of the downstairs. I wasn’t sure if this was nesting or not, but suspected it was because of the strength of my drive to clean, particularly compared to my preceding two months of all encompassing inertia with regards to cleaning my house. I wanted to ensure my midwife would see an adequately clean bathroom and an adequately tidy house.

Labouring in dirt sounded awful, too.

At 8:30 a.m. on August 13th, I got out of bed to help my older children set up a DVD to watch. While in their bedroom I felt a trickle of fluid run down each leg. Not a gush, but enough to get some on the carpet. I went to the washroom and on the toilet paper was a pink stained something~not mucousy, but definitely pink. So I waited an hour until 9:30 so as not to be rude or wake her up, and paged my midwife. J. was on pager that week. I wasn’t sure if my water had broken, or if I had lost my mucous plug. What I saw was a bit of both descriptions! I looked it up on the internet to be sure.

My husband Brent was sleeping off his final night shift so I didn’t tell him until he woke up at around 10:00 or 10:30. By then my mom, sister, and cousin knew. I tried to stay calm and keep my mind off of labour or babies in order to conserve energy for the task ahead. We went out to do a few errands. I had some mild, prelabour contractions but nothing regular or encompassing more than my front, lower abdomen, similar to the Braxton-Hicks contractions I had been having for months.

We bought my mother in law a Betta fish at PetSmart, dropped it off, went to London Drugs, and ate lunch at the Pita Pit. By that time the contractions were stronger and I was feeling a strong urge to be in a hands and knees position and for some privacy, so we went home. Brent took the boys out again, and I walked around, tried to lie down and relax, and listened to some music.

When Brent came back, at about 5 p.m., the contractions came more frequently and moved around my back as well as my front, down low. It became impossible for me to talk during the contractions quite early on. Then I knew it was true labour and not simply ‘false,’ or prelabour.

When true labour started, I needed to stand during contractions rather than be on my hands and knees. I got Brent to page J. again, and to call my mom and sister to come, and I called my best friend to come and pick up Matthew as preplanned. Brent packed Matthew a suitcase and got his car seat ready.

I tried to walk around because movement is good to keep labour progressing, but I was feeling confined to the bedroom and bathroom because with every contraction I started to leak more fluid so I tried to be in the bathroom when they came to protect my new carpet! I turned on my hypnobirthing CD. It was helpful for creating a positive head space for me, and for helping me relax even more than I already was. With each contraction I tried to relax my jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, abdominal, and perineum muscles. I breathed deeply and slowly to keep my uterine muscle and baby well oxygenated.

More oxygen means less pain for me and greater labour tolerance for baby. At the end of each contraction I took a deep, cleansing breath. I took it one contraction at a time and tried to move into a creative, intuitive frame of mind where I could lose track of time passing. One contraction at a time, I got closer to my baby.

J. arrived. I was in the shower. When I heard her arrive I tried to get out of the shower but got so cold that the next contraction was really painful, so I just got back in and figured she could see me naked! I’d not yet lost my sense of modesty.

J. was amazing. She talked to us, watched me labour a bit, and listened to the baby’s heartbeat with the Doppler. His heartbeat was strong, regular, and rapid. J. had an intuitive sense of what would be helpful touch: four fingernails at pressure points on my lower back, light back rubs, light pressure touch to my forehead and the back of my neck. She just knew what to do and when to do it. She administered via IV my first dose of antibiotics to treat Group B Strep. I gave her some tips on starting IVs that I have learned from my job (I'm a paramedic), since she indicated that she doesn’t get to start many IVs. I wanted minimal poking, so I gave her some tips!

In the shower I had a stool to sit on between contractions, and by the bed I had my exercise ball but it didn’t help. I really preferred to stand, though this was VERY tiring! At 10:00 p.m. my midwife asked to check internally to see if I was in early or active labour. If it was early, she would go to the home of my other midwife, J’s work partner and nap: active, she would stay with me. I was four to five centimeters, which surprised her because she said I was very relaxed and calm for someone in active labour.

Also, because my contractions were two to three minutes apart and only 45 to 50 seconds long. She commented that they were short but intense. She told me that the reason why I was progressing at the speed I was, was because I was so relaxed. It was good to know that I was doing well and progressing. It made me feel empowered and positive about succeeding with my plan to have an unmedicated, natural, vaginal delivery.

J.suggested going to the hospital before contractions became more intense and the ride became very uncomfortable for me. We left around 10:30. The drive was awful because I couldn’t stand up during contractions or move around, and the force of the car speeding up and slowing down was painful. I swore at Brent for making a joke and not letting it go when I didn’t laugh. Ayden was with us, as he wanted to be present for the birth of his baby brother.

The hospital maternity ward was full, but J. had told the staff over the phone that she could bring another midwife so we would only need a room and not a nurse, so they allowed us to come. I’m very thankful that the original plan was able to happen, with regards to the hospital I chose. We arrived and the security guard offered to find me a wheelchair but I just wanted him to leave me alone. We were able to go straight to my room. I paced. I tried to pee. I tried to drink water and sports drink, but I felt nauseous so I didn’t drink much.

My other midwife, S., arrived not long after. It was reassuring to see her, and I felt like everything could happen now that she was there. She was kind and reassuring. J. and S. did a half hour fetal monitor strip to have a baseline to monitor the baby from, as we had agreed upon in my prenatal visits. Women who have Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) are routinely put on the External Fetal Monitor for early detection of uterine rupture, but I had refused this intervention because of the statistical ambiguity regarding its usefulness, and the high rate of cesarean section associated with its continuous use.

Instead, I opted to have a baseline assessment and intermittent fetal heart rate checks with the Doppler. I also refused the routine application of a large bore IV saline lock for women who attempt VBAC, because I did not want to labour with a saline lock in my hand. I knew the risk of uterine rupture to be low (0.4%) and the time frame in an emergency to be one that allowed time for IV access to be gained. I even joked that I volunteered to start an IV on myself if no one else could do it! The half hour of lying in bed with the fetal monitor on my abdomen was the most painful and difficult period of time in my entire labour. It was extremely painful for me to lie down during contractions. S. held my hand and talked me through it.

My sister arrived. My mom arrived. When my mom came in I had a moment of childlike need: I curled into her hug and whimpered, “Oh mom! It hurts!” She said “Oh Melissa, I know…” and then I returned to the business of labouring. I got in and out of the shower, and in and out of the bed. Sitting was really getting uncomfortable, even in the shower between contractions, but I was also getting quite tired so I used the bed a lot to conserve energy between contractions. The baby was doing great, tolerated labour like a pro.

I purposefully did not ask the time, look at the clock, or ask for internal exams. My cognitive mind wanted to know, to mark progress, but I knew I couldn’t think my way through labour. I had to be intuitive and function very much in the present moment. At one point I was in the shower and S. asked me a time-related question but I truly couldn’t even guess at an answer. I told her, “I don’t know. I’ve lost all sense of the passage of time.” She replied that it was good that I was in that space. It was the perfect mind space for giving birth.

Early in my labour I had emailed my closest friends and asked them to pray for me. During the intense part of active labour and transition I kept thinking of them. And I prayed. I had wondered if I would pray to Mary while in labour because of her femininity and experience with labour, but I didn’t. I prayed only to Jesus. ‘Help me. Make me strong. Oh, this is hard. Help me.’ This, I think, reflects my relationship with Him, because I spoke to Him and felt it entirely appropriate, felt heard, empathized with, and powerfully held. Positive. Right. I felt Him giving me strength and peace. I felt my friends’ prayers, too.

Labour was the most intense, laborious, fascinating, creative, spiritual thing I’ve ever done. The final two contractions I had in Stage 1 labour were so painful and overwhelming that I actually hit my head against the wall of the shower. Suddenly, my whole belly shifted and pushed down with incredible force. This surprised me! I waited for the next contraction and this time the force was even greater, and I let out a quiet yell. Brent came in. “Tell them I need to push!” I told him. He couldn’t hear me.

“PUSH! I need to PUSH!” I was irritated to have to repeat myself. S. came in and asked me about it and then asked me to lie on the bed for a second internal exam to determine if I was fully dilated. I was. There had been a small bulge of membrane with fluid trapped between baby and cervix at my first internal exam and J. ruptured it now, with my permission. I had only those two internal exams for my entire labour, which I appreciated. My second round of IV antibiotics was given to me on the bed sometime during transition or pushing, I’m not sure which.

After determining I was fully dilated, I had a lull in my contractions. Everyone helped me lie down to rest, and this “rest and be thankful” phase lasted approximately twenty minutes, although to me it felt like only three or four minutes.

For a long time, once my body began contractions again, J. let me go with my body. Mostly I tried pushing on my hands and knees in the bed for the first hour, resting in between as best I could. I think I was running out of creative steam—you would think I would try something new! Then I asked for help, because I wasn't getting anywhere. J. and S. started suggesting ideas. I pushed for awhile on the birthing stool but my left leg fell asleep very soundly.

So we switched to the toilet. But, firstly, I was so afraid of giving birth INTO the germy hospital toilet, though I knew this to be irrational and unlikely, and secondly BOTH my legs fell asleep on the toilet. So I returned to the bed and pushed for awhile on my side. I was frustrated and tired. It felt like I was getting nowhere—I knew the goal was to get the baby to “turn the corner,” and he was NOT turning the corner! J. kept saying I was making progress but I was frustrated that it was taking so long. An hour and a half more passed with these trial and error techniques and slow progress. Finally S. suggested I roll onto my back “like a turtle on its shell,” hold my knees up “by your ears,” and push that way. I was sweating so hard I could hardly see.

The first thought I had with this suggestion was, “that’s the least effective pushing position!!” But I trusted my midwife, so over I went. It worked!! Mom, J., and S. all cheered when the baby turned the corner in the next few pushes. I pushed for awhile in that position, until the baby’s heart rate dropped just a bit, to the low 90s. They had me roll onto my side again and his heart rate returned to normal. At one point I was holding my midwife's hand, at another Brent’s, and another my mom’s. I often reached out for a hand without looking up, so, once when I reached towards Brent and he didn’t take my hand I looked up and was grimly aware that he was asleep in the rocking chair beside my bed, sitting straight up. You know, because he was working so hard. Eyeroll.

Again I rolled to my back. Many times I felt the baby’s head push up over my pelvic bones during the contraction, and then slip back when it was done. Crowning was definitely a nerve-wracking sensation, but not very painful as I was numb from three hours of pushing. I truly didn’t fear or dislike the sensation because I knew the whole experience was very close to being finished when I felt it. My midwife got a mirror for me so I could see the baby’s head—but then I needed my glasses. They rolled me back onto my side and off came the glasses. On. Off.

When the baby’s head was just reachable I was able to touch it—very cool! And later when it was almost fully out I touched it, too. Soft, warm, and pretty wet! Then I felt his arms move inside the birth canal, just below my pelvic bones. I didn’t like that at all! More trauma to the tissues! But in retrospect it was a good signal that the baby was still doing well. I did small pushes when directed. I could feel small tearing at the top as he eased out, but nothing terrible nor more painful than the sensation of extensive stretching.

Pushing felt different once his head was out~I couldn’t really feel contractions anymore and it was harder to effectively push with less baby inside me. The baby’s head and body turned with some help from J., but another push and they could tell (a) he wasn’t doing well, and (b) he was stuck. I heard S. say, “Do you want her on her hands and knees?” and I thought 'shoulder dystocia!' J. reached in with the fingers of her left hand, hooked one under his armpit, and pulled as I pushed. She pulled him down and his top shoulder popped out, then up and his bottom shoulder popped out. She put him on my chest and the first thing I thought was, “Wow! He’s huge!” He was bluish grey, covered in amniotic fluid and blood, and I didn’t care at all. I laughed with total relief and joy.

S. very quickly rubbed him with a towel and then said, “He’s very limp!” in a firm, emergent tone. “Cut the cord!” she directed. The she directed Brent to pull the emergency call cord on the wall and shouted, “Limp baby!” over the intercom. The code team was called. Meanwhile I tried to talk to the baby, touched his head, and gave him one kiss before he was taken to the baby warmer for resuscitation.

A team of people came into the room. They assessed him. S. had started positive pressure ventilation with the infant bag-valve-mask, and the team continued. Someone said “Heart rate less than one hundred, start compressions!” and S. started compressions. [note: the heart rate for starting compressions on a neonate is less than 60.

Either he didn’t need compressions or the nurse misstated in the flurry of activity surrounding his resuscitation]. Approximately 30 seconds of compressions and 90 seconds of positive pressure ventilation, and Riley pinked up, started to breath on his own, and made a small cry. He was still on the limp side, but he was pink. The team suctioned his mouth, took blood samples, dried him off, and watched him for a few minutes.

During all this activity I was torn between euphoria that he was born and that I did it, and concern for him. I know some babies need resuscitation, and that the vast majority of those babies are just fine. I’m also very calm in emergencies. As a paramedic I have a lot of experience with them! I don’t ask, “what if” so I didn’t panic. But I was worried! Especially when it took some time for him to cry. We all breathed an enormous sigh of relief when he did. He was perfectly healthy and his 5 minute APGAR was 9/10, totally recovered from what happened in those final 2 minutes before birth. J. said his cord was compressed behind his shoulder when passing my pelvic bone during those final two minutes.

He crowned at 5:05 with a strong heartbeat, his head was delivered at 5:07, and his body was delivered at 5:09. By 5:24 he was back in my arms. I delivered the placenta before the team gave him back to me but after he was vigorously crying. The placenta was very cool to see and touch. It was strong and warm. Riley’s home and lifeline for nine months!

I was grateful to have the natural delivery that I had hoped for, and euphorically happy to meet my 10 pound, 2 ounce baby boy! I put him skin to skin on my chest and settled in for a cuddle. After about half an hour he wanted to breastfeed, and he stayed on my breast for the next hour. It was the most rewarding hour I’ve ever spent, getting to know Riley after having worked so hard all night to deliver him. It was a wonderful VBAC! I feel very proud of myself for pushing a 10 pounder out of my small, 5'1" frame! This was by far one of the coolest experiences I have ever had, and one I will cherish forever.

I included two photos of the moments right after the birth, and one photo of Riley at 3 years old, taken the day before yesterday. =)

I am editor of Mothers of Change but also have a personal blog http://www.vosefamily.blogspot.com

Having Kids Doesn't Mean You Can't Have "Standards" Any More

2012-01-26T17:08:00.000-08:00

(Photo via http://www.cardiganempire.com/2009/02/petite-blooms.html)

Oh yes. You know how people think that just because women have kids they stop putting on make up and let everything go? This is totally not true. I still have standards.

For example-

~In my house, you must be wearing underwear to participate in food preparation. Nobody likes toddler butt that much.

~I have makeup still. It is on the carpet. If I want some on my face, I just smear it on from the floor. Plus, then I don't have to buy those wierd foam triangles.

~I still dress up when I go out. I even bought myself NEW yoga pants today. Yeah. Sexy.

~Perfume? Of course. Mine is natural and biodegradable. It is called, "Baby Yack." It only costs 9 months of our life but quantities are limited.

~Messy floors? I just can't abide that. So the kids play a game where they pull each other around on blankets. Doesn't get the corners, but who looks there anyway?

~I used to make my own spaghetti sauce from scratch. I can't believe my stupidity. Now I buy it in a jar (glass of course, I do care about safety and aluminum KILLS!) and add some veggies.

~Totally still comb my hair. With my fingers.

~I decided not to waste money on trips to Africa. Instead I have free...zebra stripes...all over my body. Exotic.

~I don't have time to try on clothes in stores anymore, so now, I just hold them up and IMAGINE what they would look like. I am not really missing out on anything. I don't have time to look in the mirror at home anyway.

~I still clean my car. I mean, it is our most expensive possession. But now, instead of taking it to get detailed by 20 teenagers, I just hand each kid a bag and they fill it with either dirty clothes, trash, or toys. It is embarrassing when all three large grocery bags are filled.

~Lingerie? Who needs it. I have a greyish bra with "secret flaps." That is practically the same as wearing something from Fredrick's. Plus, it saves time.

The Reluctant Co-Sleeper

2012-01-25T22:24:00.000-08:00


(Photo courtesy of http://katelyndemidow.blogspot.com/)

I am going to commit a huge natural parenting faux pas and admit something....

I kind of hate co-sleeping.

I don't actually 100% hate it. There are lots of beautiful things about sleeping with your kids. But, since I am complaining (I will get back to the good stuff later) I should mention some things that make me think I won't miss this stage.

~Being squished

~Waking up numerous times a night as each of the four children wander into our room

~Sleeping sucking my stomach in with my arm at a wonky angle so that I can fit between two kids

~Did I mention that my husband is ginormous?

~Having one half of my marriage sent to the couch because we don't all fit in our bed

See, one baby can pretty much take over an entire bed!

I know a lot of people talk about co-sleeping like it really saves sleep. This can totally be true, especially when a baby is little. I loved having my first baby sleep with us. Then when he was around six months he started kicking me in the back all night. Then when he was one and I tried to move him out of our bed I realized that signing up for sleeping with a baby might end up being signed up for sleeping with a toddler. When on earth would this end?!

Thus began my love/hate relationship with the "family bed." Sometimes I think that people who speak highly of it are just distant enough from it that they forgot about how little they used to sleep.

One thing that sucks about being me is that I always have to eat crow. For the record, it doesn't taste good.

I remember that distinctive flavor when I started to dislike co-sleeping. I had told a friend that I didn't understand why anybody would NOT co-sleep (this was probably BEFORE I actually had kids). They must have been bad parents. Oops....then I was one of them.

There has pretty much been a baby or toddler in our bed for the last seven years. Let me tell you, it started to get old. Every night my husband would take that long walk out to the couch so that he could get some sleep after a few kids had jumped on board.

And I would start to look forward to that far away day when just my husband and I could sleep in our bed.

And no, it would NEVER smell like urine.

But today, I got to eat crow again.

I went with my hubby to visit a friend who is in a "home." You know those places. Elderly people who are "rehabilitating." A maze of huge hallways, strange noises, and often very lonely grandmothers and grandfathers.

We went late, since that was the only time we could get away together, and most everybody was already tucked in for bed.

I couldn't help but notice that in the room next to our friend was a tiny grandma....but she was co-sleeping!

"What?!" I thought. "Why does this grandma have a baby? And why is it in bed with her?"

A closer look showed that the "baby" was just a doll. Little grandma was tucked in at night with her own life-size baby doll atop her.

Snuggled up, co-sleeping, even though....she didn't have a REAL baby any more.

I showed my husband.

"We need to go home and hug our babies," he says to me.

Oh, the things that get tiresome for parents of young children.

Always being needed. Always getting hugs. Always feeling loved. Always being crawled upon. Always having three people who need to tell you something IMPORTANT- right NOW!

Oh yes, and always having somebody who would rather be in your arms, than anyplace else.

Maybe someday I will be like that little old lady. Maybe I will have my own doll to sleep with me when all my babies are gone and I am forgotten somewhere dreary and lonely.

I hope I at least can take with me warm memories of soft arms and dimpled mouths, and babies that felt best when they were snuggled up next to me.

Birth Center Water Birth (Graphic Crowning Picture)

2012-01-24T16:26:00.000-08:00

Of course I love a joyous natural birth, especially after an epidural birth. But what is really cool about this story is that even though this mama and her family are done having babies- she is pregnant again! This time as a surrogate for a loved one. What a wonderful friend! She is planning another natural birth. Read the whole thing- there is a FABULOUS graphic picture in there.

Enjoy!

You can check out her blog here.

This post is rated "M" for Mature. Be prepared for graphic yet beautiful details and pictures. If you are male and are related to me you'll probably be very weirded out but if you'd like to continue reading, go for it! (All pictures will be at the end of the post so if you prefer not to see graphic photos, just don't scroll to the very end.)

With that disclaimer....

Six weeks ago today my son Zoodle was born. I want to be able to go back in future years and read a long, detailed story of the labor and delivery, and I love to also share that story with others. Here it is.... Settle in with a cup of coffee as it'll take awhile to read.

On Friday, March 28 (1 week before my due date), I awoke very early in the morning with uncomfortable contractions. I had many contractions through this pregnancy but I knew they were getting harder, even a little painful. Excited, I got up and started timing them. Within an hour or two they went away, but before I went back to bed I went to the bathroom and saw a bit of bloody discharge so I knew labor might be close. Later in the day I spoke with Christina, my awesome doula (labor assistant), and she felt that with all the symptoms I was having, labor would be coming soon.

I did not have a lot of contractions Friday. I decided to go ahead and go across town for a ladies' game night. I wasn't driving and figured if I went into labor there, my friend who had driven me could likely get me to the birthing center in time. I had a couple of uncomfortable contractions during the event, sporadically. After the longest game of Yahtzee! in history, we left and returned home some time after 11. The Engineer and I got to bed about midnight.

At around 2:30 a.m., I awoke to a very uncomfortable contraction. (Let me insert something here. Because I needed to be in a positive mindset for natural childbirth, I got in the habit of using the terms "uncomfortable" and "intense" instead of painful. But I'll say it here. Yeah. It HURT.) I knew I couldn't sleep through contractions of that intensity, and I was very excited at the possibility of this being "it", so I got up. I started timing the contractions and soon told The Engineer I might need him to help me through them. He didn't say much. Before long I fully woke him up to let him know I wanted his support through the contractions.

The Engineer was, unfortunately, exhausted. He got up but was in a terrible mood and so tired he didn't feel like he could physically make it through the day if he stayed up. I sent him back to bed. Angry and disappointed, I called Christina. Thank goodness for a great doula. She calmly helped me understand that not only did The Engineer genuinely need rest, I did too. She encouraged me to understand where he was coming from, and to also try to rest myself. Feeling more at peace again, I lay on the couch for a bit then moved into our bed.

Interestingly, after The Engineer went back to bed, my contractions slowed considerably for about half an hour. I think it was my body's response to the stress of being angry. Having been induced with Pitocin with my first child, it was fascinating to see my body's response to natural labor.

After a couple of contractions in bed, I knew that laying down was not comfortable for me. I got up and moved to the tub where I knew I could probably relax better. Laboring in the tub, early in labor, sometimes slows things down or even temporarily stalls labor altogether. At this point, though, I knew I needed as much rest as possible and, knowing my labor with Chickie had been under five hours, I was okay with this labor slowing down.

The water really helped and I was able to rest. My contractions were not too close, maybe an average of every 10 minutes or so. But they were very irregular through the entire labor. I might have a contraction, another one four minutes later, and another fifteen minutes later. I never got into a regular pattern.

The Engineer is the worship leader at our church--he plays guitar and sings. I sing too and I know how singing worship songs can soothe my spirit and relax my body. We had talked about worshiping during labor; I'd even chosen quite a few calming worship songs. Even though The Engineer was still resting, I decided to go ahead and try singing through my contractions. It really did help calm me. The song I mostly sang is one called "You Are My King" by Brian Doerksen.

You are my King
And I love You
You are my King
And I worship You
Kneeling before You now
All my life I gladly give to You
Placing my hopes and dreams in Your hands
I give my heart to You

And I love You, I love You
Jesus, yes, I love You, I love You
Jesus, my King

Let me tell you, my voice is not at its best when I'm in the middle of an "intense" contraction, but I am so glad this was one way I dealt with the discomfort. I felt so connected to God as I sang to him, and when singing required too much concentration as the contractions got harder, I started just praying, crying out to God. Nothing fancy or eloquent, just things like, "God, help me! Thank you, Jesus, thank you. I know you created my body to do this." The intimacy with God through this labor and delivery was precious and amazing. Experiencing something so intense yet so miraculous made me appreciate God as my Creator in an incredible, unique way.

At around 5 I woke up The Engineer. He was ready to get up and support me, and I'm glad he got some sleep so he was able to truly "be there" through the rest of the labor and delivery. The Engineer was already somewhat awake, having been hearing me praying (sometimes loudly!) through the contractions. He was under the impression that labor wasn't too hard yet since I could still "talk through" the contractions. I had to explain to him that the type of praying I was doing was not the same as holding a conversation! It was more akin to "vocalizing" or "moaning"; it just happened to include words. That helped him understand that I was indeed already in an intense phase of labor.

I also called Christina and let her know I'd like her to come. She said she could be there in an hour to an hour and a half. I stayed in the tub. Contractions were sure becoming difficult. The Engineer was getting ready, showering, getting together last-minute things for the birthing center, and passing Chickie along to a great friend who came to pick her up. I was so relieved when Christina got there about 6:20 because with all the practical things that needed to be done, The Engineer was busy. Christina was able to really support me through the contractions.

Right before Christina arrived, I'd had to poop, and I am apparently not one of those women who likes laboring on the toilet! It felt awful having a HUGE contraction on the toilet, and when she came in I was in the middle of one of my few panicked moments, crying, "This baby's coming!" I didn't feel he was coming immediately but could tell labor was really intensifying. I considered getting back in the tub but decided to try walking around. I found that leaning on the kitchen countertop with Christina using her hand to put lots of pressure on my lower back really helped make the contractions bearable. She was wonderful--knew just how to touch me and talk to me.

We started talking about going to the birthing center. A midwife had told me to come when contractions were 3-5 minutes apart for an hour, but I was still in the middle of all these strange, irregular contractions. They had gotten closer especially once I'd left the tub and were probably averaging 5 minutes apart or less, but there was certainly still no pattern. However, I was feeling that things were intense enough that I would be more comfortable traveling at that point rather than later, so we decided to get going. I wanted to "settle in" at the birthing center.

As we prepared to leave, The Engineer was trying to get everything together. We came outside, and he ran back in to get the video camera. I had a hard contraction leaning against the car and had another opportunity to be so glad Christina was there to help me through each contraction. The Engineer and I got in the car, and he realized I didn't have my body pillow. He wanted to go in and get it and I insisted that we LEAVE instead! Things were really getting intense, but I still didn't think birth was that close because of the irregularity of the contractions.

We left at 6:50 and arrived at the birthing center at 7:10. The trip there was not too bad. I had four or five contractions on the way there. It actually seemed things were a little less intense than they had been, probably due to my body's adrenaline and its unwillingness to have a baby in the car!

When we arrived at the birthing center, I got out of the car and immediately had a long, hard contraction. (I think it had a double peak.) It seemed I was leaning on the hood of the car forever! I remember something odd and beautiful from this moment. I heard birds singing, and I thought about how I would soon be hearing my baby crying. What a wonderful thought to have during a contraction.

As I was having this crazy contraction (which Christina later told me must have been the start of my short transition phase), Roswitha, the midwife on duty, came out of the birthing center. She said with a smile, "Oh, this is the real thing, isn't it?" When the contraction was over, Roswitha and Christina helped me into the birthing center while The Engineer got all our "gear" and came in. Roswitha said we could bypass the examination room and go straight to the birthing room. It was a relief to hear that my labor was obviously "real" enough that I wouldn't be leaving! I was the only person there on this lovely Saturday morning, so I was able to choose which room I wanted. I chose the Santa Fe room. (Pictures below!)

Once we got in the room, I quickly had a couple more highly intense contractions. I asked Roswitha, "Do you have to check me?" Of course she did! She got set up quickly, and I lay on the bed. Roswitha put her hand inside me and got a funny, surprised look on her face. I dreaded hearing that her surprise was due to me only being a few centimeters dilated. Instead, she said, "You're complete! Your cervix is gone! The only thing holding that baby in is the bag of waters."

That was the best moment of the labor itself (not including delivery!) I was so incredibly relieved that my difficult, intense journey was almost over. WOW! On the next contraction I said, "I need to push! I have to!" I had read so many birth stories where women were told not to push, that I felt the need to defend my desire to push! Of course there was nothing to stop me, and I was encouraged to follow my instincts. I began to push on my hands and knees on the bed.

Roswitha was filling up the tub, and I wasn't sure I wanted to get in, but decided to try. Once the temperature was comfortable, I got in. Immediately I knew I wanted to stay; my heavy body felt so much better in the tub. I was still feeling good in between the intense contractions, smiling and excited.

Pushing itself, however, was really hard for me. Many women say pushing is a relief and isn't painful but for me it was very painful, very uncomfortable. It was also amazing, the most powerful force my body has ever felt. While I gave lots of effort to the pushes, my body was pushing on its own with an incredible energy. I was roaring with the intensity of the pushes. I asked if the loud noises were hurting my progression in any way, and Christina and Roswitha suggested that while they didn't mind me making noise, I might be wasting energy that could be helping my pushing. I began to try to be quieter during the pushes, though loud, grunting roars still felt necessary at the end of most pushes! Thankfully my awesome husband was able to cool me off with a washcloth during and between pushes. He was so sweet. I even had him squirt water on my head from my water bottle at one point. (I think his response when I asked for that was, "You want me to what?")

In the tub I began pushing on my hands and knees, and Roswitha and Christina then suggested I try pushing sitting down. I sat, leaning back in the corner of the tub and pushed that way, and it felt like a good position. I remember repeatedly putting my hand down there to see if I could feel a head. Finally after perhaps 15 minutes of pushing during contractions, Zoodle was crowning! Here is where I am so, so thankful to have been attended by a midwife who is skilled at helping to keep women from tearing. She told me to stop pushing. Let me tell you, that was difficult! My body and mind wanted to push, and by that point I just wanted the baby out. But I was able to follow instructions, and when she guided me to push his head out, it came out gently enough that I did not tear at all. Hip hip hooray! Let me tell you, I have sure been glad for that blessing these last six weeks!

It was odd, sitting there with the head out. The contraction was over once the head was out, so I needed to wait for another contraction to push the body out. And there was my baby's head, sticking out of my body, underwater! Very strange! I asked, "Is he okay?" I was assured he was. He wasn't breathing yet, and he was probably more at peace in that warm water than he would have been with his head just sticking out in a cold room! (Interestingly, the head came out sideways! Zoodle never got around to "anterior" position and always stayed in the left-facing position he'd been in for months.)

On the next contraction, I pushed out his shoulders and his body. What an awesome sensation. I still remember the feel of those shoulders emerging from me, followed quickly by his little body. I am so glad to have experienced that, since I didn't have a lot of sensation with my first birth, due to the epidural. Zoodle was born at 7:45 a.m., 35 minutes after we'd arrived at the birthing center, and he immediately cried when I pulled him out of the water.

I could tell you my first feeling upon Zoodle's birth was joy, but it wasn't. It was relief! After the difficult contractions and the incredible intensity of pushing, I was so relieved that it was over. That was immediately followed, however, by delirious joy. Seeing the pictures, I must have been bawling, though I don't remember that. I just remember saying things like, "Thank you, God! Thank you for creating my body to do this! Thank you for this beautiful baby!"

They quickly wrapped him in a towel and put a cap on his head, and I think they let the water out soon thereafter. I held him joyfully. The umbilical cord stopped pulsating, and they clamped it so The Engineer could cut it. My memories are a little hazy at this point. I know that at some point they dried off Zoodle better and handed him to his daddy, who held him with joy and pride. I delivered the placenta without a problem, and they helped me out of the tub and onto the bed for a very successful first nursing session.

In between the delivery of the head and the rest of the body, the postpartum assistant, Tori, arrived. (Postpartum assistants usually also act as labor assistants, but she couldn't get there quickly enough!) Christina and Roswitha both lovingly helped support me after the birth, and Roswitha filled out paperwork, weighed Zoodle, and did other tasks unobtrusively. After a couple of hours, both Christina and Roswitha left, and Tori stayed with us.

Tori was amazing. She encouraged The Engineer and me to cuddle in bed with Zoodle to get sleep and to bond as a family. While she of course took care of necessary tasks such as taking vital signs and helping me take a shower, I sensed that her top priority was helping us settle in and bond. What an amazing post-partum experience!

With Chickie after the initial thrill of the birth, I quickly felt disconnected from her. I think the medicated birth combined with the "clinical" hospital atmosphere both contributed to that. I gradually bonded with her over the first few weeks and thankfully that disconnected feeling did not last. But with Zoodle, the birth itself and the post-partum care were so intimate and beautiful that I felt bonded with him from the first moment. I can't tell you how special that was.

After about 7 lovely, peaceful post-partum hours, we headed home.

I remember saying after the birth, "Well, I'm so glad I did it naturally, but I'm glad I don't ever have to do it again, since this is our last baby!" It was so intense and, yes, painful. But now that I've had six weeks to mull it over, I am of course experiencing a little amnesia when it comes to the pain, and I find myself a little sad that I don't ever plan to experience birth again. Our family feels wonderful with four people, so it's not that I am finding myself wanting more kids. It's just that the amazing intimacy I felt with God and with my baby at birth won't ever be replicated by any other life experience. I am so blessed and thankful to have had such a beautiful birth.

Now for pictures!

The beautiful Santa Fe room at the beautiful birthing center:

Happy in the tub (BETWEEN contractions!)

My awesome husband wiping my forehead with a cool washcloth:

The Engineer continuing to support me, after I'd changed positions:

Giving birth to the head--you can see the face pointing to the right (my left):

Joyfully crying over my perfect little boy:

Getting to know Daddy:

Our first nursing session. Isn't that the face of a happy mommy?

Me, The Engineer, and Zoodle before leaving the birthing center:

A Natural Midwife Attended Hospital Birth!

2012-01-23T23:23:00.000-08:00

I thought this was kind of a fun story because this mom and I took our natural birth classes from the same woman, Donna, over at Banned From Baby Showers! It is truly a small world. In addition to that, I had the same trouble at the end as she did and got the same intervention (that part WASN'T fun.) But you will have to read to find out.

Enjoy!

My husband and I moved to a new city when we were 7 weeks pregnant and decided to make an appointment with a local ob group very close to our house. They were very efficient - in and out in 15 minutes. For a pap smear, that's awesome. For first time parents, it was incredibly frustrating. After an especially disappointing appointment where I was told not to participate in a 3 day 60 mile walk for Susan G. Komen (which I did participate in and walked 54 miles in 3 days!) we decided to switch to a Nurse Mid-Wife practice about 30 minutes from our home.

This practice is hospital based, which was great for my husband's security, but supported natural birth. We immediately started in a Centering Group - meeting with a midwife and other parents due the same month we were for 2 hours every 2 weeks. It was an incredible experience that really prepared us for the arrival of our child. We also prepared by taking DVD Bradley Method classes, reading lots of books, and practicing our relaxation techniques.

Our little one (we decided to be surprised by the sex!) was due on January 4th. We knew that baby would more than likely be late, but when that day came and went, my husband and I got very depressed. We were so ready to meet our baby and spent the days following our due date moping around. After a few days we had an attitude adjustment and got excited again - each day that passed meant a day closer to meeting our child! I'd been having contractions, sometimes regular and consistent, for weeks. We were prepared for baby from the day after Christmas. Waiting was very difficult!

We had our 41 week appointment on Tuesday, January 10th at 1:30pm. We were officially 40w6d. While we are encouraged to meet all of the midwives in our practice, our appointment was randomly scheduled with the midwife who teaches our centering class - we see her for 2 hours every other week. It turned out to be such a blessing! She couldn't believe we were still pregnant and said if I was ready, she'd sweep my membranes. Done and done!

This was my very first internal exam. I know it's standard practice with OBs, but our midwives will only check if we say that's what we want. I've not wanted until today. On this day I wanted to know if this baby even knows it's time! Was I dilated at all? Is baby ready? Yes and no. I was about 4 centimeters dilated and about 70% effaced. Our midwife was somewhat concerned with how high the baby still is, considering I'm already 4 centimeters.

This could mean nothing and baby will drop into place and I could labor no problem...or it could mean that baby won't drop and we have other issues. She swept my membranes (not pleasant, but not awful), scheduled an ultrasound for the morning, and said she'd like to break our water. We're not opposed to that if baby needs to come quickly. The ultrasound will determine how baby is doing, if the placenta is still healthy, and what the fluid levels are - we would make a decision after that.

After the appointment I was definitely uncomfortable. Nothing unmanageable, just lots of pressure and cramping. We'd really rather not have another ultrasound and definitely don't want to have my water broken, but if that's what we need to do for the baby, that's what we'll do. I went home that afternoon to rest. My husband and I got dinner on Tuesday night and watched some TV. We went to bed around 11pm praying baby would arrive before our scheduled ultrasound.

After about 2 hours of sleeping, I woke up to go to the bathroom. It was about 1am. I had cramps, but nothing awful. I got back in bed and assured my husband that I was fine. I snuggled down with my body pillow and went back to sleep...

Except that I didn't. The cramps were really bad and I couldn't get comfortable. They'd get really bad and then I'd have some relief. They'd get bad again, and I'd have some relief. I got up to get in the bath in hopes that would help. I told my husband what was going on and started running the bath.

Immediately I knew something was different. I was in intense pain and was shaking. I waited until the bath was full before going in and waking up my husband. My entire body was shaking. I assured him I was okay, but that it was time to get up and maybe get moving. I got in the bath and he timed contractions. They were about one minute long and 3-4 minutes apart. The bath wasn't making the pain much better. My husband packed up a few last minute things and doted on me. He desperately wanted to make things better and I had no idea what to tell him.

After a little while I decided to get out of the tub and go into the family room to watch some TV. My husband wanted to time contractions for a little while before calling my sister, who I wanted there for labor and the birth, or the midwives. He continued timing and I tried to relax. Contractions were getting very intense and I wasn't able to hold still through them. I also wasn't able to move - walking to the bathroom was getting incredibly painful because the cramps would be consistent as I was moving. At no point did I really think I was in labor - my mind was completely numb and consumed with the pain.

Around 2:45am I called my sister to let her know it was time. She should start the drive from Oklahoma City if she wanted to be there for the labor and the birth. At the same time my husband called the midwives to let them know my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and about a minute long.

By 3:45am it was time to go to the hospital. I wasn't handling the pain well at all and knew it was time to get to the hospital. But first, because it was officially Wednesday, it was time to take my 41 week picture!

I think it's pretty obvious how miserable I am. While I'm smiling, you can tell that I'm in absolute awful pain. We took this picture, packed the camera, and headed to the hospital. The drive was about 30 minutes and my husband set the cruise control as to not speed too much - definitely didn't want to get pulled over on the way there! I leaned the seat back slightly and had the window rolled down, even though it was very cold. I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I was desperately nauseated. The cold air on my face was all I could do to keep it together.

We arrived at the hospital, parked, and walked in what we thought was the right door...wrong. Thankfully, there was a security cop in his car right outside where we were. We hopped in and he called for a wheel chair. I always thought I'd walk myself into the hospital, but my walking days were long over. I got out of the car and into the wheel chair as quickly as I could, but it still took me some time to breathe through contractions.

The security guard with the wheel chair was incredible and very patient with me. She wheeled me right to labor and delivery while my husband followed with our bags. We got there and the person checking us in didn't really understand what was going on with us - were we here to be checked? Seriously - I had 2 contractions in the 5 minutes while I was sitting there, was unable to answer questions, and couldn't sign my own name. I might be in labor...

We got to a room very quickly, probably by 4:45am and the nurse took my vitals and got me set with a heart monitor on the baby. The nurse was absolutely incredible - she confirmed that I didn't want an IV and never mentioned anything about pain medication or anything else. She made the heart monitor as pleasant as can be and understood that laying flat in bed wasn't what I wanted to do. She promised it would be quick and I could move as soon as it was over. I was starting to get really worried because the pain was so intense and incredibly overwhelming. I didn't think I could do it. My husband was an incredible champ and took great care of me. I now know how scared he was but at the time he seemed so calm and in control.

Our midwife arrived and checked me at some point - 7 centimeters. I don't remember that even registering in my mind. It was all happening much faster than I ever anticipated. Before long, I was ready to get in the tub. As I stood up, my mucus plug was on the bed. How I didn't lose it before now, I had no idea. Just as soon as I got to the bathroom, I threw up. I was terrified of vomiting during labor but at the time, I was so nauseated it felt great to take control of something. I got in the tub and hoped that things would slow down a little so that I could relax and breathe.

That didn't happen. Labor continued to speed up. Contractions were coming right after another and were very intense. I was getting cramps in my legs and while I was trying very hard to relax, it was so hard. The pain was excruciating. Our awesome nurse, my husband and our midwife were incredibly supportive - they told me I was doing it, they were proud of me, and to take it one contraction at a time. I screamed that I couldn't do it, knowing that I had absolutely no choice. Somewhere deep in my mind I knew it was too late for any pain relief. Before long I started to push through the contractions. I didn't mean to, my body just took over.

Our midwife told me it was fine but that she was going to check me again. I didn't want her to because I knew it was going to hurt. I was in a strange place - I just wanted a break, to take a little nap. I could continue doing it if I could just have 5 minutes of peace. During one contraction she checked me - 10 centimeters and baby's head was +2. I got confused and thought +2 was -2 - Baby is still too high! No, they assured me - baby was ready to go!

I didn't feel like seriously pushing in the tub. I don't know why - I just didn't feel ready. I think that confused everyone in the room. I wanted to breathe through the contractions and not push yet. Eventually I wanted to move back to the bed. It was about 6am or so when I walked from the tub to the bed - our midwife commented that she was amazed that I could walk around at 10 centimeters. Once I got to the bed, I was breathing through contractions and got serious about pushing - and my water broke! It was like a water balloon bursting under me. That really gave me the urge to push! I got serious.

Unfortunately, my sister missed all of this. We'd planned for her to be in the room for the birth and I prayed she would make it in time. I was vaguely aware of my husband talking to her on the phone - her GPS took her to some random neighborhood. We had planned to listen to the labor mix of music I'd prepared, we'd practice relaxation techniques, unfortunately there just wasn't time. My husband also made sure his family was in the waiting room - I have no idea when they arrived.

Once my water broke the urge to push was incredible. I tried a few different positions and everyone was incredibly encouraging. The space between contractions got very uncomfortable and I just wanted to continue pushing. Everyone said they could see baby's hair - baby was right there! At 7am my sister arrived just in time to see our baby's little head getting ready. I continued pushing. Our midwife coached me to relax the rest of my body and concentrate all my energy pushing. She was massaging with mineral oil, which while necessary, was very uncomfortable. The head wasn't coming moving down.

Our midwife looked right at me between contractions and told me that I had two more contractions to push as hard as I could. If baby wasn't here, she'd need to make a very small cut because his head was stuck. I knew that cutting was not something our midwives did unless it was necessary. I understood how serious this was. Through the next two contractions I pushed with all my might. The nurses, midwife,my sister, and husband were so inspirational. They told me I was doing it - but I knew I couldn't do it without each of them. After two contractions his head was still stuck. Not budging. She needed to cut.

I asked if she would numb me - she laughed and said of course! At this point I was able to relax slightly through the contractions because they were coming slightly farther apart. She prepared me and once she was ready I pushed with everything I had...And the room gasped! I was so worried for about a split second. Water splashed everywhere and suddenly they were holding this wiggly little baby! He was screaming and it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. My husband announced that we had ourselves a little boy, something he'd waited nearly 10 months to announce! Our little man was born at 7:27am - just 6 hours after I woke up with cramps.

They placed the baby on my chest. The nurse listened to his heart and cleaned him up while he was on my chest. I don't know how long it was, but it was glorious.My husband and sister were right there also. At some point my husband ran out to the waiting room. One thing he couldn't wait to do was announce to his family whether baby was a boy or a girl.

Eventually it was time to cut the cord - we delayed until the placenta stopped pulsing. My husband was a champ and loved being part of that. They took the baby to clean him, weigh him, and take more vitals.My sister and husband went with him to the other side of our room while our midwife stitched me up. She and I chatted and she apologized again for the cut. I knew that it was what needed to happen and felt like she definitely did the right thing.

Unfortunately, I also tore and while nothing was terribly deep, I was in rough shape. She delivered the placenta and got to work. I think she sewed for about 30 minutes or so. It wasn't pleasant, but I adore our midwife, so it wasn't awful either. It was nice to know that my sister and husband were with the baby - I was calm about how he was doing because I could see them the whole time.

Once I was cleaned up, we got visitors! My husband's family was all out in the waiting room more than ready to meet our little one. They came in and passed him around - each exclaiming how gorgeous he was. He has dark beautiful hair and big blue eyes. His head was only slightly misshapen and his face was a little puffy. He was the most gorgeous newborn I'd ever seen. He didn't have a name until several hours later - once my husband and I were alone with him.

Wesley Daniel was 7 pounds 10 ounces and 19 3/4" long at birth. He'll be 2 weeks old on Wednesday. My husband and I are so in love with him. We had a great birth experience and while I'm no where near ready to do this again (I think the bruising and stitches need to heal first!) if I do, I will definitely be birthing with our midwives!

Thank you for the opportunity to share this. My hope is to inspire other moms and moms-to-be who are looking for a natural hospital experience. I blog about my experience at www.cookinwiththejohnstons.com.

Obstetric Lie # 84- CPD (or, Your Baby Doesn't Fit)

2012-01-23T00:57:00.000-08:00

CPD- Cephalopelvic disproportion.

In layman's terms, the babies head is too big to fit through the pelvis, or your pelvis is to small to allow a head through it.

As with many of these subjects, this one is close to my heart.

I was blessed with a long labor with my first child. I labored for three nights and two days. One of those nights was spent mostly pushing. To be exact, I pushed for a total of four hours.

It was quite possibly the hardest work I have ever done in my life. I was blessed to be rewarded, at the end of it, with a triumphant natural birth.

How easily could I have been cut in my abdomen after two hours of pushing? Quite easily. Many a woman is sent to surgery after a very short time of pushing- the diagnosis often given, CPD (or of course, failure to progress, another favorite).

"Mama, you just were not big enough to have that baby come out of your vagina."

I once heard a woman say that she thought sometimes we secretly liked this reason for the c-section. Why? It is nobody's fault....well, except maybe God's. You didn't do anything wrong, the doctor didn't do anything wrong, you just had a too cute and too tiny a pelvis for baby pushing.

I admit, the thought of somebody telling me THAT part of my body is small is appealing (though ridiculous) so I can see the reason why care providers like to give the CPD excuse for surgery, even when in actuality and by all accounts it is really quite rare.

(I can't find good numbers on this. I see quoted all over that ACNM considers CPD to happen in about 1 of every 250 births, but despite this common claim, I can't find proof of it. I have also heard quoted the number 1 in 2000 births. So, I just won't make a numerical claim on this that I simply can't back up.)

Without any further ado, lets get real about CPD and why it happens and what we can do about it.

Why would CPD really occur? What makes a baby and a mama incompatible for vaginal birth?

Well, there are some REAL reasons for this.

Malformed pelvis- this does sometimes happen. Sometimes disease, and even injury, or maybe just our different bodies can cause a pelvis to be shaped in such a way that babies do have a hard time (or find it impossible) to pass through. (Yes, all obstetric lies are sometimes TRUE!)

Poor positioning- Sometimes a baby could pass through the pelvis if positioned normally, but because it is not, it can't seem to fit. Now often while laboring I believe that babies move and CAN find a way. They move, you move, and eventually, like a key in a lock, they make their descent. Chiropractic care, lifestyle, and even positioning tricks can help with this also.

Huge baby- There are probably also times where a baby for some reason grows abnormally large and cannot fit. Gestational diabetes is said to cause this, as are a million other things. Some claim dairy makes babies too big. Others say sugar. I think it is probably safe to say that we should eat well and avoid junk food (anything in a package and anything that is "white" while pregnant if we want to grow the healthiest baby possible.)

I also think it is pretty safe to say that most women don't normally grow a baby that is too big for them to birth. And let us NEVER forget that there is virtually NO WAY to know if you can or can't birth your baby without a generous time laboring with each baby. Ultrasound, pelvemetry, and x-ray are not "proof" that your baby is too big or your pelvis is too small. Nor is a past diagnosis of CPD.

Now lets talk about avoiding a FALSE claim of CPD and subsequent c-section.

~ Epidurals- Pretend You Hate Them~

Yeah, I know, people love 'em. In fact, on occasion when I say dumb a#$ stuff about how I hate epidurals, people go totally nutso on me. Apparently there is some special connection women share with a drug in their spine. (For the record, making fun of epidurals in my mind is VERY different than making fun of people who GET epidurals).

But let's be real ladies. An epidural pretty much stops you from walking. In fact the entire POINT of this nifty invention is that you can't feel anything from where it is placed on down.

I have heard that I can't "prove" that an epidural can lead to a c-section. (Says the NIH and ACOG).

I am just going to have to disagree with my boys over at ACOG and the National Institute of Health. Yes, I am a strong enough woman to disagree with two huge and respected organizations. I only do it because they are wrong.

How on earth is an immobile woman who can't feel her own vagina supposed to birth a baby out of it? How is a bipedal mammal supposed to birth normally while on her back? How does the law of gravity become magically suspended when a women decides to give birth lying down? Is there some time/space continuum where the laws of nature are suspended during what should be a natural process?!

If this is the case then this SHOULD BE ON THE NEWS! Somebody call the CNN and patch me through to Ted Turner himself.

So, relating to epidurals. If you don't want your baby to be too big to fit through your pelvis, you can take my totally unprofessional and unprovable advice and stay away from epidurals.

(My secret thoughts on these studies is that they were comparing supine women without epidurals to supine women with epidurals. No surprise that both had equally good chances of having surgical births. Just my two cents though.)

Does one really have to have a medical degree to see that numbness, supine positions, and immobility are going to clearly work against a woman when she is laboring and birthing? This seems self evident to me.

~Your Back- Stay Off Of It

So, relating to epidurals, my next piece of advice would be to stay upright and mobile for as much of your labor as you can. This is WHY I would say to avoid the epidural. You can't be upright when you are numb from the waist down.

I think we tend to think of birth in very mechanical terms. This makes sense if you are a guy and you like cars. Sadly, it doesn't make a lot of sense if you are a woman birthing a baby.

Here is the thing, you CAN measure dilation, station, hours of labor, and length of contractions. You cannot however measure what exactly goes into getting a baby out of a woman.

I am of the belief that both mom and baby are involved in the process. This isn't just about dilation, it is about two people working together towards the same goal. That goal, is vaginal birth.

When we are on our backs, we make it harder for the baby to move down. Because of course, it isn't moving down when we are supine, it is moving... kind of up hill.

The uterus is meant to help expel the baby, but it is NOT meant to do this on its own. We are beautifully and magnificently designed as whole and entire women. Our bodies along with the laws of nature and gravity work together with the baby (he is moving too) to crescendo at the birth of said baby.

When we take away all these other factors (gravity, movement, walking, and feeling) we make it much harder for this process to occur. The truth is, I am amazed that anybody births vaginally when lying on their back with numb legs and a needle in their spine. Kudos to them because I can GUARANTEE that I simply could not have done that. The fact that women deliver their babies like this is, if anything, is a testament to the resilient nature and power of the female form. Our bodies can actually overcome the laws of gravity and potent medications to get babies out.

I will be honest with you- I think the first baby is kind of a tight fit. Mine sure was. That doesn't mean it can't be done! It just means you need to be surrounded by people who understand and respect your ability to birth.

So, my second piece of advice, stay off your back. Rise UP!

Some other helpful tips-

~Push intuitively and use gravity.

~Check your hospitals policies on birthing positions. You would be surprised how restrictive many of them are.

~Remember that continuous monitoring will also keep you strapped to a bed even if you avoid an epidural. Think seriously about how you feel about being constantly monitored. You may want to consider intermittent monitoring.

~Affirmations- Remind yourself of your ability to birth and the beauty and wonder of your birthing body.

~Remember that just because somebody pushes for a few hours, that is mostly REST time. Pushing contractions (when natural) often have about ten minutes of rest between them. Nature is kind when left alone.

I have to admit, these posts used to make me really kind of angry. How have we become so lost? How can anybody so seriously doubt the ability of human women to safely deliver their own babies?

Now, they just kind of make me feel... sad.

We are capable of birthing your babies. I am a real mother. I really pushed my baby out. He weighed 8 pounds and 6 ounces. It took me four hours. But I did it. My last baby weighed 9 pounds and 9 ounces and she was posterior. I pushed her out in one contraction. I am not a big woman, but I did it. I have talked to far too many women who were told that they couldn't do it. I fear that many of them were lied to.

Chances are, you to can do this. Prepare yourself. Prepare your birth place. Respect the pelvis. Work with your baby and your body, and miracles (like birth) happen.

What It Means To Be A Mother

2012-01-21T00:45:00.000-08:00

I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with my oldest. I was filled with such a sense of wonderment.

Awe.

People talk about pregnant brain and pregnant women forgetting things and being silly and thoughtless. Some attribute it to a deficiency in fish oils or a dietary mishap.

But I don't think that is always what it is. I couldn't concentrate because nothing else mattered to me. I was going to be a mother.

It was distracting. Here I was, all my life, having lived in my own body, all by myself. Then suddenly, I am sharing it with another. I could sense him there, before he ever moved. It is a feeling I couldn't explain really. But, a miracle it was. Two people, two spirits, together as one, even if just for a while.

Somebody asked me what it was like, being pregnant.

All I could describe was this notion that I was now part of some huge global sisterhood. This may sound somewhat emotional or foolish, but it amazed me.

I felt like I was part of something so much bigger than me. It was both so very everyday, and still managed to be incredible. I felt a bond with women around me that I had never really noticed before.

We were all mothers. We all loved our children.

Amazing. I had never felt such a kinship with strangers ever before.

People complain about the public property you seem to become when you openly carry a child around in front of you. But really, it was something incredible all by itself. Suddenly women I had never met were telling me about their children, their grandchildren, their births, their loves and disappointments.

They must have felt it to, this excitement over the growing of a child.

Do you know, I think I forgot about this. I think I forgot some of the wonderment of motherhood as the days wore on and I had not one, but two and three and now four children.

It became so everyday that it was just....normal.

Then of course, I spend far to much time in front of my computer. Suddenly motherhood was less about sisterhood and joy and more about who does what and what we think of that. Maybe with a little taking offense and giving offense thrown in for good measure.

But you know what, I got a chance. A chance to remember.

I got it tonight as I started another series of natural birth classes. What a beautiful gift to see couples who are excited and preparing to give birth, meet together and prepare joyfully for one of life's greatest events.

Tonight as I saw these five different couples talk and share their hopes and their fears and their excitement, I remembered again. I remembered that same feeling.

Oh my gosh, I hope I never forget it.

I hope I always remember what a joy it is to be a mother.

I hope I always remember the excitement and the awe and the yearning to learn all about it and explore the world again through your child.

I hope I never forget the closeness it brings to a couple to bring something forth that is a little bit of each of them, and yet it's own thing altogether.

If I have offended you or been harsh or unkind, I want to apologize.

I remember now, and I will always try to remember, that we are all mothers.

And mothers love their children.

A Miscarriage Letter

2012-01-19T16:24:00.000-08:00

(This was submitted by a reader who is also a doula. She thought that maybe it could help somebody else and hopefully ease their pain. I hope it does too-)

(Photo from http://fertilesource.com/2011/10/the-empty-cradle/ by Kathy Leonard)

I wish we could have met

Dearest Sweet Baby,

I was hoping I would write this letter months from now after we worked together to deliver you safely into my arms. Sadly, it must come now. I want you baby. I want to hold you, look into your sweet eye, kiss you. I want to nurse you, and introduce you to your big sister. I want you. But I know this can’t be. I know it is time for you to go. I know that I will never meet you alive. I want you and I have dreamed of your birth for a long time.

Every contraction I feel I know you are closer and closer to being drawn home. Although I did not want to loose you, we are still going to work together so that you can go Home. Every pain I feel, I know you will soon be in the arms of My Father. He wants you, and will care for you. Although you will not be joining our family here, you are still apart of our family. We will never forget you. You will not be brushed under the rug, you will be acknowledged, loved, cherished and missed.

It is 3:00 a.m. on December 13, 2011 and I feel you beginning to leave me. Although this wont be a pleasant birth and it wont end with you alive, we will still work together. I will still allow you to leave me on your own timing and I will work through the pain as I would have months from now. Although this birth will not end with my holding you in my arms, it will end. I want to continue to feel this pain because I know when it stops, you are gone. My sweet innocent baby, I am so sorry that I could not bring you into this world. I love you so much dear baby and I long for the day that I can finally meet you.

Forever your mommy, forever in my heart

A Home Birthing Nurse, Baby Born In The Sac!

2012-01-19T13:51:00.000-08:00

Scarlett's Birthday

When I first got pregnant with my fourth child I knew I wanted a natural birth. I had looked into a nurse midwife at the hospital I work with but I knew she was "too medical" and has a high c-section rate. A friend of mine, Lisa is a nurse midwife who does home births. I had always dreamed of having a home birth but I figured getting DH on board would be difficult.

We met with Lisa and surprisingly he was on board! I got a lot of slack from family and co-workers(I am a nurse). I assured them I knew to trust my body and everything would be ok. We decided that if I was going to do a home birth I would go all out and do a water birth like I had always wanted. Although my DH did not want to get in the pool-he thought it would be too messy.

THE BIG DAY

I woke up having "surges" at 6:45 am. I sat on the toilet and rocked for a few moments before I woke up DH to fill up my pool in the living room. I called Lisa and when I wasn't able to talk through the surges which were coming sporadically she decided to come. I called my sister to pick up my 8 yr old daughter who stayed the night at MIL's. She was going to be there to see the birth. I sat on the toilet and rocked/breathed until the pool was ready. 30 min seemed like hours.

I got in the pool as my daughter and sister arrived. Immediately I felt the urge to push. The warm water had relaxed my body. DH called Lisa to see how close she was to the house. He was worried about having to catch the baby. I gave quick little pushes as I leaned over the side of the pool while awaiting her arrival.

My 8 yr old and sister made the baby a Happy Birthday cake in the kitchen. Red velvet (since her name is Scarlett) Whoever thinks you can tell a woman in labor to stop pushing is crazy! Lisa arrived a few minutes later. She told me to go ahead and push.

With my 8 yr old standing at the end of the pool next to Lisa our daughter Scarlett was born at 8:50 am "en caul" with a little veil around her face (the amniotic sac). Buddhist for good luck in life.

I held her wrapped in towels until her cord stopped pulsating then handed her to daddy so the placenta could be born and I could get out of the pool.

What an amazing experience for my whole family. So empowering knowing that I could trust my body and instincts. A great experience for my daughter to remember when she is having her own children-women's bodies are amazing!

I was able to relax at home uninterrupted my medical personnel with my children and have my family come see us. I was able to go to bed that night with my DH and daughter in our own bed.

More Angry Fifties Housewives!

2012-01-18T18:22:00.000-08:00

True to form, my father has sent me more pictures. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I am bitter. Of course I am not. Bitter isn't funny. This is.

I mean, I would NEVER burn laundry. It is bad for the environment. Plus, we would have to buy more clothes.

I can't be the only woman who has ever thought this, right? I once heard Dr Laura make fun of women who think men don't have feelings. So I must not be alone.

No we don't have a maid. A maid has to be paid. And she has a contract.

There is a possibility my father actually thinks this.


That is why they make dead bolts. Just kidding.

There were a few more pictures but they were a little crude for my taste or heavily laden in swear words, so I couldn't use them. Have a nice day. And may all your vacuuming be done in heels and pearls.

Preparing For A Home Birth

2012-01-18T10:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes advocates of natural birth talk about home birth as though it is the "easy" way to have a natural birth. While it is true that you are much more likely to have a natural birth when birthing at home, there are still many things that you can do ahead of time to prepare for a fabulous experience.

(I did a similar post yesterday on prep for a hospital birth, which you can read here if that is more your style.)

Step 1- Carefully choose your midwife-

All midwives are not created equally! They vary a lot in their qualifications, certifications, experience, and even legality from one state to the next. It is important to know what your midwife has to offer and if that is what you want and feel comfortable with at your birth.

Some women really crave a motherly confidant, others somebody who totally trusts birth. Some women prefer somebody with a similar faith to them so that scripture or prayer can be incorporated into their birth, while other women are most concerned with emergency supplies and skills.

Since I don't know what it is that you are looking for in particular, here are a few things that matter to me, and some other helpful sites.

~One thing that is really important to me is a midwife who has skills in resuscitation, stopping hemorrhage both with pharmaceuticals and with herbs, and lots of experience suturing.

These things all matter to me because I have hemorrhaged after one of my birth, I have had a baby born that didn't breath immediately, and I like to be stitched up properly. These things are not important to everybody, but I think they are some good points to start with when interviewing a midwife.

~Another thing that really matters to me is how I "feel" about her. This sounds very new age and out there, but it matters to many women. One of the advantages of home birth is you get to pick the person who will almost definitely be at your birth. Pick somebody who you not only trust to handle any emergency that might pop up, but who you also like and feel comfortable being naked around.

If you are religious you may want to pray over this choice, because it really matters.

~A midwives experience and education are important. Where did she receive training? How many births has she attended? Is she CPR certified? Can she start an IV easily? Do those things matter to you? What can she not legally do? What is she uncomfortable or unskilled at? Will these things merit transfer? This link has a basic break down on the different types of midwives and what they do.

This post has a more comprehensive list of t hings to discuss with your midwife.

~This link has some tips for unassisted birth preparations.

Step 2-Take a good birth preparation class-

I think there is a very pervasive idea that you don't need a class if you birth at home because nobody is standing at the ready with an epidural in your house.

Here is the thing though.....you still have to LABOR AND BIRTH.

Some women seem to just instinctively know how to do this and don't have inhibitions about it. That is really FABULOUS. But not everybody is like that.

Still I think a birth class is helpful for a few reasons.

~It prepares dad. Dads are notorious for not reading anything about birth and being a little freaked out by it. Plus, dads often like to feel useful. A good class that prepares him well can do heaps of good not just for his comfort, but also YOUR enjoyment of the birth. Many a mama feels a little resentful of a clueless partner after a hard labor and many a dad feels useless and helpless when he isn't prepared.

~Many women, even those who home birth, need to learn to relax. They also MAY need to learn how to navigate the hospital system in case of transfer. I have talked to doulas attending home birth mamas who had to transfer and the mother didn't understand where the epidural was placed. Their birth took a strange unexpected turn, and mom literally had no idea what to expect from the hospital. A good class can take care of that.

Step 3- Prepare your home-

Home birth requires mom to prepare some things in advance on the home front. Even if you have helpful family and friends, it is still nice to have an organized house with lots of things set aside in the freezer.

The BEST thing I ever did before my last home birth was prepare meals in advance. By the time of the birth I had about seven meals frozen.

It was really pretty simple. I just bought enough food to make two meals when I was cooking something freezable. As I made dinner one night while pregnant, I just doubled the recipe and froze half in an aluminum throw away casserole dish. (Then I didn't have to wash anything when we ate it!)

Some things I did were: Shepherd's Pie, Homemade Macaroni and Cheese, Stuffed Bell Peppers, Lasagna, and Enchiladas. Even if you get lots of meals, you will probably have a few days before anybody knows you had a baby. Plus, after the baby comes and the meals have stopped, it is nice to have something ready for those hard days when you just can't handle the new transition.

Getting your birth kit ready and organized in an easy to access place, having a clean bathroom and clean sheets (with a spare), having your midwives number programmed into your phone (and your husbands) are all additional ways you can prepare your home for the new baby.

Some other things that women find helpful-

~Take a healthy diet seriously. I have seen many a home birth mother transfer because poor nutrition or other lifestyle factors risked her out. Choosing to birth anywhere means you are responsible for preparing your healthy body and staying low risk.

~The nuts and bolts of birth are important, but so is your emotional and mental preparation. Don't forget about that either.

Wishing you a healthy and joyous home birth!

Preparing For A Natural Hospital Birth

2012-01-16T22:44:00.000-08:00


(Photo from http://seeme909.com/New.htm)

There is a lot of talk in the natural birth community about home birth and how fantastic it is. I am, of course, a fan of home birth. But realistically, most women will be birthing in the hospital for whatever reason. It IS possible to have a good, enjoyable, and natural birth in the hospital but there are some things that can make it more likely.

Let's talk about some ways to ensure that you get the natural birth you have been wanting within your hospital.

Rule 1- You choice of hospital is VERY important.

You need to be very aware of the hospital policies where you are birthing. If your hospital has rules that make it very difficult to have a natural birth, then you may want to shop around for another one. What are some hospital rules or policies that work against natural birth?

~Constant monitoring (as opposed to intermittent)

~Mandatory IV (as opposed to only needed if medicated, and at the very least, a hep lock should be available)

~Supine positions required, for laboring and pushing

~Standard breaking of the bag of water

~Heavy pressure to induce labor by 40 weeks

~A strict NPO policy (are you allowed to eat in labor?)

Other things you will want to check into-

What is your hospital's c-section rate? (You can find them listed by state at The Unnecesarean)

What is your care providers c-section rate?

What is the induction rate?

What is the epidural rate?

What is their policy on walking around?

How do they feel about doulas?

Do they have midwives on staff?

Here is the thing. Please be honest with yourself about these factors. I have seen women "say" they want a natural birth and then choose to birth at a hospital that is literally the WORST in the entire state, simply because it was convenient for them to drive to.

The chances of you not making it to the hospital in time to have your baby are very slim, especially for a first time mother. If you are not willing to drive a little way in order to birth in a hospital that is respectful of your wishes, then I really can't help you.

Yes, it is possible to birth naturally in a hostile environment. It just won't be easy, and you will probably have to fight. Do you really want to fight while you are in labor?

Rule 2- Choose Your Care Provider Carefully

The next most important thing is how your care provider feels about natural birth. Personally, I am a big fan of midwifery care. If your hospital has no midwives on staff, that says something very powerful about how they view birth. Namely, it says they view it as pathological.

I have lived by many hospitals that have midwives on staff. In fact, there are a few in my area in which ALL women are assigned a midwife and only see an OB if they become high risk. Midwives are going to be trained more heavily in the normality of birth and will transfer care if you become high risk and there is a need.

There is this thought that midwife=home birth or midwife=no medical training. Neither is true. Yes, there are midwives who are only home birth midwives. But a hospital based midwife is going to be a CNM, a certified nurse midwife. That means (usually) that she is an RN that has an advanced degree specializing in midwifery. These women often are very good at what they do. Yes, sometimes they are a little more medically minded than your typical home birth midwife. But, if you want to birth in the hospital that is your midwifery option.

So, go with a midwife if you can. If an OB is your only option, then ask them the same questions as above. Take in your birth plan. Go over it with them. Find out what works and what doesn't. Be realistic and ask hard questions. Do not be brushed off. If you are, then CHANGE PROVIDERS.

You are paying for this, don't pay for something that you don't want.

Rule 3- Take A Good Birth Prep Class

A good birth class can really help you prepare for your birth. It should include the following:

~An overview of the birth process

~Training of your birth partner (husband,boyfriend, etc)

~Relaxation training (so that you can avoid medications)

~An overview of various interventions, when they are needed, and how to avoid them if not needed

~Postpartum preperations

~Learning to communicate with your birth team

I am a fan of The Bradley Method because they prepare the partner well. Whatever you choose, a longer class will do you more good. And be sure to take a class that is independent of the hospital. Many hospital classes tend to be more focused on teaching you how to be a good patient rather than how to have a natural birth.

A well prepared partner will really make your life easier. Think about how tense YOU will be if your partner is scared to death because he doesn't know what is going on and is freaked that you are moaning in public. Prepare him too.

Reading and preparing yourself and practicing relaxation outside of class is wonderfully helpful too.

Rule 4- Think About A Doula

Doulas are not for everybody, but they can really help both mom and dad have a better birth. Even when you have prepared well for a birth class, a doula can help you remember what you have learned. Even lots of dads just rave about their doula. If you want your partner to be your main source of comfort, you can always talk to the doula about helping HIM, help you.

Labor can be long and an extra pair of hands can be really helpful.

Extra Tips-

Some other things that women find helpful are these:

Don't arrive at your birth place too early. I am not going to tell you not to go to the hospital. If you want to go, then go. But many women cite the fact that they labored mostly at HOME as the reason why they were able to have a natural hospital birth.

Where are you comfortable and where can you most labor how you want? Induction agents are so commonly used today, even for women already in labor. If you want to avoid them, then you may want to get some of your dilation out of the way at home, where you can move freely.

Eat well during pregnancy so that you are low risk. Check out the Brewer Diet and consider following it. Your health pre-pregnancy health may be important too. Taking better care of yourself can help you have the birth you want.

Natural hospital births are possible, but they require work and commitment. You can do it!

A Home Birthing OB Speaks Out-

2012-01-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

A short time ago I featured a pretty normal birth story on the blog that became insanely popular. What made it so special, besides being a home birth? The birthing mother was none other than an obstetrician. Many people wanted to know more about her. Here are some questions I had and I hope you enjoy her answers too. She has a wonderful balance in her perspective and I really appreciate her taking time to answer these when being a mom of a young baby alone is very demanding. She however is also busy with being a doctor. So, thank you!

And enjoy-

So- the first questionpeople asked about this story was, Is it real?
So, is it? Are you for real? I admit that I too had my doubts.

I amvery real! I am a chief resident currently and am stillsearching for a job for after graduation.

Are you willing toshare contact information for those of our readers
who are lookingfor a natural birth friendly OB?

I cannot take privatepatients as a resident, as I change rotations every couple of weeks,but once I have a job, I'd love the business!

What was it thatled you to decide on a home birth?

Ok this is kind of alongish story. So I'll start by saying that my mother is a retiredhospital-based midwife who believes in women and their ability tobirth. Long before medical school or OB/GYN or any of that Ithink I just always knew that I'd aim for a natural birth. Maybe partof the natural birth was the challenge of it -- too hard?? Not forthis girl!! Just WATCH ME!

But with all the stuff I'veseen after ~500 births, I think I was more afraid of theinterventions than the pain. Deep down, I didn't think I coulddo it in the hospital. I would have caved to the epidural andthe cascade of interventions with it. I have personal reasons forwanting to avoid an epidural and didn't think I'd have the strengthto resist if it was readily available!!

I didn't start outwith wanting a home birth. I planned to go a birth center. When I was about 20wks, they closed, and when I looked into thenewest BC in town I just thought that the woman running it wanted toomuch money.

Another factor was my classmates inresidency. We're all good friends, and one of them wasmentioning my choice of the BC to another and sort of making fun ofit. At that point I realized I'd just have to say what theywanted to hear or I'd get no peace this pregnancy.

So Ipiped up and said that we'd decided to go with the hospital and mygyn (that they all know and work with) for cost reasons. Andthen my friend acted So Relieved that I was choosing a standardmedical birth that I then got pissed off and decided to have a homebirth. It just took my husband realizing that we live closer to2 hospitals than
the BC was and getting more familiar with ourmidwife. My husband also did his research and well, just neededsome time to warm up to the idea and he eventually came around. Now he doesn't want to birth any other way!

How did youchoose your midwife and what were her qualifications (CNM,
CPM,etc)?

Both midwives at our original birth center had homebirth practices as well, and I liked both of them, but felt I clickedjust a little more with one than the other. She is a CNM and a formerICU nurse. I felt like I clicked with her on a personal level,but I also felt she had a sound knowledge base and good experience. I trust her judgment.

Plus, she has a bit of a therapistquality to her that I definitely needed. My pregnancy was notplanned and I had a lot of mixed emotions about it. Plus, being anOB, I will say that sometimes
ignorance is bliss because I had aLOT of neuroses about the delivery as well, which my midwife wasexcellent at dealing with. I didn't really need 'medical' care-- in hindsight, I needed the emotional support and she was excellentat it.

Was there anything in particular that you were worriedabout having to do with the birth? I have worked with somemedical doctors and they often have lots of fears going into birthbecause of the things that they have seen happen themselves. Was this an issue for you?

O.M.G., YES. I had crazyneuroses about the birth. The one that kept recurring washaving a ginormous baby that was OP (sunny-side up) and asynclitic(head a bit crooked in the pelvis) and I'd get to complete and thenpush forever and then I'd wind up transferring to the hospital andwind up with a c-section, and the uterine incision would then extenddown into my bladder and/or they'd have to T the incision and I'dwind up having to have c-sections forever and then wind up withchronic pelvic pain from adenomyosis from the c-sections and have ahysterectomy by the time I was 40. Then by 60 I'd havehorrible
vaginal prolapse and more surgery to fix that.

Plus,that bladder extension would give me urinary problems forever. Andthen my coworkers would give me so much flack about trying to evenhave a homebirth and how 'irresponsible and selfish' it was. And I'd be made fun of for the irony of being so pro-vaginal deliveryand then wind up being that person always getting c-sections.

AndI'd be used as an example by them forever about what a bad idea homebirth is.

[Yes, my midwife had to deal with THAT. She'sa saint.]

Relating to the last question, how did you prepareyourself mentally
and physically for birth?

Well, Ihave always made it a priority to have some level of physicalfitness. It's how I deal with the stress of my job, and well,overall my mood is just BETTER when I make the time to work out. Theday before I found out I was pregnant I signed up to run ahalf-marathon in Nashville with a bunch of my co-workers. Boughtplane tickets and everything. So I was about 20 wks when I ranthat. Training for it, especially in the early weeks, really helpedwith the small amount of
morning sickness I had (that was actuallymore like evening sickness).

I bought a prenatal PilatesDVD and did that the whole pregnancy (which really keeps away theback pain! I recommend it!). I worked out with my trainer up until37wks. Plus I worked 50-90 hrs a week for most of mypregnancy.

Mentally, well, I stayed away from OB. All of my rotations during my pregnancy were GYN or GYN-Oncology so Ireally was just exposed to OB during my calls and even then it wasn'tthat much. I read a lot of positive birth stories. Everybad story I heard at work, I validated how I was different from thatpatient (ie: well, I'm not diabetic/hypertensive/on drugs, etc). Sometimes I would freak out, and my midwife was excellent atdissolving my paranoia. I also had my hypnobirthing instructordo a fear release with me.

I think a big hurdle was justaccepting the fact that I only had so much control over the birth. I had to mentally be OK with a cesarean. I had done what I could toachieve the result I wanted, and the rest was out of my control -- Imight still get a cesarean, but at least it would be a Necesarean,and eventually I became OK with that, and just let it go. Ifocused on what I could control, and just let go of what Icouldn't.

What were the reactions of your colleagues andfriends relating to your birth after the fact?

Well, I waspleasantly surprised. Most didn't care -- they were thrilled the babywas here and were happy for me. Others seemed a little irritated withme but overall kept their opinions to themselves. I've heardstories of some of my attending's reactions – and they were prettyamusing.

I've only been made fun of during rounds once so far,and there's a little light-hearted teasing here and there, but nottoo bad. I
think, though, that I've at least opened mycolleagues' minds a little more. I think maybe they've dropped someof the 'stigma' with home birth and maybe think that people whochoose to birth naturally aren't so crazy after all. I'm justhoping that if any of them ever get a patient who wants to birthnaturally, or a home birth transport in the middle of the night, thatthey'll think of me and try to be supportive of her wishes and treather well.

What is your approach to birth with yourpatients? Has your birth
experience impacted how you treatthem or approach their births?

I try harder to dispel thefear that all new moms have. Before I didn't have anything todraw from, and well, had those fears myself, so now I emphasize toevery FTM that's she's doing well, and try to tell her that laborisn't that bad. If someone is interested in natural birth I reallytry to be supportive, but I did that before.

I'mdefinitely pushier with the breastfeeding than before. I remind themas their EDD approaches to give at least some thought to what theywant for their birth, and regardless of what they choose, I encouragethem to be sure to do their research on the risks and benefits ofeverything. I just remind them that being in labor is not thetime to think about the experience they want, or hear about the risksof something! I don't try to talk them out of the epidural –I just try to emphasize that everything has risks & benefits, andI emphasize informed consent more than anything. I did thissomewhat before, but I am much more vigilant about it now.

Justbecause I chose one route for myself doesn't mean I think it's thebest choice for everyone. Every person is different and hasdifferent goals/expectations, and that's ok. I think epiduralsare beautiful things for the right person. I have my ownreasons that made me decide against the epidural, because I wasn'twilling to take the risks. There are many people (and friendsof mine) who attribute their wonderful birth experience to having hadan epidural, and that's a choice they made, they had a goodexperience, and that's great. I want everyone to have anexperience that THEY find satisfying.

Do you ever findyourself at odds with limitations within the hospital
you work? Is there anything that bothers you working as an OB?

Iwork in a tertiary care center, so some crazy stuff can walk throughthe doors at any minute, and these hospitals are used to that, so Idon't feel like there's many limitations from the hospitalstandpoint. You know, what gets frustrating is just the politics --the way malpractice is in this country forces many physicians to havethis ongoing underlying fear of litigation. Care providers areexpected to provide everyone with a perfect outcome, which of courseis impossible to do -- this litigation fear leads to so manyinductions and cesareans. I also hate how anyone who doesn'twant an epidural is 'crazy.'
I wish there was more of anenvironment of "she'll be fine" than the "she's notfine until proven otherwise" motto.

What do you feel arevalid reasons to risk out of home birth?

You know, this isa REALLY broad topic. No patient is the same, and many circumstancescan be argued either way. If I HAD to throw out a few, I'd sayfetal anomalies and/or prematurity in the infant – anything youanticipate needing more than standard pediatric attention. Asfar as mom goes, I'll just say that if you're not a healthy personpre-pregnancy you should probably deliver in the hospital. Also, ifyou think that you'll be more comfortable at the hospital because thepresence of NICU, the monitors, etc makes you feel safe, then that'swhere you should deliver.

I'm being intentionally vague --every situation is different.

And to end- how are youbalancing working and being the type of parent
you would like tobe?

Wow, well, I guess I'll just say I do what I can oneday at a time. I feel rather deficient in both. The workdistracts me from my baby and the baby distracts me from my work. Idon't read or study as much as I should, and I never feel like I haveenough time with my baby. My baby is growing so fast and itbrings tears to my eyes to think of how much of it I'm missing.

I'mtold the life as an attending is much better than as a resident, sothere's light at the end of my tunnel. But I doubt I'll ever feelthat I'm spending enough time with him, and I know I'll never feelthat I'm as good of a doctor as I could be.

But it's thelife I signed up for, and I'm doing the best I can.

True Confessions Behind Cry It Out

2012-01-13T13:25:00.000-08:00

I read this post by Baby Rabies this week and it really got me thinking. Part of me really understands letting a baby cry, and another part of me can't stomach it. So what is really behind the Cry It Out phenomenon.

Reason 1-

Mom is mean-

So I have really met (and I am sure you have to) women who are just.....selfish. You know, you wonder why they had kids. (No, I am not talking about YOU!). But, obviously, there are selfish people in the world and some of them are bound to be fertile.

So, some people really probably have kids and then just expect the child to totally conform to all their needs.

These selfish moms "need" nine hours of unbroken sleep each night. They need a strict schedule. They need nice nails, lots of "me" time, and everything "their" way.

They see their children as an inconvenience rather than a blessing. They use harsh sleep training methods from day one. All parenting kind of revolves around mom and her needs with no respect or thought for the child, who obviously, though small is also a person.

Thoughts-

I hope this kind of mom is rare. I have only actually met one woman who employed cry it out on a newborn and admitted it. I hope that this isn't done very often and I can only assume that women who DO this with very young children might be getting very bad advice from people who love them and other experts. Or maybe she is just mean.

Reason 2-

Lack of understanding about normal newborn behavior-

Many people probably really don't know what is "normal" in the average newborn. We kind of expect our babies to be like....us, and then we also expect to go right back to our pre-baby life. These "lies" about what a newborn should be like tend to be encouraged by baby trainers as though they ARE the normal and certainly the ideal.

I have bad (or good, depending on how you look at it) news. Babies are not exactly like adults, they have small stomachs, frequent needs, lots of growing to do, and food that is liquid and moves quickly through them.

As far as you are concerned, you will never be the same again. That is part of the growth of being a parent. Your old life is GONE forever. This isn't a bad thing. This is a really great life. It is just different.

Babies often need to eat frequently, every two hours or so, for the first months of life, maybe longer, depending on the child. YES- some babies do sleep all night from very early, but not many. For a young baby, really, the longest stretch you will probably get is one or maybe two, four hour stretches of sleep in a 24 hour period. This is IF you are lucky.

Four hours is "sleeping through" for a baby.

Sarah Buckley's thoughts on this are really somewhat eye opening and a quick read.

Thoughts-

I think if we realized what was normal and age appropriate for our children many of us would have less stress and lower expectations that are really just realistic if we were familiar with what babies are like.

Sometimes it helps not to talk to people who have perfect children when you are struggling. I think the Dr Sears "Baby" book is a good one for understanding normal newborn behavior and also knowing when average growth spurts occur so that we realize when they may need to eat more. I also love Harvey Karp's tips in his video, "The 5 S's". He not only explains some normal newborn behaviors and reactions, but also gives some idea of ways to help a baby calm better that are kind, mimic the womb, but can increase baby sleep.

Reason 3-

Mom is overwhelmed and/or under-supported-

Most of us live in single family units with mom and dad and other children. Many women go back to work outside of the home when children are young. The "normal" lack of sleep that babies cause when added into the schedule of mom who has many other responsibilities during the day can make dealing with sleep deprivation very difficult.

Adult humans really do need sleep too. For me personally, if I don't get at least one three hour block I have a hard time functioning in a healthy way. When I am up every hour all night long, dealing with life becomes a lot harder then next day.

Over and over I see mothers who are overwhelmed and miserable with their children or babies. They are looking for alternatives. Some find help from others, from co-sleeping, from supplements, from pharmaceuticals, and some find help with baby training methods.

I think that many women turn to cry it out methods because of a combination of not understanding what is normal and a hugely overwhelming feeling of simply not being able to cope brought on by sleep deprivation. Add in a need or desire to live normally even with a young baby and you have a recipe for an overwhelmed mother.

Thoughts-

I "wish" all mothers were supported. I "wish" all mothers could spend a year or so just caring for baby. I "wish" more of us gave ourselves a break and didn't expect much from ourselves for that first year or two. Do we really need to have a career, go to school, be something that "matters" outside of our children immediately after baby? Why do we feel that just being mom isn't enough? But I don't believe this is possible for all women. I can't ignore my house and other children because I have a baby. Mama has some needs too.

Confessions-

When I hear people talking about cry it out in black and white terms, it makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't know if this issue is all black and white. Yes, leaving a baby to cry sucks. But sometimes it sucks less than the other alternative.

I have four children, all with very different sleep patterns and temperaments. Let me tell you about them.

My first was not an easy sleeper. Looking back he was probably pretty normal. He ate every few hours and preferred to sleep with mom. He always nursed to sleep, even well past a year. When he was little my husband started graduate school and we moved to a new state where I knew nobody and the closest family was a few thousand miles away. My husband himself was surviving on about four hours of sleep a night because his schedule was so intense.

I remember when he was about eight months old that he was up every hour. I felt like I was literally going insane. INSANE. I would get maybe four hours of broken sleep each night. That simply was not enough for me to function. Co-sleeping didn't yield magical family sleep hours, it just got me kicked in the head all night and my husband on the couch.

I tried to let him cry because nothing else worked. Letting him cry didn't work either, but if it had, I would have been grateful. Some kids really can be left alone for a minute or two and they give up and go to sleep. Others, just get more angry. He just got more angry.

We survived. But despite my Dr Sears love affair, I was a little more humble about attachment parenting after that.

My second slept like a Baby Wise baby- ten hours straight from two months on. I didn't know that was possible. She also refused to comfort nurse.

My third was very difficult again. A combination of strong personality, desire to be busy, and physical sensitivity to her surroundings made nighttime very difficult. When she was around 18 months old and I was more than halfway through my pregnancy with my fourth, I had had enough.

She was still, as she had her entire life, getting up every hour or two and screaming. I know my daughter and she was not hurting or physically ill. She is stubborn and sensitive and she simply didn't like sleep. She still doesn't.

At some point I gave up. I let my husband try to "sleep train her". She was about 18 months old. It worked some, but truthfully, nothing really worked with her. And some of you will find the same thing-- none of the tricks or books or advice will "fix" your baby.

But I can tell you this- eventually they start to sleep a little better. In my experience it is usually after 18 months for the "harder" babies. The hard times pass. They fade from memory.

My advice, which you can totally ignore, is this:

Be gentle on yourself. Don't expect the world from yourself just because it seems like everybody else has everything together and is clean and happy. They don't. I know they don't because they have kids, and nobody who has kids has everything together. Some just fake it better.

Remember that life lasts longer than this moment. You can be more educated, more rich, more awesome.... later. Sometimes the most awesome thing you can do is be the mom. Sometimes the education you need the most is learning what that difficult child is trying to teach you. Sometimes the richest blessing you can have is learning your limits and your limitless love.

Really DO sleep when baby sleeps. This applies to NAP TIME and doesn't just apply to the first six weeks. For goodness sake, if your 18 month old sleeps like crap at night, then nap with them during the day. It just might save your sanity.

Be gentle on each other. I love my difficult babies. (It is easier now that they are a little older.) I love what they taught me about myself. I love that they taught me some humility. I love that they taught me that the harder you work and the more you sacrifice, the more your love grows.

When I see mothers attacking one another because somebody is torturing their child with cry it out, I cringe a little. Not because I think letting a baby cry is the way to go, but because I have been there. I have felt that hopelessness that mom feels when she is at her limit, in dire need of sleep, has nobody to help her, and the baby starts screaming. Sometimes the best thing is to just stay in bed and collect yourself.

I think sometimes we as mothers try so hard to do everything perfectly that we push ourselves past the point we can handle. I hate it when I see "perfect" attached mothers walk away from their kids, have their marriage fall apart, or escape somehow from their life, because they simply could not sustain on their own this notion of 100% attached perfect parenting. This kind of parenting, I believe, is impossible to do alone all the time without something needing to give.

So my point, now that I am finally getting to it is this- cry it out may not be right- but we don't usually know where another person is coming from. I am not saying, "To each their own, anything goes, go torture your kids."

What I am saying is, we don't know where another woman is coming from when she parents in a way we think is wrong.

I don't think that Baby Rabies blog post was really about cry it out at all. It was really about a mom who was at her limit. I don't think it was trying to encourage cry it out, I think it was a mom, like you and me, who admitted publicly something that was really hard for her as a parent.

Sadly, she got a lot of hatred for it. Cry it out might be wrong, but a mom who openly admits that she is suffering from anxiety partly caused by sleep deprivation, probably doesn't need any more stress. She shouldn't be commended for letting her baby cry, but she SHOULD be commended for being truthful about her struggles. We don't need to destroy each other when we see somebody who is open enough to admit a weakness or a struggle.

If she says that her child will calm faster when left for 5 minutes than when comforted, I believe her. I have had a child like that. Mothers know their own children better than some stranger online who thinks they have figured it all out.

I have been there. Someday you might be there too.

Nursing in Labor and a Placenta Smoothie, What More Does A Birth Story Need?

2012-01-12T11:26:00.000-08:00

My favorite thing about this birth story: that reading other empowering birth stories helped this mama have the birth she wanted. Thanks to all the wonderful ladies that have donated their thoughts on life's most sacred event to be shared here on the blog. It does make a difference!

Enjoy!

On the 22nd of December, Aiden awoke around 9am, later then usual. Typically I start by day before she does but I felt exhausted like I couldn’t even keep my eyes open if I wanted to. Yesterday I had an intuition that our new little one would be making his arrival within the next 24-36hours.

I had began losing my mucous plug right after some alone time with my husband. I had told Kyle since the middle of my pregnancy that he would come before Christmas although I also thought maybe I had just been trying to prepare myself mentally just in case he didn’t make it until January. I had been hoping that Aiden would be able to enjoy her last Christmas as an only child.

Kyle took Aiden downstairs to get her started on some breakfast. I got another hour of rest, I woke up and had a contraction, I knew this was it. I started running around tidying up upstairs, I had 5-6 more in the next 30minutes. I yelled downstairs to Kyle and told him that this was probably happening today and to vacuum our room and wash our bed sheets so we would have an extra pair.

He had been dozing off downstairs so he was pretty lethargic, moving around really slowly not believing I was in labor but I knew it was time, the same way I had known from the 1st contraction when in labor with Aiden. He came upstairs and watched me clean, I asked him why he was just standing there, which seemed to snap him out of it. I went into the main bathroom and started timing contractions, they were irregular 10min, 6min, 2min, 2min, 5min just like with Aiden. I used the bathroom and although the contractions weren’t anything I had to concentrate through I started using my birth affirmation

My body is meant to do this, I can do this

and for a brief second I worried and I said I can’t do this, I quickly told myself that I knew that wasn’t true and the thought never came into my head again.

    I hopped in to the shower because I looked like hell and my hair needed washing. Aiden joined me, she hugged and kissed my belly during a few contractions. I think the entire week she knew that something was going to change soon. I started swaying my hips side to side during contractions and bouncing my bottom up and down at the peak. When I got out I went to our room and brushed my hair and sent a text to my doula, L(11:22AM) to let her know that she might want to start getting ready. She was baby sitting today so I wanted to give her enough time to get everything situated. Then I called my midwife, J (11:24AM).

She also didn’t think it was the real deal. I told her contractions had been going on for 45minutes irregularly and now every 5 minutes for the past 30minutes. She asked me get in the bath, drink fluids and time them to see if they would go away. Once again I knew it was time but I got in the bath in our room anyway. Kyle came and sat with me, timing contractions. I started zoning out, raising my head toward the ceiling, eyes closed, shifting my weight from butt cheek to butt cheek and saying my birth affirmation in my head

This contraction is not bigger than me, it is me.

I hadn’t planned on doing a hypnobirth, although I read the mongan method but it seemed I was using a sort of hypnosis the entire time.

Kyle had put “Wallace and Grommit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” on my laptop for Aiden, she was sitting on our bed watching it but would come in every few minutes and see what I was doing and stick her hands in the water, I let her know the baby was going to be here soon. I told Kyle to text my dad to let him know I was in labor. (11:54AM)

J called back to see how things were going. Kyle told her my contractions were every 2minutes and lasting 45-55seconds she said she was on her way and gave him directions of what to do in case she didn’t make it. I laughed, I knew she arrive in time. I was still extremely relaxed during contractions, talking to Kyle and saying random comments about what was going on, wanting to keep the mood light.

J called, (12:14PM) she was just arriving at the gate (we live on a military base). I was just starting to not be able to talk during contractions and asked Kyle not to speak to me when he saw me having one since he kept trying to ask me questions. I was telling myself to open in between contractions and I had switched to my favorite birth affirmation

I am strong, I am focused, I am relaxed

J asked him if I was feeling pushy, I wasn‘t. Everything was happening so fast, before I knew it everyone was there and getting set up. Kyle was out of the bathroom a lot trying to help get things ready. Aiden was still watching the movie with L on the bed and running around excited that everyone was there.

They started filling the birth pool down stairs, in the end it was only filled about 7 inches before we ran out of hot water which has never happened before. I was still sitting in the bath tub, J would come in every so often and ask how I was feeling but I was mostly alone during this time. She told me if I felt pushy I‘d have to get out because the water was way too cold.

I enjoyed being alone and I liked hearing everyone in the back round talking about how fast things were progressing. They kept encouraging me to drink which I really didn’t feel like doing but since I hadn’t eaten I didn’t want to get dehydrated or weak. L made me some miso soup which I enjoyed sipping in between contractions. J used the Doppler twice to check his heart rate during contractions. D, the back up midwife, got a different reading and was concerned with his heart rate so they asked me to get out of the tub. I laid in bed on my side for a few minutes, Aiden beside me.

They checked his heart rate again and he seemed to be doing great. J asked if I minded if she checked me, I told her that would be fine, this is the 1st and only time I was checked through out my entire pregnancy. She said I was 8-9, stretchy and bag of waters was bulging, this was 3 ½ hours since my 1st contraction. I remember being happy about the dilation but not wanting to get my hopes up and just focus on what I was doing and not the number. I don’t think I truly thought I was in transition because although I had felt nauseous I never entered that labor land fuzziness, threw up or had the shakes.

She asked if I would like to sit on the toilet as it might help break my water and speed things up, at this point I didn’t feel like speeding things up was necessary but I decided to try it out. The contractions instantly became more intense on the toilet, Kyle was finally by my side from here until the birth. He had still been running around lot. At 1st I tried resting my head on his shoulder while he rubbed my lower back but the position wasn’t favorable and was making them feel worse.

I was quite the multi-tasker and set the settings for this picture in between contractions.

I’m amazed at this point how in control I was, I never felt overwhelmed by the contractions at any point. I started leaning back during contractions and had Kyle rub my thighs during them. I decided I liked it when rubbed them myself so I did. He repeated the affirmation that I had 1st used “Your body was meant to do this you can do this”, he told me I was doing so well. My last 4-5 contractions on the toilet were much more intense and I finally vocalized through them with low pitched moans and rubbing my thighs. I had been pretty silent up until this point. I rested in between them practically falling asleep.

J asked if I wanted to stand and see if that helped move things down, I did and a bloody mucous plug fell right out on to the toilet seat. Standing was extremely uncomfortable so I sat back down. Then I felt the urge to push, I said so and J said to do what I felt was right. After the contraction was over I said I didn’t want to push on the toilet. So I did a speedy little walk to my bed which was about 20feet away.

*Later on J had said she was surprised I didn’t give birth on the way to the bed since she had seen his head bulge out when I pushed on the toilet* But I made it to the bed and I got on all fours and J asked if I wanted to take my bra off so that I could be skin to skin with the baby. I took it off and waited for a contraction it felt like a while before I had one. Aiden was sitting next to me and as soon as my breasts were exposed she took that as a cue that it was time for milk.

This picture was time stamped a minute before I started pushing. So I was moment’s way from a baby and nursing my 28 month old, which I found amusing and so did everyone else.

Then I felt a contraction come, I asked Aiden to get off and L got her to come and sit with her. The contraction came and went, then another right after. I pushed, my water splashed everywhere. I think I might have laughed. Then another came and another big splash then his head crowned and I vocalized with an “ohhhh”, J reminded me to breathe to stretch and I inhaled deeply in through my mouth and out through my nose a few times resting my head on the wall beside the window.

I didn’t feel like I was doing a good job at letting myself stretch but they assured me I was doing great. I breathed through it then I couldn’t not push anymore so I pushed and his head came out, relief. I then switched to my back to birth the rest of him. J asked me to push I told her I wanted to wait for a contraction, as soon as I finished speaking one came. One shoulder then the other, Kyle with help from J slowly guided him out and handed him to me. There was a total of 1 minute between him crowning and me grabbing him on to my chest. He was purpley and covered in vernix.

I looked over at Aiden and I smiled, her face was priceless she had this surprised, “oh my god, where did that baby just come from?” look. I laid him on my chest and Aiden came to look at him. He was quiet and alert; he took a little bit to cry and didn’t do so for long. I had a gush of blood 6 minutes later and J asked if I felt like pushing I said no, Aiden latched on which helped me contract, I pushed and my placenta came right out. J clamped his cord about 4 minutes later and Kyle cut it and then they put the cord ring on.

First family photo Aiden kept trying to yank his hat off and poke him in the eye. Things settled down pretty quickly after that. I was on cloud 9 and felt so energetic. The midwives monitored my bleeding for a bit and his breathing since he sounded a little gurgly on one side. Switching him to my other breast cleared it out. After D looked over my placenta with Kyle, J and L took it downstairs to cut it up and make me a smoothie. I ate a parfait as well. Aiden was going on no nap all day so she was fussy; she was downstairs for about an hour with L.

Then came up to nurse with the baby, she held his hand as she did so. After the midwives left I continued to relax in bed with everyone while L drained the pool and started a load of wash leaving us to enjoy this new little guy by yourselves at 5:30pm.

Atlas Jorson was born on 12-22-11 at 2:12pm, 6lb 11oz 19in, 13cm head, 37 weeks 5days (2 weeks and 4days before his sister had arrived) with beautiful black hair, a hairy little back, chubby cheeks, little elf ears and little chinky grayish-blue eyes. He seems like the sweetest little guy when he is awake and his big sister has grown very fond of him and calls him Baby “Alice.” Aiden holding him for the 1st time

My daughter’s birth was a 10hr hospital birth, with an epidural which most likely caused the meconium which resulted in no skin to skin immediately after birth. It wasn’t what I wanted and I was disappointed with how it went. I felt like I had missed out on what a birth should be. I wouldn’t have changed a thing this time; it was the most amazing experience I could have asked for. I remember reading hundreds of birth stories while pregnant and I imagined being able to say that my birth was empowering.

Reading someone else’s birth story about the empowerment they felt through their birth always made me feel like I was receiving some of their strength and I am grateful to all those women who have not only written their birth stories but also were gracious enough to share such an amazing and intimate experience with strangers. Every woman should have the opportunity to have a birth that makes them feel as strong as they know they are.

New Years Eve

Atlas, 20days

Care And Rules For Dealing With Women During A Full Moon

2012-01-12T10:49:00.000-08:00


(From http://hudsonvalleygeologist.blogspot.com/2011_07_01_archive.html)

You may on occasion notice some strange behavior form the more gentle sex, or women as it were. It has been brought to my attention that a clear and direct set of rules for dealing with women on a collective basis during times of full moon is badly needed.

Instructions are divided by category.

When dealing with women in the home-

A husband/partner must never utter the phrases:

"You are just like your mother."

"I don't think that fits you any more."

"Are my pants clean?"

"Where is dinner?"

To be safe, just nod and smile. Deviating from these SIMPLE guidelines may cause you to deservedly receive one of the following responses:

"You are just like YOUR FATHER!" (Or mother, or both. Whatever works. Ladies, during any other time, going below the belt and insulting family is off color, but right now, totally understandable.)

"I got fat having YOUR babies!" (I mean, really? Just don't make comments about weight or clothing besides the tried and true, "That looks nice.")

"Put your clothes in the laundry and I will glady wash them for you!" (That is why there is a hamper in every room. Do you need a map?)

"Would you like me to show you where I WANT to put it?"

-Moving on-

When dealing with other women in online forums:

It would be wise just to suspend internet use during full moons. However, seeing as this might merit the appocolypse, here are some tips for dealing with one another online when it is not avoidable.

Never TOUCH the topics listed below-

Co-sleeping

Vaccinations

Cry-it-out

Home Birth

Breastfeeding

Epidurals

Home School

Beyonce (Yeah, this one came out of left field for me too. She is a singer who dared pro-create. I had to Google it too.)

Did I mention circumcision? Silly me.

Bringing up the above topics may elicit responses like the following:

"If you loved your children you would.............."

"My children come first so I...................."

"I was educated so I made........................choice."

"I only did that when I didn't know any better."

"That is abusive! Can't you see that?!"

"Don't you do any research?"

"Yes my kids are socialized!"

"She is stupid/mean/lazy/spoiled/etc"

(For ease of use, responses are interchangeable.)

Consider yourself warned. The moon becomes full on a fairly regular basis. Feel free to check your calendar for the next event.

(Disclaimer-
I can write on this topic because I am totally in control of my emotions. I did not tell a total stranger who lived on the other side of the world yesterday that she was "not nice" and "not helping anybody." And if I did I am sure it was totally justified.

The next person to suggest that I take more B Vitamins/Prozac/anti-anxiety medication will be shot on sight. )